Xia Xinghe was like a stubborn, foolish moth, and Bai Qingzhou the solitary flame. Even if his wings were burned and his body nearly reduced to ash, as long as there was a flicker of light, Xia Xinghe couldn’t tear his eyes away.
He was simply born to be drawn to him—unable to escape.
Xia Xinghe knew just how cold Bai Qingzhou could be. He had spent so long trying to warm him and failed. After everything that had happened, Xia Xinghe no longer expected his own passion to be returned. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to be close to him—even for a moment.
The mood between them was unexpectedly good. Xia Xinghe’s heart raced. He lowered his eyes and mumbled softly, “Anyway… thank you.”
Thank you for making my heart flutter again—even if you don’t like me.
His eyes drooped slightly, a few strands of soft, pale golden hair floated above his forehead, catching the sunlight and glimmering faintly.
His gentle voice tapped lightly at Bai Qingzhou’s heart like a kitten’s paw—ticklish and soft.
Bai Qingzhou’s expression also softened. He said lightly, “No need to serve me, I’ll do it myself.” Then, with his long fingers, he picked up some food—with his own chopsticks—and placed it into Xia Xinghe’s bowl.
Pork ribs, chicken wings, brown sugar mochi.
The sauce-covered food was neatly arranged in his bowl.
He used his own chopsticks to serve Xia Xinghe food?
The shared chopsticks were still untouched on the table. Xia Xinghe was a little stunned.
He knew Bai Qingzhou had a cleanliness obsession.
Back when he first started bringing Bai Qingzhou meals, he hadn’t known, and once accidentally used his own chopsticks to give him food. Bai Qingzhou didn’t touch a single bite of that meal. After that, Xia Xinghe was careful never to do it again—not even after they moved in together. There were always public chopsticks on their table.
Xia Xinghe had occasionally wondered if it really mattered. After all, they kissed, they slept together—what was one pair of chopsticks? But since Bai Qingzhou never brought it up, Xia Xinghe never dared change it himself.
He never expected, after all those years apart and meeting again post-breakup, to experience this moment.
Maybe this was a different kind of “the more things change, the more they stay the same”?
“Why aren’t you eating?”
Xia Xinghe was staring at his bowl when Bai Qingzhou frowned slightly, seemingly displeased.
“Oh—right.”
Xia Xinghe quickly snapped out of it and put a piece of rib into his mouth. Only then did Bai Qingzhou start eating too, his expression returning to calm.
A moment later, he said casually, “The food’s not bad.”
Whether it was Bai Qingzhou’s uncharacteristic behavior or the surge of feelings Xia Xinghe had been suppressing, in this moment, Bai Qingzhou made him feel completely defenseless.
He stared at Bai Qingzhou in a daze, unable to look away.
Bai Qingzhou’s long, narrow eyes were so beautiful.
His tall nose—so beautiful.
His elegant hands—so beautiful.
He looked beautiful whether smiling or frowning. Every movement and expression tugged at Xia Xinghe’s heart.
It was like being drunk—Xia Xinghe’s heart beat unevenly, his whole body dizzy, as if he were floating on a cloud.
He gave a small smile, almost shy, and quickly said, “As long as you like it.” Then lowered his head and scooped a few more bites into his mouth.
The ribs melted in his mouth, the chicken wings were rich with garlic flavor, the brown sugar mochi sweet and lingering on his tongue. The rich flavors filled his mouth.
The lunch ended in a warm, hazy blur. Bai Qingzhou took the initiative to wash the dishes, while Xia Xinghe curled up on the sofa to play with Bamboo.
The soft fur brushed past his fingertips. Bai Qingzhou had left the room—his presence, his breath no longer near. Only then did Xia Xinghe slowly sober up.
Just this once, Xia Xinghe thought. I can’t let myself indulge again.
…..
It was January. The weather was still cold.
After deep winter comes spring. The solar New Year had already passed, and before he knew it, Lunar New Year was around the corner.
The lunar calendar was about a month behind the Gregorian one, but regardless of how long it dragged on, the year was still drawing to a close.
Xia Xinghe wasn’t from Liaohu. His hometown was Liu’an City, a small northern town a thousand kilometers away. Riding an electric scooter, you could travel from the southern end of the city to the northern in no time. The people there were simple and a little rough around the edges.
His parents wanted him to work in a big city. Xia Xinghe also wanted to broaden his horizons, so in a burst of courage, he picked Liaohu for university—and stayed after graduation.
Liaohu had everything—a top-tier city with great infrastructure, convenient transport, and countless happy memories for Xia Xinghe. He really liked it here. But during Lunar New Year, there was always one unavoidable problem.
Liaohu had a huge population, and more than half were non-locals. Every year at New Year’s, there was a massive wave of people returning to their hometowns from Liaohu. The railway authorities would add as many trains as they could, but it still wasn’t enough.
It was too hard to get a ticket home.
Sitting at his computer, Xia Xinghe sighed for the umpteenth time.
In past years, he’d always gone home a bit early to avoid the rush. But this year, he’d been updating his web novel longer than usual and didn’t want to break his momentum. He thought he’d finish the updates and then head home—only to find the tickets had sold out by the time he was done. He was now forced to join the miserable crowd of people scrambling for leftovers.
His mom called and asked when he’d be coming back. Xia Xinghe sounded helpless. “Mom, it’s not that I don’t want to come back—it’s just that the situation won’t let me.”
“Well,” his mom said, “You’re the one who chose to stay so far away in Liaohu—it’s not easy for you to come back even once.”
She added, “It’s okay. Your dad and I will make something delicious and wait for you to come home.”
The gentle words fell into Xia Xinghe’s ears, sending ripples through his heart.
His mother’s tone was so soft that a single sentence stirred up his deepest longing for “home.”
Back then, Xia Xinghe stayed in Liaohu because he was young, restless, and eager to escape his current life in pursuit of a big city dream. But now, with age, maturity, and after countless stumbles and wounds, he had begun to miss the taste of home.
Liaohu was great—truly great. A city that never sleeps, prosperous and bustling, with a quality of life far superior to smaller towns. But over here, he was always alone—no family, no partner. Over time, the loneliness was undeniable, especially recently when he couldn’t sell his publishing rights and was mocked by the person in charge. At that moment, he didn’t even have anyone to talk to, making the sense of isolation and grievance all the more intense.
After chatting a bit more with his mother, Xia Xinghe sighed. When he hung up, a vague thought of moving back home sprouted in his heart, but it flickered and passed quickly.
Big cities and small towns each have their pros and cons—it’s not something you can decide on a whim. A few years ago, when he had just graduated, Xia Xinghe was determined to stay here. He took out a loan to buy an apartment, registered his residence, and had all his social and medical insurance tied to this city. He had gotten used to the lifestyle and social environment here. It wasn’t something he could just walk away from.
At least for now, the top priority was to get a train ticket home.
Xia Xinghe lay in bed to rest for a bit, then suddenly sat up to continue the fierce battle of snagging a ticket.
Finally, after days of effort, he managed to secure a high-speed train ticket for the 29th of the Lunar New Year.
With a week to go before the 29th, the festive atmosphere on the streets was growing stronger. Many shops had already put up spring couplets and hung lanterns. Joyful, celebratory music played everywhere. Xia Xinghe took advantage of a promotional sale to stock up on frozen food and, while checking his phone, received a message from Yan Cai.
[Yan Cai Isn’t Pickled Veggies]: Are you still in Liaohu?
[Yan Cai Isn’t Pickled Veggies]: I’m back! Let’s get the gang together soon?
Yan Cai was a native of Liaohu but didn’t enjoy the fast pace of big-city life. After graduating, he moved to a small water town in Jiangnan and only returned once a year.
The other friends were in similar situations. After graduation, everyone had their own work to handle. Opportunities to meet were rare, so a reunion was a precious thing. Naturally, Xia Xinghe was all in.
[Little Bamboo]: Of course!
[Yan Cai Isn’t Pickled Veggies]: Don’t forget, you still owe me a meal.
[Little Bamboo]: …
[Little Bamboo]: Don’t worry. I remember.
They set the reunion for two days later.
Several old university classmates met up in a private dining room, and the atmosphere was especially lively.
The roommate who had been called “Little Fatty” throughout their four years of college was now as skinny as a bamboo stick. Their dorm leader, who never dated during college, had gotten married first—and already had a two- or three-year-old child. Yan Cai had gotten so tanned over the past year he was barely recognizable at first glance.
As soon as they entered the room, Yan Cai threw his arm around Xia Xinghe’s shoulders and teased with a grin, “Look at you, leveling up—dyed your hair blonde now? Fancy, huh!”
Little Fatty chimed in immediately, “What? It suits our Xiao Xia! Could you even pull off this look?”
The dorm leader added, “Yan Cai’s not bad either—got himself a tan.”
The teasing back and forth had Xia Xinghe laughing nonstop.
These roommates had always been kind to him. Xia Xinghe started school early and was the youngest in their dorm, so he had been looked after by them a lot back then. Seeing them again now felt extra warm and familiar.
Xia Xinghe smiled and greeted each of them in turn. “Long time no see.”
“Long time no see.”
“Whoa, Xinghe even got taller! Not bad, not bad.”
Everyone had gone their separate ways after college, but the warmth remained. The shared memories lived on in their hearts—always nostalgic whenever recalled.
Among old friends, there was no need for formalities. They sat around the table eating and chatting, and soon, someone brought out alcohol. Yan Cai banged on the table and ordered a dozen beers. That wasn’t enough, so he went downstairs to grab a bottle of baijiu (strong Chinese liquor).
“Come on, brothers—it’s been forever since we all got together. Tonight we don’t go home until we’re drunk!”
“Yeah! No going home sober!”
Xia Xinghe wasn’t a strong drinker and rarely drank, but he couldn’t resist the enthusiasm of his friends. One cup after another, he ended up drinking quite a bit without realizing it.
A burning heat rose quickly, and his cheeks flushed. The others weren’t doing much better—slouching in their chairs, slurring their words.
Little Fatty raised his glass and mumbled to the dorm leader, “Dogzi, that’s not cool of you—we were all single, and you’re the one who got married and had a kid!”
The dorm leader, tipsy himself, shot him a look. “Then you all better step up!”
“You’re the one who needs to reflect, Little Fatty. Didn’t you say you liked that girl from the neighboring department in freshman year? Did you ever confess?”
“And you, Yan Cai! Didn’t a bunch of girls pursue you in school? Why have you still never dated anyone?”
“At least our Xiao Xia is dependable—steady guy, steady relationship, and a boyfriend with a promising future!”
These roommates were all genuinely good people. They’d known for a long time that Xia Xinghe liked men, but none of them had any prejudice. In fact, knowing how tough it could be, they used to help him and his boyfriend back then meet up, even going out of their way to create opportunities for the two of them. They’d put in real effort for their relationship.
The breakup had come suddenly. Xia Xinghe didn’t know how to bring it up at the time, thinking he’d wait for a better moment. But one delay led to another, and before he knew it, graduation had come and gone.
The topic finally came up at a farewell party, but everyone was drunk and thought Xia Xinghe was joking. No one took it seriously, so to this day, they all still thought the two of them were together.
Back in college, no one dared to tease him about it. But now, with alcohol in their systems, all filters were gone. The dorm leader took another swig and laughed, “Yeah, wasn’t he from our school too? He should come join us for the reunion!”
Little Fatty added, “He has to come—we’ll get him drunk! He stole our Xiao Xia away! You don’t know how many girls secretly cried over it!”
“First thing when he gets here, he has to chug a bottle of beer!”
“And three shots of baijiu as punishment too!”
In just a few sentences, the group had already “arranged” everything for Bai Qingzhou. Xia Xinghe sighed helplessly, “He doesn’t like gatherings. He won’t come.”
“How could he not?” the dorm leader said. “Back then, you said he didn’t like eating with others, but didn’t he end up eating with you?”
“And you also said he didn’t like co-living arrangements, yet didn’t you two end up renting a place together?”
There was no reasoning with drunk people. Helpless under their badgering, Xia Xinghe sent Bai Qingzhou a message:
[Little Bamboo]: We’re having a college reunion. Do you want to come?
Bai Qingzhou didn’t reply.
Xia Xinghe let out a soft sigh. He couldn’t tell if he felt disappointed or relieved.
Bai Qingzhou had never liked his friends. Not only was he unwilling to spend time with them, but whenever Xia Xinghe brought him along to gatherings, he always wore a look of displeasure. In turn, Xia Xinghe stopped introducing him to people, as if their relationship was something to be kept in the dark.
He held up the chat interface for everyone to see and said, “See? I told you he wouldn’t—”
Before he could finish, his phone was snatched away.
The dorm leader held down the call button and shouted loudly, “Senior, that’s not cool! We’ve got Xiao Xia with us!”
Little Fatty leaned in and yelled into the receiver, “Exactly! If you don’t show up, we won’t let you be with him anymore!”
“…Knock it off!”
Xia Xinghe’s face flushed with heat. Worried they’d say something even more outrageous, he hurried to snatch back the phone—only to suddenly notice something off about the screen.
…Crap. The dorm leader hadn’t sent a voice message. He’d made a voice call.
The call timer ticked on in plain sight, second by second. Xia Xinghe’s face burned. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole.
“Hello? Are you listening? I’m sorry…”
He moved his lips, trying to say something to salvage the situation. But before he could finish a sentence, a familiar, cool voice came through the earpiece—clear even through the slight static of the connection.
“Send me the address.”