Suggesting they meet was an impulsive decision for Xu Miao, but once the words left his mouth, they were like rain that had already fallen—there was no way to take them back.
Xu Miao had always said ATM was easy to coax, and it was true. Just moments ago, Xie Ge had been sulky, but as soon as Xu Miao said he wanted to meet, he became so happy it felt like he might bounce right out of the phone.
“I thought… I thought you wouldn’t want to. What do I do? I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight.”
Emotions don’t flow equally between people. On Xie Ge’s side, he was overjoyed. In Xu Miao’s heart, there was only complicated unease. High expectations were never a good thing.
He spoke softly:
“When you see me… you might be disappointed.”
“Why would I be disappointed? Just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time.”
As Xie Ge spoke, he somehow managed to make himself feel wronged.
“You’re so stingy. Except for your hand in a photo, I haven’t seen any part of you. Then I’m not showing you my face either.”
“I thought you just didn’t like showing your face. Turns out you’ve been sulking at me this whole time?”
“I wasn’t sulking! I wouldn’t get mad at you. I was just leaving myself a backup plan. That way, if you ever suddenly get curious about what I look like, I can make you trade me a picture of your face first.”
Always full of little schemes. Xu Miao let out a muffled laugh.
“I’m not good-looking, though.”
“I’m not good-looking either,” Xie Ge hummed.
Another lie, Xu Miao thought.
He deliberately teased:
“But I like good-looking people. What am I gonna do?”
Hearing this, Xie Ge kept whining:
“Then I’ll wear a mask when I meet you. My eyes are really pretty. The moment you see them, you’ll definitely want to kiss me.”
Xu Miao laughed. “Narcissist.”
“Stingy!” Xie Ge shot back, unwilling to lose.
As if to prove he wasn’t stingy, Xu Miao put him on speaker, opened their chat, and transferred him some money.
“Tomorrow I’ll send you my location. Book a ticket to come see me.”
He knew perfectly well that Xie Ge was in the same city as him right now. They’d even seen each other today. But Xie Ge had said he was in C City, so Xu Miao would just play along and pretend he believed it.
“You’re giving me so much money again. Then I’m booking first class.”
“Okay.”
Xu Miao couldn’t help the slight curl of his lips, letting himself momentarily forget that this relationship was built on mutual deception. He imagined a life inside the lie:
“If we were in the same city, I could just drive to pick you up. There’s a private kitchen that’s really good—I’ve been wanting to take you there. After dinner, we could walk along the river, late into the night. Then I’d have an excuse to bring you home.”
Xu Miao didn’t know that on the other end, Xie Ge’s face was as red as if he were about to boil, squatting on the floor and clutching his chest, like he was afraid his heart might jump out.
“Stop talking. I’m gonna die,” Xie Ge whispered, pleading.
He was so overwhelmed that he couldn’t even keep the call going. He begged Xu Miao for five minutes to calm down and called back after the break.
But unexpected things always came at the worst time.
Just as the call with Xie Ge ended, another call came in.
Plans never kept up with change—Xu Miao was suddenly notified that he had to fly to Country S on a business trip to discuss an important cooperation with the Xie Group.
A red-eye flight, one week away. He could only tell Xie Ge that tomorrow’s meeting was canceled, and they’d meet when there was another chance.
He heard Xie Ge crying on the phone.
Helpless to change the fact, Xu Miao felt a pang of guilt.
“I’m sorry.”
Xie Ge sniffled.
“Are you scared that I’m ugly? How about… we video call? You don’t have to turn on your camera. You can just look at me… and then decide if you still want to meet me, okay?”
“If you think I’m not pretty, can you just pretend you never saw my face? We can keep talking and chatting like before. I promise I’ll never bring up meeting in person again.”
But what difference would a video call make or not make? The business trip schedule couldn’t be changed either way. Just thinking about the massive workload for the next week, Xu Miao couldn’t suppress the wave of fatigue rising in him.
“Forget it.”
Xu Miao’s tone made Xie Ge feel scared. He couldn’t control himself; his mind leapt straight to the worst possible outcome. He started crying miserably:
“I don’t want to meet anymore. I don’t want you to see me either. I’ll do whatever you say. I’ll listen to you completely. Please don’t abandon me, I beg you. I don’t want to break up.”
Xu Miao couldn’t understand how Xie Ge’s thoughts jumped to breaking up. He had never thought about breaking up—at least, not before Xie Ge discovered he was a man.
Explaining things was never Xu Miao’s strength, but hearing Xie Ge cry made his heart soften.
“I’m not breaking up with you.”
Xie Ge stopped crying, still hiccuping between breaths.
“Then promise me… even if I’m not pretty, you won’t break up with me. I want to be prettier… but… but…”
Xu Miao didn’t understand why Xie Ge cared so much about whether he was pretty or not. Xu Miao never thought looks were that important. But even if he didn’t understand, he patiently explained:
“I don’t like you because you’re pretty, and I won’t stop liking you because you’re not. It really is just sudden work. I have a red-eye flight. It’s not that I don’t want to see you.”
Even though the excuse sounded flimsy, Xie Ge still chose to believe it—because he wanted to. He was coaxed easily:
“Okay… I believe you. Then don’t work too hard. When you’re not busy… you can think about me more.”
But after hearing Xu Miao’s “looks don’t matter” speech, the thought of meeting in person quietly rekindled in Xie Ge’s heart.
“Then that ‘later’ you mentioned, when is it exactly? You have to give me something to look forward to.”
Xu Miao thought for a long moment before saying:
“When I send you my location, that’s when we’ll meet.”
“But I don’t know when you’ll send it. Waiting will be so hard…” Xie Ge pressed a little further in a soft voice. “I think… maybe you could at least give me a time frame.”
Xu Miao saw right through his little ploy but indulged him anyway.
“I’ll send you my location as soon as I land, okay? The money I just transferred should be enough for you to have fun for a few days there. If I have time, we’ll meet. If I don’t, then just treat it like a trip abroad.”
“Okay!” Xie Ge was thrilled. “I’ll make myself super pretty. You have to see me.”
Xu Miao couldn’t help but laugh.
“Didn’t I say whether you’re pretty or not doesn’t matter? Why are you still hung up on this?”
“I can’t help worrying.”
“Well, I’m not worried. What’s there for you to worry about?”
“Of course you don’t need to worry. I’ll like you no matter what you look like. I’m not shallow like that,” Xie Ge said with total conviction, sounding almost like he was blaming Xu Miao for being the shallow one. “Feelings—feelings are what matter most.”
What if the gender were different? Would you still accept it? Xu Miao wanted to ask, but he couldn’t say it out loud.
Forget it, he thought. One step at a time.
Xu Miao glanced at the time, chatted a little longer with Xie Ge, then hastily ended the call. After packing up a few things, he headed to the airport.
Xie Ge was still over the moon. From the moment they hung up, he began bombarding Xu Miao with messages:
[ATM]: What time is your red-eye flight?
[ATM]: When will you land?
[ATM]: Why can’t I fly?
[ATM]: If I could fly, the moment you sent me your location, I’d whoosh straight to your side.
……
Xu Miao didn’t reply to Xie Ge’s messages right away. He only sent one back right before the plane was about to take off:
“See you tomorrow, if possible.”
Xu Miao never expected those words to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They did meet the next evening—just not in the identities they were familiar with.
Xie Ge—youngest son of Chairman Xie, Xu Miao’s boyfriend—was also the newly appointed project lead on the partner company’s side for this collaboration.
Xu Miao forced himself to remain calm. Nothing “unexpected” happened. He even managed to control the urge to look at Xie Ge.
After the banquet ended, Xu Miao was completely exhausted. He found an empty corner to smoke in.
He thought he had hidden himself well enough in that secluded spot, but he hadn’t expected anyone else to show up—and one of them was Xie Ge.
“I have a girlfriend,” Xu Miao heard Xie Ge say to the person beside him. “And I really dislike people like you.”
Xu Miao instantly understood the subtext in Xie Ge’s words—
I’m not gay.
