Bai Qingzhou spoke too quickly, too quietly, too vaguely. His low voice passed like a fleeting shadow—so fleeting that Xia Xinghe wasn’t sure if he’d heard right.
His mind buzzed, heart racing. Xia Xinghe thought he must’ve misheard and asked, “What did you say?”
Bai Qingzhou’s Adam’s apple bobbed, but he didn’t repeat himself.
He didn’t know whether Xia Xinghe hadn’t actually heard him, or simply didn’t want to respond. Once that initial impulse passed, his innate pride and stubbornness resurfaced.
In Bai Qingzhou’s perception, he had already lowered himself enough—barking like a dog for him, taking the initiative to do many things. His pride wouldn’t allow him to bow his head again and again, so he simply fell silent and said nothing more.
The melancholic love song playing outside the car soon ended and turned into an upbeat Phoenix Legend track. The bright drumbeats thudded in time with the heart, yet the atmosphere inside the car was unusually quiet.
The car door was still locked. Just sitting there wasn’t a solution either. Xia Xinghe’s fingers reached for the car door again, and Bai Qingzhou furrowed his brow tightly before finally speaking.
“Xia Xinghe,” he asked, “why did you break up with me back then?”
Bai Qingzhou couldn’t bring himself to fully humble himself, nor was he willing to just let Xia Xinghe leave like this. After a mental struggle, he asked this question as a sort of compromise.
Even now, he still didn’t think he was the one at fault back then. Yan Can had said Xia Xinghe cried because of him, but he truly couldn’t think of any reason that could make Xia Xinghe go from happily having lunch with friends and posting on social media in the afternoon, to so decisively breaking up with him that night—without even a hint of reluctance.
Xia Xinghe was slightly stunned. “Why are you suddenly asking this?”
Bai Qingzhou pressed his lips together, not replying. After a moment of silence, Xia Xinghe smiled faintly and said, “Actually, it’s nothing much.”
That memory from back then was too deep, too painful. It was once the part of his past he least wanted to revisit. But time is a strange thing—pain dulls with age, and slowly, the past becomes easier to bring up, easier to talk about.
The scar was still there, but it no longer stung and ached as much. Maybe it was just that they were too immature back then—too young, too proud, too full of themselves.
His heart still felt sour, like it had been soaked in lemon water, but Xia Xinghe now had the courage to look Bai Qingzhou in the eyes.
He smiled and said, “The day I broke up with you back then… I came out to my parents.”
Xia Xinghe had truly imagined being with Bai Qingzhou forever.
Bai Qingzhou had come out early on. Xia Xinghe, however, was experiencing love for the first time and hadn’t told his parents about his sexuality.
His parents were both teachers, and he was their only child. They loved him deeply, gave him everything—but they also held on to older generation values: conservative, cautious, unlikely to accept homosexuality.
Xia Xinghe didn’t want his family to become an obstacle between them. He had planned for a long time, and finally, on that day—with the encouragement of friends—he came out to his parents.
Their reaction was intense, more than he had expected. He had hinted at it before, but when he truly said he liked someone of the same sex, things quickly spun out of control.
His father, furious, told him never to come back if he had the guts. His mother tried to mediate but repeatedly asked if he was joking.
Xia Xinghe said no, he was serious. His father immediately tried to book a ticket to come and beat him. Worried for their health, Xia Xinghe softened slightly and didn’t tell them he already had a boyfriend.
That day, he talked with his parents for a long time—almost the whole night. From initial rage to later disappointment, they discussed so many things.
They talked about society’s judgment, workplace discrimination, and… his parents’ most earnest hopes for him.
Qiu Guiyue, his mother said: “Your dad and I don’t expect you to be rich and powerful. We just want you to work like a normal person, get married, have children, and enjoy family happiness.”
She also said: “Other people’s opinions are secondary. But if you really end up with someone of the same sex, you can’t get married, have no legal security, and no children to tie you together. When you’re old, who’s going to take care of you?”
She asked Xia Xinghe, “Have you ever thought about how long a relationship based on nothing but passion can actually last?”
At the time, Qiu Guiyue didn’t know he was already in a relationship—but that one sentence hit Xia Xinghe right in the heart.
Bai Qingzhou was too cold, too dull, too lofty. He often made Xia Xinghe feel like he wasn’t really loved.
Xia Xinghe, like always, tried to convince himself that Bai Qingzhou just didn’t know how to express affection, tried to recall their sweet moments. But then Bai Qingzhou suddenly posted something on his social feed that sent him straight to rock bottom.
It was an acceptance letter from a university abroad.
Bai Qingzhou was going abroad for his PhD.
And he hadn’t told Xia Xinghe in advance.
Xia Xinghe suddenly realized that Bai Qingzhou had never really shared his plans or dreams with him. It felt like there was no place for him in Bai Qingzhou’s future.
Disappointment often strikes in a single moment. Xia Xinghe still loved Bai Qingzhou, but he no longer had the courage to keep going.
There was no deep hatred between them, no resentment, no dramatic soap opera twists—just a love that gradually faded with time. Under the weight of accumulated exhaustion, that one simple message became the final straw.
His fingers trembled, his lips trembled, even his heart trembled.
Maybe it was impulsive, maybe it had been building for a long time. Maybe it was an accident, or maybe it was inevitable. Xia Xinghe closed his eyes and, exhausted, sent Bai Qingzhou one final message.
[Little Bamboo: Let’s break up.]
…
…
Xia Xinghe’s story ended. Bai Qingzhou was silent for a long time, not saying a word. He wanted to explain—to say things weren’t as Xia Xinghe thought, to say he did care—but when the words reached his lips, nothing came out.
He truly didn’t know such a story had happened. He couldn’t even imagine what kind of emotions Xia Xinghe had when he broke up with him—decisive, aggrieved, or just disappointed.
Emotionally blunt and slow as he was, for the first time he understood what it meant to be cut slowly with a dull knife—the stifling pain spreading through his chest.
The car fell silent again. Outside, the songs from the small store had changed several times without them noticing. Bai Qingzhou was still battling himself, tongue-tied. After a long wait, it was Xia Xinghe who finally spoke first.
“It’s okay. It’s all in the past. I don’t care anymore.”
Xia Xinghe sighed lightly and said, “Unlock the door. It’s late. I should go home.”
It’s over?
He doesn’t care anymore?
So Bai Qingzhou just sat there in the driver’s seat, dazed, silently watching Xia Xinghe get out of the car, enter the yard, and go upstairs. He watched until the motion-sensor light in the stairwell went out. After a long time, he suddenly remembered something and began searching through his contacts. In the end, he called Nie Xingchao.
…..
Early Morning.
A small bar next to the Central Hospital.
After listening to Bai Qingzhou’s story, Nie Xingchao was in a daze for a while. He had always felt their relationship was a bit odd but had never imagined they’d actually had a thing in the past.
“What—no, you two are way, way, way too…”
Nie Xingchao searched for the right words for a long time but ultimately blurted out, “Too much, okay?!”
“Too what?”
“…Like even more twisty than a prime-time soap opera.”
Nie Xingchao couldn’t quite describe his feelings. He asked in disbelief, “You two didn’t have any deep grudges or anything—so after that, you really never spoke again? Not even once?”
Bai Qingzhou: “…No.”
He had actually tried to contact Xia Xinghe once, only to find that he’d been blocked. His pride took a hit, and he felt too humiliated to lower himself again and reach out.
Nie Xingchao was exasperated: “Then what’s your mouth for? Just for eating and breathing?”
“…”
Bai Qingzhou refused to answer that, remaining silent.
Nie Xingchao had raised his voice a bit, and a few people nearby turned to look. Embarrassed, he gave them a polite smile, then calmed down a bit as he turned back to Bai Qingzhou.
“…Alright,” he sighed, then asked, “So were you really planning to go abroad alone for your PhD? Long-distance relationships fall apart so easily. You never thought about that?”
“I did,” Bai Qingzhou replied. “I already had a plan.”
He had specifically applied to a university that allowed accompanying students. Under his guidance, Xia Xinghe had studied English and completed most of his credits. Bai Qingzhou planned to go over first, get everything settled, and then bring Xia Xinghe along as an exchange student. He’d even found a place to live.
But that day never came.
After Bai Qingzhou finished explaining, Nie Xingchao fell silent again. After a long while, he asked, baffled, “But you had it all planned out. Why didn’t you just tell him?”
Bai Qingzhou said, “I didn’t want to seem too eager.”
Nie Xingchao: “…”
Didn’t want to be too eager? Well, great—now your guy’s about to slip away for good!
Nie Xingchao was finally beginning to understand just how cold Bai Qingzhou could be. Still, since Bai Qingzhou had come to him for help, he couldn’t just ignore him. He took a deep breath and asked, “So what are you thinking now? Do you still like him? Want to pursue him?”
Bai Qingzhou paused, then softly responded, “Mm.”
Nie Xingchao frowned. “It’s either yes or no. What does ‘mm’ mean?”
“…”
Bai Qingzhou frowned deeply and, after looking at him for a long time, finally said in a low voice, “…Yes.”
Nie Xingchao asked, “Yes to what?”
Bai Qingzhou gritted his teeth. “…I want to pursue him.”
“Now that’s more like it! If you love someone, you have to say it!”
Nie Xingchao nodded with satisfaction and then, acting mysterious, stuck one finger in front of Bai Qingzhou’s face. “Coming to me was the right move. I’m known as the love guru—over thirty years of solid experience, there’s no target I can’t help you win over…”
Bai Qingzhou: “Get to the point.”
“Ahem.” Nie Xingchao cleared his throat, borrowed some paper and a pen from the bar, and started sketching on the table. “So, your situation is a little complicated. We’ll need to play the long game. Nice and subtle, like gentle spring rain—”
“Wait,”
Bai Qingzhou frowned slightly and interrupted him. “It might not be that subtle.”
Nie Xingchao asked, “Why?”
Bai Qingzhou said, “He’s going back to Liu’an next month.”
“…Shit!”
Nie Xingchao couldn’t help cursing. “Why are you only thinking of pursuing him now? Where the hell have you been all this time?”
“Before… I…” Bai Qingzhou trailed off, unable to answer. Then he abruptly shifted the blame. “Didn’t you say you were experienced? Afraid of this now?”
“Oh, I am experienced,” Nie Xingchao replied. “I have extensive single experience.”
He’d never been in a relationship in over thirty years—basically single since birth.
Bai Qingzhou: “…”
Is this guy even reliable?