NANSO Chapter 35

TL: Hua

“I don’t have a guardian; no one will bail me out.”

“Pay for damages? I don’t have money either.”

“Detention? Then detain me. I won’t apologize to those bastards.”

Xie Yu sat in the interrogation room. His fist, from hitting someone, had scraped against a backpack chain, tearing a coin-sized piece of skin. It had stopped bleeding now, with a thick scab clotted on it, turning blackish-red.

The officer, with a headache, typed on the keyboard: “Judging by your school uniform, you’re still a high school student, right? This matter needs to be brought to your guardians…”

“I said I don’t have a guardian.”

Xie Yu interrupted, his tone stiff. His hair seemed to have been uncut for a long time, falling to partially cover his eyes, which were fixed intently on the officer, looking inexplicably gloomy.

“Alright, then I can only issue you a detention notice…”

The officer sighed, entering information in front of Xie Yu. Neither of them spoke. The small interrogation room was silent, save for the sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Click-clack, click-clack.

Xie Yu restlessly kicked the floor, annoyed.

He didn’t know what the person was writing in the record—whether it was about him bullying classmates and breaking the law or being defiant and stubborn. In any case, it wouldn’t be anything good.

The officer typed mechanically. After an unknown amount of time, he suddenly paused, then double-clicked the screen, seemingly confirming something.

Xie Yu rubbed his school pants and stood up carelessly: “Done? Where am I being detained?”

He’d rather just go in quickly than be scrutinized with surprised and pitying eyes.

“No, wait a moment; let me confirm. Someone’s here to bail you out.”

“Someone?” Xie Yu sneered, sitting back down, “Your system made a mistake. I don’t have a guardian.”

To his surprise, the officer tapped twice: “No, there really is someone. You can go out; someone’s paid your fine and is waiting for you in the lobby.”

Xie Yu thought, Who’s playing a joke now, or did they mix up names? He stood up: “Who’s bailing me out?”

The officer tapped lightly on the screen: “Let me see—oh, his name is Shen Ci.”

Xie Yu saw Shen Ci in the administrative lobby.

When he emerged, the man with the pleasant name was flipping through bail documents. He wore a suit and old-fashioned silver-rimmed glasses. His face was refined and elegant, looking less like he belonged in a noisy administrative lobby reading bail documents and more like an ancient scholar reciting poetry in a courtyard filled with plantain trees.

Xie Yu didn’t know anyone like this. His high school years were like a puddle of sewage in a gutter, completely unconnected to the man in the suit before him.

Xie Yu thought: There must be a mistake.

He picked up his backpack, intending to go back and explain to the officer that he didn’t know this Shen Ci, and the other person wasn’t there for him. He just wanted to get the detention process over with; he didn’t want to waste time.

But Shen Ci had already looked up and seen him.

The moment he saw Xie Yu, a striking brilliance suddenly burst forth in his eyes, like surprise, and also like nostalgia. He meticulously traced Xie Yu’s outline with his gaze, as greedily as a traveler thirsting for water in the desert.

Xie Yu felt extremely awkward.

He subtly assessed himself: his school uniform had been worn for a long time; it was old, faded, and wrinkled, hanging loosely on him. His hands and backpack had bloodstains. He looked like a delinquent at a glance.

If they met on the street, Shen Ci would probably want to walk around him.

The teenager’s self-esteem was immediately pricked. He sat cross-legged opposite Shen Ci, deliberately tossing his backpack onto the nearby stool with a loud thud, and then casually spoke: “Who are you? What do you want with me?”

Shen Ci’s peripheral vision had been on the wound on Xie Yu’s hand. Now, he raised a hand to push up his glasses and smiled gently: “Your father had something come up; he asked me to look after you for a while. Don’t go home these two days; stay with me.”

As he spoke, he pushed over a phone screen recording: a drunken man was sprawled on a couch, mumbling as if in a trance, “Shen Ci… is your, distant, distant cousin. He’s been in Jiangcheng recently. I asked, asked him to look after you.”

Xie Yu almost laughed.

He couldn’t tell which was more absurd: that his impoverished ancestral graves had suddenly produced someone as rich and noble as Shen Ci, or that his utterly corrupted biological father, even when drunk, remembered to find a temporary guardian for him.

Shen Ci said, “If you don’t believe me, you can call your father. He really did ask me to look after you.”

Though he had used some tactics.

Xie Yu couldn’t be bothered to talk to his biological father. He picked up his backpack: “Fine, where are we going then?”

He scrutinized Shen Ci, drawing out the end of his words: “Cousin?”

Shen Ci paused, turning.

He quickly masked this tiny hesitation, then naturally took the backpack from Xie Yu’s hand: “I drove here; get in the car.”

Xie Yu’s breath hitched. He snatched his backpack back from Shen Ci’s hand: “I don’t need you to carry it!”

He was a high school student, not an elementary schooler. He was even taller than Shen Ci; why would the delicate-looking cousin need to carry his backpack?

Shen Ci was pulled by him and stumbled slightly but said nothing. He simply smiled good-naturedly: “Alright, carry it yourself then.”

“…”

Xie Yu was even more annoyed.

This cousin, who appeared out of nowhere, seemed to be treating him like a three-year-old, with a helpless indulgence, as if he needed to be coaxed into cooperation.

But one doesn’t hit a smiling face. With Shen Ci looking like this, Xie Yu couldn’t really lash out. He just kept a sullen face, watching Shen Ci open the trunk to put his backpack in, then walk around to open the passenger door for him.

“…”

It felt like being looked after like a three-year-old.

Xie Yu felt a surge of anger, slid into the car with a huff, and sulked. Shen Ci got in, gently reminding him, “You need to fasten your seatbelt.”

Xie Yu then fell silent.

This feeling was truly odd. In Xie Yu’s previous decades of life, his biological father treated him like an enemy, teachers and classmates avoided him, and other relatives were strangers. Yet, here was an unknown “cousin” speaking kindly, telling him to fasten his seatbelt.

He mumbled, “I know, no need to nag,” but still obediently buckled up.

Shen Ci gripped the steering wheel and drove to a riverside residential area.

This place was adjacent to a business district, with two prestigious elementary schools nearby, and housing prices remained high. Xie Yu thought, “As expected, he’s either rich or noble.”

The other party lived in a large, flat apartment overlooking the river. When Xie Yu entered, Shen Ci pointed to a room for him: “You’ll live here from now on.”

He led Xie Yu around the room, smiling apologetically as he did so: “Time was tight; there wasn’t enough time to decorate. I bought you a few small things; see if you like them.”

Xie Yu couldn’t possibly dislike them; Shen Ci had bought them exactly to his preferences.

Xie Yu didn’t have many hobbies. He liked playing video games, so there was a floor-standing display and matching controllers in the room. Xie Yu liked riding motorcycles, so there was a limited-edition helmet and motorcycle keys in the room. Shen Ci even knew all his favorite drinks and snacks.

“…”

Xie Yu looked around, then stiffly said, “Thank you.”

He didn’t often say that word, his expression stiff and awkward. Shen Ci didn’t point it out. He was about to leave to give Xie Yu some private space, but then he suddenly remembered something: “Oh right, your college entrance exam is coming up, isn’t it?”

He looked at Xie Yu’s school uniform and the name tag on his backpack: “I remember your dad said you’re about to start your third year of high school? Then you’ll need to control your game time. You can only play after you’ve finished your papers.”

Xie Yu was already beyond awkward.

He didn’t know how this cousin could be so meddlesome. Managing his food and lodging was one thing, but he was actually going to manage his studies too. Xie Yu hadn’t studied for almost over a year.

But Shen Ci was serious.

That evening, he really did knock on Xie Yu’s door with test papers, asking, “Want to try them?”

Shen Ci’s gaze was sincere. Xie Yu was soft-hearted, and since he was eating and living at Shen Ci’s expense, he felt rather embarrassed. So, in a daze, he was pressed down beside a table and handed a ballpoint pen.

It was a comprehensive science diagnostic test. Xie Yu vaguely started writing. The test was seven or eight pages long, but Xie Yu understood less than one page. He scribbled through it, and just as he was about to put it away, Shen Ci took the test papers from him.

Shen Ci began grading.

He sat in the chair, his silver-rimmed glasses reflecting a warm white light under the desk lamp. Even his grip on the pen was elegant and beautiful. Xie Yu thought of his “dog-shit” exam papers and subtly curled his fingers.

— Shen Ci would probably think he was an uneducated piece of trash.

It was strange. His teachers and classmates all thought he was uneducated trash, and Xie Yu himself claimed to be, but now, he suddenly felt a little sad.

But Shen Ci finished marking the test paper with his usual expression, making notes and marks, then looked up at Xie Yu: “Are you tired?”

Xie Yu: “…What?”

Shen Ci: “Want to come over and listen to my explanation?”

Silence.

Shen Ci didn’t rush him and just sat there quietly. It was Xie Yu who couldn’t sit still and scooted over to a chair.

He had experienced so little kindness in his life that he couldn’t refuse when someone spoke a few gentle words to him.

Shen Ci held his pen and began to explain, his words flowing smoothly.

He spoke clearly, with a gentle tone, and his explanations were fluent, hitting the difficult points immediately and breaking down the knowledge layer by layer. Xie Yu hadn’t wanted to learn, but as he listened, he ended up absorbing most of it.

As the time passed midnight, Shen Ci capped his pen and nudged Xie Yu’s shoulder: “Go to bed. I’ll wake you up for breakfast tomorrow.”

In a completely unfamiliar bedroom, on a completely unfamiliar bed, Xie Yu thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but there was an exceptionally peaceful and gentle aura around Shen Ci. As soon as he touched the pillow, he fell into a deep sleep.

Over the next three hundred-plus days and nights, Xie Yu went to school, and Shen Ci went to work.

Their lives became more and more harmonious, more and more intimate.

Xie Yu didn’t know what his cousin did for a living, only that he was always immaculately dressed in a suit, entering and exiting tall buildings, clearly a busy elite professional. But every evening, Shen Ci would unfailingly return to help him with his homework, breaking down and explaining each problem. He even turned down phone call invitations, as if helping Xie Yu with his homework was the most important thing, 365 days a year, without fail.

Occasionally on weekends, they would play games together. Shen Ci was an excellent cook, especially skilled at radish and pork rib soup. Every time he wore an apron and cooked in the kitchen, with the rising steam blurring his refined features and the aroma of ribs filling the living room, Xie Yu felt an urge to rush over and hug him. He had a vague illusion, as if Shen Ci was his family, and they had already spent many years like this, peacefully and warmly.

…Family?

Could a distant cousin be considered family?

Xie Yu felt a bit lost.

His bipolar disorder hadn’t flared up since he came to this house. His grades got better and better, climbing from the bottom of the class to the top ranks of his year, an astonishing rate of improvement. He quit gaming, he quit riding motorcycles, and he sat from morning till night like an ascetic. Even his teachers were amazed by his perseverance and even asked him to share his secrets of self-discipline with the class.

Xie Yu shook his head and refused.

It was embarrassing to admit, but a large part of why Xie Yu suddenly got serious about studying was the beautiful smile on Shen Ci’s face every time he showed him a progress report to sign.

He was genuinely happy for Xie Yu’s progress.

Xie Yu didn’t want to disappoint the only person in the world who was kind to him.

Days passed, and soon it was time for the college entrance exam. Shen Ci didn’t go to work that day and specifically accompanied Xie Yu, waiting at the entrance like other parents to pick him up. As soon as Xie Yu stepped out of the examination hall, he could walk side by side with him.

Xie Yu had changed a lot that year. He had cut his overgrown hair, his clothes were chosen by Shen Ci, so his taste was impeccable, and his cheeks had filled out, giving him a spirited, youthful appearance.

Shen Ci spotted Xie Yu in the crowd immediately; he was tall and striking. He pushed through the crowd to reach his side, asking solicitous questions like other parents, and then asked, “What do you want to eat tonight?”

Xie Yu tilted his head, thought for a moment, and said, “Anything’s fine.”

Anything’s fine; as long as he was eating with Shen Ci, he wasn’t picky.

Despite his words, Shen Ci still cooked a lot. He uncharacteristically opened two bottles of red wine and lightly clinked glasses with Xie Yu as a celebration.

Xie Yu hadn’t slept well during the two days of the exam. After this meal and the wine, he collapsed into bed and fell asleep. Halfway through the night, he vaguely started to dream. In the dream, Shen Ci leaned into his embrace, his refined and handsome eyes holding a spring-like tenderness. They pressed close, hugged, and finally kissed, shirt buttons unfastened, bedding slipping to the floor.

…

It was then that he suddenly understood what the stirring in his heart was every time he stood side by side with Shen Ci.

He liked this person, the only one who was kind to him. He wanted to be intimate with him, skin against skin.

Xie Yu woke up and lay stunned for a long time, then suddenly raised his hand and slapped himself.

He didn’t hold back, and a red mark instantly appeared. Xie Yu went to the sink to splash cold water on his face, looked up at his disheveled reflection in the mirror, and suddenly let out a sarcastic laugh.

He thought self-deprecatingly, “I really am not a good person.”

Shen Ci was his cousin. Out of familial care, he gave him food and shelter and looked after his studies, but the cousin he raised was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, coveting what he shouldn’t.

Shen Ci really shouldn’t have been so good to him.

He silently washed up, then stuffed the messy sheets into the washing machine under the cover of night. The machine’s starting hum was jarringly loud in the darkness, and Xie Yu stood by the washing machine, praying that Shen Ci would sleep more soundly so that he could bury his gloomy thoughts deep inside, never to be exposed.

But behind him, someone turned on the light.

Pure white light instantly spilled forth, darkness receded and vanished, and everything was laid bare.

Shen Ci stood in the corner of the living room, dressed only in pajamas, looking surprised: “It’s so late. Why aren’t you asleep?”

Xie Yu rigidly blocked the washing machine, lowering his gaze: “I can’t fall asleep.”

Shen Ci’s face showed concern. He walked forward and touched Xie Yu’s forehead: “Are you nervous about the exam? It’s normal to be nervous after the college entrance exam.”

Xie Yu didn’t speak. Shen Ci hesitated for a moment, then still asked, “It’s late. If you really can’t sleep, why don’t… why don’t you sleep with me?”

Xie Yu closed his eyes, wanting to laugh even more.

He wondered what Shen Ci was thinking. He was a high school graduate, not an elementary school student. Did he still need his mom to coax him to sleep? Or was his distant cousin really treating him like his own child?

And did Shen Ci know what dirty thoughts this “child” harbored towards him?

And if he knew, what would he do? Would he panic, would he avoid him like the plague, or would he… feel disgusted?

Shen Ci was clearly oblivious to Xie Yu’s hidden thoughts. He even reached out and took Xie Yu’s wrist, trying to lead him into the room: “Come on, I’ll talk to you. Everyone goes through the college entrance exam like this; don’t be nervous.”

It was like inviting a wolf into the house.

Xie Yu felt an inexplicable surge of anger. He violently shook off Shen Ci’s hand with surprising force: “No!”

Shen Ci turned back in surprise.

Since they started living together, Xie Yu hadn’t spoken in that tone for a long time.

The astonishment in his eyes clearly hurt Xie Yu. Xie Yu suddenly gave a bitter smile: “Shen Ci, do you really treat me like a child?”

Shen Ci blinked, hesitantly saying, “…No, not really?” — How could he treat Xie Yu like a child? Every sleepless night, he yearned for the warmth of an embrace, to the point of near madness.

It was just that Xie Yu hadn’t graduated from high school yet, and he was afraid that saying something too soon would seem manipulative and scare him away.

Who knew that Xie Yu’s expression grew even more self-deprecating? He took a step forward, enveloping Shen Ci in his thick shadow, almost demanding, “Knowing I’m not a child, how dare you invite me to sleep with you?”

Shen Ci: “…”

— Why wouldn’t he dare?

But Xie Yu’s expression was truly awful, so Shen Ci didn’t ask anything. He just changed the subject, good-naturedly saying, “Are you not feeling well? Do you want something to eat?”

Xie Yu was under too much stress from the exam, and now he couldn’t kiss or hug him for comfort. The only method Shen Ci could think of was to feed him.

— But this demeanor made him seem even more like a parent worried about their child’s mental state.

Xie Yu shut his eyes tightly.

He watched Shen Ci turn around, actually intending to put on an apron and steam some pastries. A sense of absurdity, helplessness, and pain suddenly washed over him, burning his insides with a dull ache.

Long-term loneliness made Xie Yu unaccustomed to interacting with people. He hadn’t received any special affection from his father, so he always had low expectations. He didn’t expect others to be especially good to him. Now that Shen Ci was good to him, he couldn’t believe this kindness would last forever. Before, he could barely pretend, but that filthy dream suddenly made him realize he couldn’t pretend to be a docile cousin anymore.

Everything before his eyes seemed like a mirage. The day the bubble burst would be the day he lost everything.

And Xie Yu was suffering greatly in the process.

He couldn’t wait any longer. He desperately needed an answer, and so he suddenly had an impulse to expose all these unbearable, unspeakable impurities, to lay them bare right under Shen Ci’s nose, pointing and questioning him—”Look, the child you raised, this is what’s in his bones. Are you still going to be so good to him?”

“If you saw his inner self, would you still be willing to be so good to him?”

He suddenly reached out, grabbed Shen Ci’s wrist, and in Shen Ci’s surprised gaze, cupped the back of his head and suddenly kissed him.

It was a fleeting touch.

That brief, light kiss drained Xie Yu’s courage. He stepped back two paces, waved his hand with difficulty, and gave a bitter smile: “Now, do you still want to invite me?”

Shen Ci was stunned for a full two seconds.

Finally, under Xie Yu’s deadly still gaze, he raised a hand and placed his fingers on his lips, where there was still a trace of moisture, a glistening wetness.

“Oh my god.” Shen Ci hesitated for a moment, then spoke honestly.

“Xie Yu, your kissing technique… is still as terrible as before.”