Is it wrong to love someone? Is it wrong to want to keep someone?
Of course not, so it’s not wrong for me to use a few small tricks either.
It was clearly Li Yuze who seduced me first.
Did he know how alluring his gaze was when he looked at me? Why didn’t he look at the two women next to him like that, why not the tall guy, why not anyone else?
But he looked at me specifically.
That was clearly seduction.
Yet, I seemed to have really taken the bait.
I couldn’t help but wonder, what kind of person would he like?
Definitely not someone like Xu Zirong.
Oh, not someone like Qiu Lu or Wen Lingyu either.
He should like someone like me.
But I noticed that whenever I mentioned my Ah-ma and Ah-ba, he would look at me with a mix of envy, pity, and even deep sympathy.
He would even hug me on his own!
Is the death of parents something to be pitied? But everyone dies; it’s the law of nature, not something to be sad about.
I don’t need sympathy.
What is there to pity about me?
Under the trees of Shidi Mountain, I feigned sadness to match him, burying myself in his embrace. I suppressed the deep stirrings within my soul, burying my face in the crook of his shoulder, breathing in his scent, a smile irrepressibly spreading across my face.
Alright, Li Yuze, it’s fine if you pity me.
Speaking of my falling out with the leader and Wan Ying, that dates back to my first time leaving Shidi Miao Village.
I followed the iron chain my father left behind and reached Dongjiang Miao Village for the first time.
The outside world was truly like a wonderland; Ah-ba hadn’t lied to me!
This place possessed all the miracles that Shidi Miao Village lacked. There were many people, but it wasn’t as chaotic as I had imagined. For the first time, I questioned why our ancestors chose to confine themselves in the mountains.
It seemed the outside world wasn’t as terrifying as our elders had always claimed.
Could we perhaps bring our clan to live out here?
When I first naively shared my idea with the leader, my maternal grandfather, he looked at me with a mixture of surprise and rage.
His gaze was so intense it felt as though he wanted to kill me on the spot, as if I had uttered something utterly blasphemous.
I’m adept at reading expressions, so I immediately understood the difference in our opinions. But he’s old; he’ll die someday.
No matter how unwilling he is, he’ll have to pass the position to me. After all, my talent and ability in refining Gu far surpassed his own granddaughter, Wan Ying.
But I never expected him to demand that I marry Wan Ying as my wife to succeed him as leader, using my half-Han bloodline as an excuse.
How laughable.
Don’t think I don’t know what he’s scheming; he just wants Wan Ying to spy on me.
He’s too set in his ways.
While I don’t have the power to defy him now, I will someday. I’m still young, but he’s old.
Even the Gu King of the Gu Insects Forest changes over time; he won’t escape this natural law. There will come a day when he can no longer stop me.
I vaguely told Li Yuze about my predicament, that Wan Ying was pestering me. Well, that wasn’t exactly a lie, was it? Yet, he still gave me that empathetic, sympathetic, and pitying look.
He said he wouldn’t despise me.
He said he wouldn’t abandon me.
He said he would help me.
…Help?
No one had ever said that word to me before.
The people in the village revered the leader; they might have known about my struggles but implicitly agreed that the leader’s ideas were correct.
I was refining Gu alone, living alone, silently resisting the leader’s demands alone, but then he suddenly said he would help me.
Li Yuze spoke so earnestly, as if I truly were someone important to him.
I was stunned for a moment. In that instant, I felt as if I heard the distant sound of flowers blooming.
And my own heartbeat.
Thump, thump, thump.
Each beat carried an inexpressible, secret joy, transporting the agitated blood to every corner of my body.
At first, observing them, leading them into the Miao village, I merely saw it as amusing myself with new toys, bringing some fun to a lackluster life, and also as a provocation to the leader. Wasn’t he afraid of outsiders? Then I would make sure outsiders came in. But now, I suddenly felt that this was the most correct decision I had ever made in my life.
Miao people are always direct and bold. I admit, I had a little crush on Li Yueze.
My mother was able to keep Shen Siyuan, so I can keep Li Yuze too.
Just pity me, Li Yuze. If you pity me, and that means you won’t leave me, then I don’t mind you helping me.
But pity doesn’t seem like love.
Turns out he didn’t like me; he even started avoiding me.
Was it just because I admitted my feelings? How strange.
They decided to leave the Miao village, initially trying to hide it from me.
Turns out, when a person is pushed to the extreme, they’ll laugh.
Since gentle approaches don’t work, then I’ll show you the real me.
Confinement? No, how can this be considered confinement?
This is just my way of keeping my beloved.
I kept him in the Miao village. As for his companions, what does it matter if they live or die?
Li Yuze could finally stay peacefully in my house. No need to see other people, no need to hear other sounds, with only me in his eyes.
How happy.
I suddenly understood Ah-ma’s feelings.
I never felt I did anything wrong, and I still don’t. I love him and want him to stay by my side forever. What’s wrong with that?
Didn’t my mother do the same? And no one ever said she did anything wrong either.
But when I saw him silently in the room, not saying a word, barely even blinking, I vaguely saw another person’s shadow in him.
Shen Siyuan, my Ah-ba.
This wasn’t the outcome I wanted.
I don’t want a puppet, nor a sickly person.
I want a living person ah.
I want him to love me, to smile at me, and for his heart and eyes to be filled with me.
Is that difficult? It’s not difficult, it just needs a little push.
Using love Gu? Of course not.
I won’t repeat my Ah-ma’s mistakes.
Li Yuze, Yuze Ah-ge, is truly someone with overflowing compassion and someone lacking love.
He actually came to beg me because of Ah Song.
I greatly admired Ah Song; he was very brave, even wanting to go out with Wen Lingyu and the others to embrace a new life. He was so close to succeeding, but unfortunately, his father was the leader’s man.
It wasn’t me who tracked Ah Song and them, but Lu Qi’s Gu. Lu Qi truly believed the leader’s rhetoric, firmly convinced that the outside world was full of dangers.
How laughable; he never stepped out of Shidi Mountain to see for himself.
At that time, Ah Song, in order to protect Wen Lingyu and the others, voluntarily returned and stopped us. I suddenly felt he was a bit foolish.
If it were me, I’d rather die with the person I love. How pitiful would leaving him alone in the world be?
When I met Yuze Ah-ge’s pleading gaze, when he urgently begged me to let Ah Song go, I thought, I know how to make him love me.
After all, he’s such a soft-hearted person.
