RKNDL chapter 25

Wen Yun didn’t speak again. It was as if he had suddenly been submerged by some massive, gloomy emotion, and his whole demeanor rapidly sank into silence.

Xie Zhinan had always been sensitive to Wen Yun’s emotions. He had been used to guessing Wen Yun’s thoughts, and it had almost become a reflex, an instinct.

Even after all these years, this deep-seated instinct still existed, allowing him to immediately notice Wen Yun’s discontent.

Wen Yun was upset.

Why though?

What went wrong?

Xie Zhinan stood half a foot away from Wen Yun, their eyes meeting. His dry, pale lips parted, but he didn’t know how to start the conversation.

For a moment, neither of them spoke, and an awkward silence spread between them, until a soft, mewing sound came from near their feet.

Xie Zhinan looked down.

It was Caramel.

Caramel had been lying in the orange plush cat bed in the living room, but when it heard the movement at the door, it quickly got up and lazily ran to the doorway.

Usually, whenever Xie Zhinan came home, Caramel would immediately lie down at his feet, demanding attention, but today, it noticed that its owner had brought a stranger home.

Caramel ran over, stopping right at Xie Zhinan’s feet, looking up at Wen Yun for two seconds before moving closer to his feet, sniffing twice.

It wasn’t particularly unfamiliar—Caramel recognized this scent. It had smelled it last night.

Caramel also remembered that it was the owner of this scent who had given warmth to it and its owner in the cold wind last night.

Caramel circled around Wen Yun twice, tolerating his presence in its territory.

“Meow.”

Caramel raised its head, its round eyes wide, and sweetly meowed at Wen Yun.

Wen Yun lowered his gaze.

Caramel immediately lay down on the ground, exposing its soft, plushy belly to Wen Yun, offering a gesture of goodwill.

It was quite similar to its owner.

Wen Yun lowered his eyelids, and finally moved.

He crouched down and gently patted Caramel’s head.

The sadness that had settled on Wen Yun earlier seemed to dissolve as he petted the cat, as if it had never existed.

He quickly reined in his emotions and returned to his usual cold and restrained demeanor.

“Is it feeling better?” Wen Yun lightly tapped Caramel’s ears, his expression unchanged.

Caramel, perhaps feeling a bit itchy, immediately shook its head and twitched its pointy ears.

Xie Zhinan also crouched down, but his gaze remained fixed on Wen Yun’s face, carefully observing every nuance of his expression. After a long pause with no response, Wen Yun looked up at Xie Zhinan.

They were very close, and the room was quiet, with their breaths clearly audible. In the moment their eyes met, Xie Zhinan was caught off guard by the intensity of Wen Yun’s gaze, his heart skipping a beat. He quickly looked away and muttered, “…Mm.”

It seemed like he hadn’t fully processed Wen Yun’s question until after the “Mm,” and then added, “…It’s much better this morning, but I still need to withhold food and water for it for the day.”

His attempt to avoid eye contact was too obvious, and it made Wen Yun recall a time in high school when Xie Zhinan had acted the same way, avoiding him.

It was rather silly.

He had hinted at it, but still hadn’t figured it out.

If it hadn’t been for that one time after graduation when he confronted him, perhaps the distance between them wouldn’t have been five years but ten.

Wen Yun smiled bitterly at the thought.

Xie Zhinan sneaked a glance at him, noticing the self-deprecating smile on Wen Yun’s face, and was momentarily stunned.

“Are you… okay?” He couldn’t help but ask.

Wen Yun looked at him, their eyes meeting.

His eyelids were slightly folded and delicate, and when he looked at people, he always seemed so stern.

But this time, Xie Zhinan controlled the instinct to avoid eye contact, looking seriously and directly at Wen Yun, asking, “Are you… upset?”

His bluntness surprised Wen Yun.

He had thought… Xie Zhinan would pretend not to know anything.

They were so close, close enough that they could almost feel each other’s breath on their faces.

But Xie Zhinan didn’t seem to notice the somewhat ambiguous posture they were in. Instead, he stubbornly stared at Wen Yun, waiting for his answer.

His expression was so gentle, it made Wen Yun’s heart soften.

The earlier tension seemed to dissipate slightly, and Wen Yun’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he lowered his voice to ask, “Why do you ask that?”

Xie Zhinan looked a bit troubled, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he said, “…It just felt like you’ve been in a bad mood since you came in. Sorry, is there something about my place that’s made you uncomfortable?”

He always had a knack for misunderstanding Wen Yun in various ways.

Wen Yun lowered his eyes and smiled helplessly. “No, your place is fine.”

Xie Zhinan was even more confused. “Then why…?”

“Why do you ask that?” Wen Yun asked again.

Xie Zhinan looked bewildered. Hadn’t he already answered that question earlier?

But his first reaction wasn’t to doubt Wen Yun; instead, he wondered if he had somehow slipped into some parallel universe, so he hesitated and responded, “Because… since you came into my place, you’ve seemed…”

“I’m not asking about that,” Wen Yun interrupted.

He looked at Xie Zhinan, his eyes deep, and unlike his usual indifferent expression, there was now a subtle, almost imperceptible aggressiveness in them—a slight, almost undetectable form of aggression.

It wasn’t like a wild animal hunting with clear intent, but more like a spider waiting for its prey to wander into its web.

Xie Zhinan, indeed, stared at him blankly, before muttering, “Ah?”

Wen Yun looked at him and asked, “Why do you care whether I’m upset or not?”

Xie Zhinan’s head was spinning, and he couldn’t process it in time. With a blank expression, he subconsciously answered, “Because I don’t want you to be upset.”

The prey was successfully caught.

The gloom in Wen Yun’s heart completely dissipated, and his brows relaxed. He said, “Oh, I see.”

Xie Zhinan: “…”

At this moment, he realized something was wrong. His words sounded… clingy.

Xie Zhinan moved his lips, wanting to explain, but he couldn’t find a way to do so.

That was indeed how he felt.

He had just accidentally said it out loud.

Xie Zhinan lowered his head, his ears turning bright red, and, in a self-deceiving manner, decided to play the ostrich and fell silent.

Wen Yun glanced at his reddened ears, saw that it was a good time to stop, and didn’t press further.

“Meow!”

The meow of Caramel came again from beneath their feet, and both of them looked down.

Caramel was a very clingy little cat. Seeing the two of them talking without paying attention to it, the cat started meowing loudly to get some attention.

It seemed to particularly like Wen Yun.

Who knows whose influence that was from.

Caramel began rubbing its furry head against Wen Yun’s hand as he petted it. Afterward, it tried to claw at Wen Yun’s little leg, its sharp claws extended, gripping his suit pants as it jumped toward his knee.

Fortunately, it didn’t scratch Wen Yun’s pants.

Xie Zhinan’s eyelids twitched. He vaguely remembered that Wen Yun didn’t seem to be fond of small animals. He reached out his arm as if to pick up Caramel from Wen Yun’s lap, saying, “Sorry, it’s a bit clingy, but it usually doesn’t bother strangers. I don’t know why it’s being like this today…”

The word “stranger” suddenly pricked Wen Yun’s nerves. His brow twitched in irritation, and he cut off Xie Zhinan’s words, saying, “It’s fine, it’s very cute.”

Xie Zhinan didn’t expect Wen Yun to say that. His hand froze in mid-air, and instinctively, he said, “But you used to…”

As soon as he said it, he realized something was wrong, and quickly bit his lip, swallowing the rest of the sentence back.

Wen Yun had already let him off once, but it seemed that Xie Zhinan was indeed not in the best state today, and Wen Yun caught him making a mistake.

Xie Zhinan thought he had concealed it well, but in reality, he was like a broken sesame dumpling, with everything exposed.

Wen Yun stared intently at him, the hint of aggression in his eyes stronger than before. His brow twitched slightly, and he asked, “What did I used to be like?”

They rarely talked about the past, or more precisely, Xie Zhinan never did.

It was as if pretending nothing had ever happened could truly make it all go away.

But both of them knew very well that everything had happened.

Everything from the past lingered in their dreams, affecting them at every moment, so much so that they often unintentionally revealed their familiarity with one another.

“…Nothing… nothing,” Xie Zhinan turned his face away, avoiding the question. He tried to salvage the situation, mumbling, “I just thought… you might… not like kittens.”

Wen Yun replied, “I might not have liked them before, but I can like them now.”

Xie Zhinan moved his lips, about to say something, but then heard Wen Yun continue, “Besides, I never really disliked them before.”

He didn’t know what Wen Yun meant by that.

Xie Zhinan lowered his head again, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand in a self-conscious gesture, muttering a low “oh.”

Once again, he was acting foolish and clueless, which made Wen Yun itch with frustration.

Perhaps sensing some danger, Xie Zhinan dared not look up. After a few seconds, Wen Yun sighed silently in his heart and chose not to press him further.

He pinched Caramel’s neck, but his gaze passed over the pale, smooth neck that Xie Zhinan had exposed while lowering his head. Wen Yun broke the silence first, “What’s its name?”

With the crisis averted, Xie Zhinan’s shoulders relaxed as if letting go of tension. He slowly responded, “…Caramel.”

Wen Yun took note of his reaction and clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction, though his face remained neutral, not wanting to scare him back into hiding. He asked lightly, “What made you decide to get a cat?”

Xie Zhinan said, “I found it, so I kept it.”

“How long have you had it?”

“…Almost five years.”

It was a somewhat special number. Wen Yun looked up, his gaze deep and fixed on Xie Zhinan.

Xie Zhinan lowered his eyes, his long lashes casting a shadow over his eyes, making it hard to see what emotions lay behind them.

Wen Yun then withdrew his gaze and said, “You’ve had it for so long.”

Five years was a long time.

It was unclear if this statement carried any deeper meaning, but Xie Zhinan moved his lips and finally just murmured a “mm.”

Rather than cling to strangers, Caramel seemed to prefer being with its owner. After staying in Wen Yun’s arms for a while, it got restless, squirming free and going to scratch at Xie Zhinan’s pants, making soft mewing noises.

Xie Zhinan picked it up, tucked it into his arms, petted it a few times, and then placed it on the small two-person sofa in the living room, preparing to turn and fetch water for Wen Yun.

“Mr. Wen, please sit, I’ll…”

Before he could finish, he was pressed down by a hand on his shoulder, and he was gently pushed into the sofa.

He was now sitting next to his cat.

Xie Zhinan froze and looked up.

Wen Yun glanced at him and said, “Sit and rest.”

Xie Zhinan, already weak in the legs, didn’t react in time. His body, already compliant, sank into the soft sofa.

When he realized something was wrong, Wen Yun had already walked over to the small white dining table and picked up the glass that Xie Zhinan had earlier left with just a sip of water.

Wen Yun seemed at ease, even more so than the owner, and Xie Zhinan blinked as he watched Wen Yun go into the small kitchen, dump out the water, and refill it with hot water from the dispenser.

That was his used glass!

Xie Zhinan felt a little heat on his face and was about to stand up and get Wen Yun a new cup when Caramel suddenly wiggled its butt and jumped onto Xie Zhinan’s lap, firmly occupying his seat and preventing him from moving.

During this brief distraction, Wen Yun had already filled the cup with hot water and walked back to the sofa, offering it to him.

Xie Zhinan was momentarily stunned.

Is… is this for him?

“I can hear that your throat is still a bit hoarse,” Wen Yun said as he placed the hot water in Xie Zhinan’s hands. “Don’t talk too much.”

“…Oh.” Xie Zhinan was indeed very thirsty, his lips parched. But he also felt a little embarrassed—he was in his own home, yet the one being taken care of was still him. He mumbled a “thank you” and quickly lowered his head to sip the water, all while subtly observing Wen Yun.

Wen Yun laughed at him: “Do you think I can quench your thirst?”

Xie Zhinan’s face immediately turned red. He quickly shook his head and then tilted his head back, drinking the hot water in one go.

He drank it as if he were downing alcohol.

He was this thirsty.

Wen Yun asked, “Do you want more?”

“No… no thanks.” Xie Zhinan shook his head, his mind feeling dizzy. He really couldn’t tell anymore who was visiting whose home.

Suddenly, Xie Zhinan’s phone vibrated.

Feeling a bit awkward, he decided to take out his phone to distract himself. After unlocking the screen, a WeChat message immediately popped up.

Wen Yun stood in front of him, clearly seeing everything.

[Lin Yang]：The men these days are all so disappointing [heartbroken]

[Lin Yang]：Hubby, how about you be my boyfriend instead? [rose]

The amount of information was overwhelming and complicated.

Wen Yun: “…”

Xie Zhinan: “…”

Xie Zhinan’s sharp, almost animal-like intuition made him sense that something was off.

He stiffly looked up, robotically, little by little.

As expected, Wen Yun’s expression had turned cold again. His eyes were like frozen ice, piercing through Xie Zhinan without any courtesy. His voice was cold, and there was an unmistakable sarcasm in it.

“So you’re already someone else’s husband,” he glanced at the wolf-ear plush slippers on his feet, and with a cool tone, he said, “No wonder you’re wearing couple slippers with someone else.”

Xie Zhinan: “…”

“This isn’t a couple’s slipper…” Xie Zhinan tried to explain.

“So you’re really someone else’s husband?” Wen Yun looked down from above, his gaze cold.

“…No.” Xie Zhinan murmured, “This is my friend.”

“Can I call you husband then? And ask if you can be my boyfriend?”

Xie Zhinan fell silent.

Wen Yun asked again, “So, you and your friend call each other husband?”

“Actually… calling each other that now is, well, pretty normal between close friends.” Xie Zhinan stammered, “It doesn’t mean we’re really in a romantic relationship.”

Wen Yun lowered his head, and Xie Zhinan looked up. Their eyes met in midair.

Xie Zhinan gazed into Wen Yun’s dark eyes, which were heavy with an unspoken meaning. His tone was strange: “Oh, very normal, huh?”

It didn’t sound sarcastic, but it was still strange.

It felt like he was about to call him “husband” just to see if it was really that normal.

Xie Zhinan felt nervous under his stare. Even though he’d just had some water, his throat felt dry, tight.

Wen Yun’s lips were pressed straight, thin, and when he was expressionless, they appeared even colder and more distant.

His expression was cold, his gaze also cold, but Xie Zhinan couldn’t shake the feeling that the places his eyes swept over felt burning hot.

Wen Yun’s gaze moved from Xie Zhinan’s eyes to his nose, then to his slightly damp lips and slender, pale chin, before resting on the trembling Adam’s apple.

“What are you nervous about?” Wen Yun suddenly asked.

Xie Zhinan shivered and answered, “I-I’m not nervous.”

“Oh.” Wen Yun said, “Then why are you shaking?”

Xie Zhinan immediately shut his mouth and stopped speaking.

Wen Yun looked at him thoughtfully. “Are you afraid I’ll call you h…”

“Mr. Wen!” Xie Zhinan urgently interrupted, “What do you want for dinner?”

Wen Yun: “…”

Wen Yun’s expression was blank. “Xie Zhinan, what a lousy way to change the subject.”

Xie Zhinan awkwardly rubbed his nose and muttered, “I-I should treat you well.”

Once again, with that evasive attitude, it made him more frustrated.

“Am I such a beast that I’d let my employee, who just returned from the hospital after an IV drip, cook dinner for me? I think I’m still human, right?” Wen Yun said coolly.

Xie Zhinan didn’t dare say another word.

Wen Yun also remained silent.

This time, the silence lasted a bit longer. Xie Zhinan cautiously raised his eyes, glanced at Wen Yun’s face, then quickly looked away.

Wen Yun: “…”

Wen Yun softened a little at Xie Zhinan’s cautious probing, but his frustration was still hard to suppress. He clicked his tongue, held back for a while, and finally placed his hand on Xie Zhinan’s head, pressing down firmly, rubbing his hair in a somewhat punishing manner.

He messed up Xie Zhinan’s already disheveled hair even more.

Xie Zhinan thought this move was even more rough than when he had patted his caramel-colored head earlier. His head was already spinning, and now it felt even more dizzying.

He sluggishly lifted his head, looking dazed, his eyes filled with a faint trace of unspoken aggrievement.

Wen Yun found it amusing. “Xie Zhinan, are you glaring at me?”

Xie Zhinan awkwardly shifted his gaze, lowering his voice in a guilty tone. “I-I wasn’t.”

Wen Yun narrowed his eyes, staring at his increasingly flushed face, and suddenly asked, “Has your friend worn these slippers before?”

Xie Zhinan looked down at the wolf-ear plush slippers on Wen Yun’s feet.

They weren’t specifically couple slippers when he bought them, but with Wen Yun wearing them and standing in front of him, it really did seem… off.

Xie Zhinan uncomfortably shifted his foot, and the bunny ears on his slippers wiggled along.

“No, never worn, they’re new.” He paused, as if possessed, and added quietly, “Only you have worn them.”

Wen Yun raised an eyebrow, looking a little more pleased.

“Oh. I see,” he said.

Xie Zhinan lowered his head, not daring to look at him, and said, “Mm.”

“There aren’t any other couple slippers, right?”

“…”

Xie Zhinan paused for a moment, then answered honestly, “No, there’s only… this pair, and I haven’t… been with anyone… as a couple.”

He was too obedient.

Wen Yun had no doubt that if it were someone else, they would easily be able to bully him to death.

Wen Yun looked at the fair, smooth back of Xie Zhinan’s neck again. His fingers, hanging by his side, trembled uncontrollably, almost as if they were making a small, gentle caress.

Even he was bullying Xie Zhinan.

Because Xie Zhinan was just so easy to bully.

If someone flipped open his belly, he’d probably weakly push them away, and then let anyone do as they pleased, rubbing him however they wanted.

Human desire, it seems, is never fully satisfied.

Before sending Xie Zhinan home, he only wanted to give him a ride.

Xie Zhinan truly invited him up, and he only wanted to take a quick look at where Xie Zhinan had been living for the past few years.

But once he was actually here, he wanted more.

He wanted to know how Xie Zhinan had been living, how he had raised his little cat, when he’d made such a close friend, wanted to know if he…

Had been in a relationship with anyone else in these five years.

He wanted to stay, wanted to leave his own scent in the space filled with Xie Zhinan’s presence…

There were too many desires, piling up in Wen Yun’s heart, almost making his chest ache with the pressure.

It was an unprecedented experience.

Wen Yun had always thought of himself as someone emotionally deprived, but meeting Xie Zhinan seemed to be a way to make up for all the emotions he had never had before, exploding in his chest like fireworks.

For a moment, the noisy desires clamored in Wen Yun’s ears, and countless thoughts spread wildly in his mind, pushing him to do something excessive.

But after a long time, he only lowered his eyes, quietly watching him, and said, “Me too.”

Xie Zhinan didn’t immediately respond, staring blankly as he asked, “What?”

So Wen Yun patiently repeated, “I’ve not had a romantic relationship with anyone either. Me too.”

Xie Zhinan’s heart immediately began to race uncontrollably, as though it had broken.

His throat moved slightly, his lips, moistened by water, parted and closed, but no sound came out.

Wen Yun knew that this was enough for today.

You can’t push someone too hard.

…Don’t push too hard.

“Get some rest,” he retracted his presence, forcefully suppressing the restless desires, and seemingly calmly said to Xie Zhinan, “…I just came to see you, and now I’m leaving.”

Xie Zhinan had just been caught off guard by Wen Yun’s words. His back hadn’t even had time to tense up when he heard him turn about to leave, as if what he had just said was a casual remark. He didn’t know how to respond, and his confused thoughts tangled in his mind for a long time, only finally focusing on the most important point.

He had invited his boss to his home, but hadn’t even offered him a glass of water, and instead, he had been the one taken care of.

…It was almost as if the world had flipped upside down.

Wen Yun had already started to turn around, and in a panic, Xie Zhinan grabbed the corner of his shirt.

Wen Yun lowered his gaze.

Xie Zhinan, along with the cat in his arms, reached out. Xie Zhinan’s hand clutched at his sleeve, while the cat’s paw grabbed at his pants, both of them looking up with wide eyes, staring at him.

Xie Zhinan, blushing, stammered, “But I… I haven’t even let you drink a glass of water, and you haven’t eaten…”

There was no flirtatious implication in these words.

Wen Yun understood Xie Zhinan too well. He was a person with a strong sense of morality but a low sense of worthiness

When others were good to him, if he couldn’t give something back, his conscience would weigh heavily on him.

It was probably because he had seldom received kindness in the past, so Xie Zhinan carried a mental scale that was constantly calculating.

Any small kindness, he had to account for, then repay it doubly, so that he wouldn’t feel burdened.

It even surpassed his instinct not to interact with his ex-boyfriend.

No.

His actions were meant to allow him to feel justified in reducing his interactions with Wen Yun.

How stupid.

He didn’t realize that Wen Yun was intentionally making things complicated between them.

Wen Yun wanted Xie Zhinan to always owe him, preferably to the point where it could never be repaid.

This was just the beginning.

He had originally planned to let him go.

Wen Yun knew that Xie Zhinan’s attempt to keep him had no romantic implications, but still, he couldn’t help but feel amused, half reluctantly, half irritated. He bent slightly, looking directly at Xie Zhinan, and casually asked.

“Xie Zhinan, do you know what it means to stop me like this?”