TBS Chapter 37

After hanging up the call, Xie Ge used the money Xu Miao had given him to settle the bill and walked out of the restaurant, but he didn’t go home. He sat down on a bench across the street, watching the people passing by with nothing better to do.

He couldn’t quite say why, but his chest felt messy, restless—maybe because he regretted calling Xu Miao in the first place.

He should have thought earlier of reaching out to a friend. After all, the cost of a meal was nothing. As long as he asked, anyone would’ve lent him the money without hesitation.

So why did he have to call Xu Miao?

And even end up being forced to say those kinds of words.

He didn’t want Xu Miao to be Xu Miao.

Xu Miao would never have the heart to treat him this way. Xu Miao was the kind of good person who, even when buying him an ice cream cone for ten-something yuan, would transfer him five hundred. How could someone like that, after marriage, take away all his money and only leave him with three hundred?

Originally, his plan had been—after meeting Xu Miao—to hand over everything he had, as an excuse for Xu Miao to keep him under control, to make Xu Miao spend more effort and time on him, so he wouldn’t have room left to care about anyone or anything else.

But Xu Miao had become Xu Miao.

Half lost in a daze, Xie Ge’s phone rang again—it was Xu Miao calling. He answered, but didn’t say anything.

The street was noisy, yet Xu Miao’s breathing came through the receiver crystal clear. After a while, Xie Ge finally spoke:

“The money you gave me—I only spent half. I didn’t spend much.”

He had wanted to give himself more time to think, to avoid saying something stupid. But his mouth was still faster than his brain.

Ever since waking up in the hospital, Xie Ge felt like there were too many things he didn’t know.

He didn’t know why he always instinctively wanted to explain himself to this not-Xu-Miao Xu Miao. He didn’t know why he was always afraid that this not-Xu-Miao Xu Miao would misunderstand him, think he had bad habits.

And even more, he didn’t know why—on one hand he couldn’t accept that the girlfriend he had dated for years was actually a man—yet on the other hand he kept half-yielding, half-compromising, going along with this man Xu Miao.

He clearly couldn’t accept being with a man.

Phone in hand, Xie Ge was drifting off again when Xu Miao gave a quiet “mm.”
So Xie Ge said, “I don’t remember how much pocket money you used to give me each time, or how often. Just deduct the extra from today from what’s next.”

“It won’t happen again,” he added, promising.

Xu Miao said, “I never thought you spent a lot. I’ve never once thought you spent too much—not before, and even less so now. Besides, you’re spending your own money.”

Other than the change from a woman’s voice to a man’s, Xu Miao’s tone and choice of words were no different from Xu Miao’s.

Back in that familiar rhythm of conversation, Xie Ge relaxed a lot, and naturally treated Xu Miao as if he were Xu Miao again.

“What’s mine is yours.”

He thought the topic would end there. But unexpectedly, Xu Miao, gentle yet persistent, pressed on:

“At first I only wanted to tease you. Later I realized maybe you wouldn’t like that kind of joke. I’ve already transferred all the money back to your account. From now on, you don’t need to ask me for pocket money anymore.”

“Why?” Xie Ge asked.

He didn’t get it.

He had never brought up pocket money again, nor had he complained about it or expressed dissatisfaction with Xu Miao. So why return the money?

“You don’t want to manage me anymore?” Xie Ge said. “Just because I forgot some things? Just because I can’t accept that you’re a man?”

Xu Miao’s voice was calm, with no emotion: “Isn’t that enough reason?”

Xie Ge fell silent. After a long pause, he said, “I don’t know.”

He hesitated, then added softly:
“It’s like my brain really broke. Last night, after you fell asleep, I even thought about secretly kissing you. Just to test whether you and I… could work.”

“I know.”

Xie Ge let out a startled “Ah?” Xu Miao continued, “I wasn’t asleep. I knew.”

At last, Xu Miao laughed. His laugh was light, as if Xie Ge’s reaction had improved his mood:
“You never suspected I was pretending? I was afraid if you kissed me, you’d feel disgusted. Even more afraid that in the end you wouldn’t dare kiss me at all. So I held you instead—because I didn’t want you to try.”

“I didn’t fall asleep until really late,” Xie Ge muttered, out of nowhere.

His words trailed without context, but Xu Miao understood completely. Xie Ge was blaming him—his overbearing interference had left him lying awake.

“But you got up really late today too,” Xu Miao complained back. “You avoided me the whole morning, didn’t eat lunch with me, and the moment your alarm rang you ran off.”

Xie Ge looked surprised, a little embarrassed. “How did you know…”

Xu Miao: “I picked all your ringtones. Of course I know whether it’s a call or an alarm.”

“Do you… really hate me that much?” Xu Miao’s voice turned faint again, making it impossible to tell whether there was hurt in it or not.

Not accepting the gender was one thing. Dislike was another. Xie Ge hurried to deny it:
“No, it’s not hate. It’s just that when I’m with you, my head is always a mess. I keep wanting to do things, and end up doing weird things.”

“Those aren’t weird things,” Xu Miao said.

“And why is it that on the phone, you can treat me so much more warmly, talk to me so much more easily?” He gave a small suggestion:
“From now on, let’s talk on the phone more often. But I won’t use a voice changer anymore. You’ll have to get used to the fact that I’m not a woman.”

After saying that, Xu Miao hung up.
He was so quick that Xie Ge didn’t even have time to say whether that was good or bad.

So he just sat there, dazed again.

As soon as Xu Miao finished speaking, he hung up—so fast that Xie Ge didn’t even have time to respond with a yes or no.

All he could do was continue staring blankly, when suddenly, it began to rain.

The rain came suddenly, and it came hard—so heavy that in just a few seconds, Xie Ge was nearly soaked through.

Without an umbrella, he had no choice but to duck into the nearest shelter: a dessert shop.

Xie Ge wasn’t particularly interested in sweets, but since he was taking up a seat, he ordered something off the clerk’s recommendation: a pudding tart, a waffle, and a glass of sparkling water.

Perhaps because of the rain, the shop was crowded, nearly full. After a short wait, the server brought out his order.

The dishes looked almost identical to the menu pictures—if anything, even prettier. Perfect for taking photos. Out of habit, Xie Ge snapped a few shots. But just as he was about to hit send, he caught himself, swiped left, and backed out.

Back in the chat window, he hesitated, then tapped the “+” icon at the bottom right, went into his photo album, and selected the shots he’d just taken.

The “send” button sat there at the bottom, his thumb hovering above it for a long moment before he decided to back out.

The first left-swipe didn’t work. Frustrated, he swiped harder the second time—only to accidentally brush the send button.

Fast data speeds weren’t always a good thing. In the blink of an eye, the little loading circle spun once and the message went through—“Sent.”

Xie Ge froze, then quickly retreated back to the home screen, flipped his phone face-down on the table, and deliberately ignored it.

No matter what Xu Miao replied later, he wouldn’t look!

Five minutes passed. No notification.

Ten minutes. Still nothing.

Xie Ge picked up his phone to check if it was on silent.

It wasn’t.

He set it down again.

With his straw, he poked at the cotton candy cloud perched on the rim of his glass, pushing it into the sparkling water. It melted almost instantly, leaving only the colorful sugar pearls scattered on top, their colors slowly bleeding out into the bubbles.

A soft knock on the table.
“Excuse me, the shop’s full. Mind if I sit here?”

Xie Ge followed the hand upward with his eyes.

It was Xu Miao.

Xie Ge stared at him for a moment, neither agreeing nor refusing.

Outside, the rain still poured—so heavy that even with an umbrella, Xu Miao’s light-colored jacket was dotted all over with dark, wet patches.

Without waiting for permission, he pulled out the chair across from Xie Ge and sat down. Then he reached out, took the straw and the now-cloudy sparkling water from Xie Ge’s hand, and took a sip.

It was citrus-mint flavor—something Xu Miao didn’t like. He only took one mouthful before handing the glass back.

“Cold,” he remarked. “It’s freezing today, and you’re still drinking something icy like this.”

Xie Ge took the glass back. Naturally, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, he bit down on the straw and drank again.

Sure enough—ice-cold, numbing his tongue.

He didn’t pick up on Xu Miao’s words. Instead, he asked, “How did you know I was here?”

Xu Miao ignored the question, focusing instead on cutting the waffle.

Green pistachio cream spilled over it like a waterfall, pooling so much it was nearly overflowing the shallow plate. Crushed pistachios were scattered thick across the top, with a few blueberries dotted here and there.

He tasted a small piece. Crisp outside, soft inside. The pistachio cream wasn’t too sweet—delicious.

But after eating only half of a quarter piece, he set his utensils down. His mind already made up, he looked at Xie Ge and told him plainly:

“There’s tracking software on your phone. Wherever you go, I know.”

Of course, he could’ve said instead that the photos Xie Ge sent had happened to capture the shop logo, and he’d just searched it up.

And that it was only because he happened to be nearby that he was able to get to a place twenty minutes from home in just ten.

Xie Ge’s back went rigid. He stared at Xu Miao, almost blankly.

Xu Miao lowered his gaze, avoiding Xie Ge’s eyes, and spoke softly: “I don’t check your location often. But today, it was raining.”

You didn’t bring an umbrella. Your clothes were wet.

I didn’t want you getting sick again.