QG Chapter65

The room was dim, illuminated only by the faint glow of neon lights from downstairs.

 

My body was exhausted, but my mind was unusually clear.

 

The heavy breathing and dampness had settled. Shen Jianqing slept peacefully beside me, one arm still tightly clasped around my waist, as if afraid I might vanish.

 

I looked at him in the hazy light.

 

Half of his face was buried in the pillow, revealing his prominent nose. Shen Jianqing’s hair seemed to have grown longer, a few strands covering his cheek, making him appear strangely docile.

 

Yet, just moments ago, he was clearly pressed against me, sweat from his forehead dripping onto my cheek, his gasps laden with intense desire. The surging light in his eyes, like a whirlpool in the darkness, seemed to devour me. He bore no resemblance whatsoever to “docile.”

 

With the frenzy passed, the impulses that had surged in my chest gradually subsided. Tonight was perhaps the most wild and unrestrained night of my short twenty-one years.

 

Now, however, I have calmed down, rethinking my relationship with Shen Jianqing.

 

I had meticulously planned my life long ago.

 

After graduating from university or postgraduate studies, I would stay in Yancheng and join a newspaper or publishing house. If it weren’t for Teacher Ye’s project, my original plan was to intern at the Yancheng Daily this summer. I had previously published several opinion pieces in the Yancheng Daily and was quite familiar with their editor-in-chief.

 

Once my work was stable, I would find a suitable, desirable girlfriend, ideally dating for two to three years. This time would be enough for me to understand her personality and interests and for her to understand my dullness and quietness.

 

My roommate once asked me why I didn’t pursue a campus romance. It wasn’t just because I hadn’t met anyone I liked; more importantly, if our ambitions diverged after graduation, we would face the pain of separation. I detested the feeling of being abandoned, so I simply never started.

 

If she truly liked me, and if I was fortunate enough to enter the gate of marriage, then we might have to work much harder together. We would jointly raise children and manage the household. As for children, I would let nature take its course. One, two, or none, it wouldn’t matter. As long as the family remained intact, as long as I still had a home, I would be willing to contribute.

 

These were all my plans for the future. Perhaps they were quite ordinary, but some people seek grand adventures, while others prefer a quiet, steady life.

 

Someone like Shen Jianqing had never appeared in my plans.

 

He was like a sudden star in the night sky, disrupting the entire celestial map. Even if the stargazing master was reluctant to abandon all previous calculations, they would have no choice but to surrender and re-deduce.

 

Did I like Shen Jianqing?

 

Of course, I did.

 

Was I willing to forgive his previous absurd actions?

 

If he truly realized his mistakes, if he truly matured, then yes, I was willing.

 

But there was more than just that between us.

 

He had to return to the Miao village; both he and I knew this well.

 

Everyone had their own duties, their own missions. He couldn’t abandon his people.

 

And I wasn’t willing to abandon my life either.

 

Life, perhaps, is full of contradictions and things you cannot attain. Sometimes it’s love and not love; sometimes it’s letting go and not letting go.

 

“Ah…” I unconsciously let out a long breath.

 

Beside me, there was a faint rustling of bedding from subtle movement.

 

I turned my head and found that Shen Jianqing had woken up at some point and was quietly watching me.

 

“Can’t sleep?” He moved closer to me, his legs wrapping around mine like seaweed.

 

I felt a bit uncomfortable but didn’t push him away. “En.”

 

Shen Jianqing said, “Do you want me to sing you a song? When I couldn’t sleep as a child, my Ah-ma would sing, and I’d fall asleep.”

 

I curled my lips. “You even have that talent?”

 

“Of course.” Shen Jianqing’s tone sounded very proud. Then he leaned close to my ear and began to sing softly.

 

His voice wasn’t loud, very light, yet it scraped at my heart like feathers, making it tingle. The song wasn’t particularly pleasant to the ear, and I didn’t understand the lyrics, but that unknown melody truly seemed to possess some magic.

 

My tired eyes gently closed, and my mind emptied.

 

The warmth of Shen Jianqing beside me was comforting, seemingly enough to ward off the chill of a late autumn night.

 

Before I fully succumbed to sleep, in that hazy state of consciousness, I wondered if this was what it felt like to have a home.

 

When I opened my eyes again, it was already daylight.

 

The morning sunlight streamed in through the window, casting a golden spot of light on the floor.

 

That nameless Miao song seemed to still echo in my mind, and I felt a tickle by my ear. I subtly tilted my head and met Shen Jianqing’s unguarded sleeping face.

 

He was still leaning close to my ear, his eyes tightly closed, seemingly lost in a dream.

 

In that moment, my heart felt like it was filled with an expanding piece of candy, completely full.

 

If only time could stop, how wonderful that would be.

 

I guessed this wish had been uttered by countless people, yet time was cruel; no one could make it a reality.

 

My phone, placed by my pillow, vibrated twice, signaling a WeChat message. My heart sank. I gently moved to retrieve the phone without disturbing Shen Jianqing.

 

Indeed, it was a message from Teacher Ye Wensheng.

 

“An Pu and I have arrived. Where is he?”

 

I was about to type, but my finger hesitated as it touched the screen.

 

An inexplicable pain suddenly welled up in my heart, as if being torn apart by unseen hands. This was a feeling I had never experienced before.

 

Shen Jianqing, having enjoyed the privileges of a future leader, had to bear his mission and responsibilities. The people in the Miao village were waiting for him to return. In the outside world, he had no identity, no education, and was even illiterate… it would be difficult for him to establish himself.

 

And the Shidi Miao village, with its language barriers and different customs, had no place for me.

 

Instead of prolonging the time and getting lost in it, it was better to withdraw early and stay clear-headed.

 

That’s why, when An Pu contacted me through Teacher Ye, I chose to tell him about Shen Jianqing.

 

These two days weren’t just for Shen Jianqing; they were also for An Pu.

 

But now, I suddenly regretted it.

 

I could have hidden him…

 

No, Li Yuze, what are you thinking!

 

I was startled by the thought that had flashed through my mind, breaking out in a cold sweat. My hazy consciousness instantly cleared, and I quickly typed out a reply:

 

“At my place. I’ll bring him down in a bit.”

 

But after putting down my phone, I didn’t know what to do next.

 

A short while later, the sun’s rays shifted, gradually moving onto the bed and illuminating Shen Jianqing’s face.

 

He slowly opened his eyes.

 

I turned my head and met his gaze. Shen Jianqing, however, smiled and shifted his eyes away, burying his face deeper into the covers.

 

“Yuze Ah-ge,” his voice was still thick with sleep, sounding gooey. “I can finally open my eyes and see you! Just like in a dream.”

 

“Time to get up.” I said.

 

“Just a little longer…”

 

“An Pu is waiting for you outside.”

 

Shen Jianqing’s body, which was pressed against mine, stiffened for a moment.

 

The sweet expression on his face vanished, and he said with a heavy voice, “So fast. So your ‘two days’ really meant two days, not even allowing for an extra day.”

 

I felt as if I had stepped into an empty space, my heart hollow, my eyes uncontrollably stinging.

 

Shen Jianqing sat up and asked, “Li Yuze, were the words you said yesterday true?”

 

“Every word yesterday came from my heart.” I replied.

 

Shen Jianqing finally smiled. He said, “Then do you still want me, Yuze Ah-ge?”

 

“Shen Jianqing, are you willing to let go of your responsibilities and truly stay?”

 

Things in the world are always unpredictable; our positions truly seemed to have swapped. This time, it was I who asked that question.

 

Shen Jianqing looked at me with deep, unreadable eyes, and we simply stared at each other in silence, neither saying a word.

 

From each other’s eyes, we had already seen our respective answers.

 

He had his responsibilities, I had my future. We each had things we couldn’t let go of. Perhaps that encounter in the Miao village was a mistake from the start.

 

“I understand.” Shen Jianqing put on his clothes and suddenly stood up, approaching me.

 

He was a little taller than me, and with his current expressionless approach, the pressure quickly followed.

 

I instinctively took a step back.

 

Shen Jianqing said, “Yuze Ah-ge, you don’t need to worry. I won’t do those things again. I’ve understood that if someone truly wants to leave, no method can hold them back.”

 

“I’ve seen your world, and it truly is as beautiful as a dream.” He paused, then added, “I just hope you won’t forget me too quickly.”

 

My vision gradually blurred, and my eyes were unknowingly filled with tears.

 

“How could I ever forget you…”

 

Shen Jianqing said, “Then see me off, Yuze Ah-ge.”

 

We silently went downstairs. Teacher Ye’s car was parked below. As soon as he saw us, An Pu opened the passenger door and stepped out.

 

“Do you two have anything else to say? Hurry and say it.” An Pu said, looking at Shen Jianqing with a mixture of helplessness and frustration, finally letting out a heavy sigh.

 

Shen Jianqing shook his head, then gave me one last look, his dark pupils filled with heavy, complex emotions.

 

With just that one look, it felt as if a piece of my heart had been torn away. Long after that moment, I would often find myself remembering his gaze, and each time, the ache would quietly return.

 

The vehicle carried him away, gradually merging into the crowd, finally disappearing completely.

 

I stood there stunned, my whole body cold, unable to move.

 

Let it end here. We were always meant to be people from two different worlds. Although there was so much pain and torment, and we experienced so much love and hate, let it end here.

 

Let us both return to our respective paths.

 

Many people have said that life is not just about romance. I think I have experienced the extremes of love and hate. Perhaps, in the long life ahead, such a person will never appear again to amaze my years.

 

A feeling of powerlessness enveloped me.

 

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[Tragically Returned: On the Second Day of Marriage, My Wife Sent Me Back Home.]