When Peng Xingwang first managed to play “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” the two sole audience members at home gave him enthusiastic applause.
“Great! Truly great!” Jiang Wang praised him emphatically. “You played it with perfect tone and rhythm. Better than your handwriting!”
Peng Xingwang vaguely felt like that wasn’t entirely a compliment, but he confidently raised his bow in acknowledgment and went back to finishing the homework assigned by his teacher.
This kid was different from other children—exceptionally hardworking and patient.
Jiang Wang thought about it carefully and figured it had a lot to do with his past family environment.
Back when Peng Xingwang’s father, Peng Jiahui, was still a drunkard, his temper was harsh and direct. If the child asked him too many questions, he would lose his patience. At best, he’d yell; at worst, he’d hit him on the head.
Back then, his mother had already left. The boy didn’t even know how to wash his clothes. One time, he accidentally used too much detergent and couldn’t rinse away the bubbles no matter how much water he used. He was too scared to ask his father for help and ended up running to Yang Kai’s house in tears.
Yang Kai sneaked back with him, carried the whole tub of clothes to his own home, and ran them through the washing machine three times before the ordeal was finally over.
This shared memory between Jiang Wang and Peng Xingwang was like a smooth, silent pebble embedded in their personalities — quiet yet resilient.
A road paved with countless such pebbles eventually leads far into the distance.
The road was long, and walking barefoot on it could hurt a little.
Peng Xingwang no longer obsessed over tedious household chores. His attention was now focused on Olympiad math problems and violin practice. The teacher required 60 minutes of daily practice, and he stuck to it strictly, running off to practice on time and putting everything away afterward to start on his homework. He was so well-behaved it was almost unbelievable.
And yet, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” was practiced for four days straight—until Jiang Wang’s head felt like it might explode.
It wasn’t that he had anything against the kid. Anyone forced to listen to an infinite loop of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” would lose their mind.
“Can’t you play something else?” Jiang Wang tried to sound pleasant, not wanting to scare the boy.
The child frowned in frustration. “I haven’t perfected this one yet. The teacher told me to practice it more.”
“And besides… I don’t know any other songs yet.”
Ji Linqiu intervened just in time, dragging Jiang Wang out of the house after dinner every day to stroll aimlessly through the streets for an hour before letting him come back to watch TV.
Jiang Wang, who had gained a bit of weight, was forcibly walked slim again. While watching the elderly couples strolling along the streets, he couldn’t help but wonder aloud, “Why is this kid so fixated on playing the violin?”
Ji Linqiu casually redirected the topic. “Having a hobby is a good thing. It’s tough to listen to at first, but after a year or two, it’ll get better.”
“No, I mean, why did he suddenly want to learn the violin?” Jiang Wang looked into his eyes and instantly understood something. “You know, don’t you?”
Leaning against the iron railings of a small European-style garden, Ji Linqiu crossed his arms and smirked. “Do you want to know?”
Jiang Wang thought about it. “Did the school show some movie featuring violins?”
“Or does someone in his class play, so he’s following their lead?”
Ji Linqiu smiled brightly. “Bark once, and I’ll tell you.”
Jiang Wang: ?
Although his pride protested, his curiosity won out.
“…Woof.”
Ji Linqiu burst out laughing. “There’s a girl in his class who plays piano. He wants to perform with her at the New Year’s party.”
“And even if they can’t perform together, he said that just showing off by himself would make everyone think they’re a perfect match.”
Jiang Wang stroked his chin, thinking his younger self was surprisingly romantic.
For the first time, he felt a sense of relief.
Logically, Jiang Wang always knew that the current Peng Xingwang was no longer the same person he had been.
A soul is shaped by thousands of fragmented memories, and it’s those experiences that outline a person’s true character.
From the moment they met, the anxious, flustered child had been rewritten by new experiences, gradually becoming more positive, cheerful, brave, and radiant.
The younger Jiang Wang and the younger Peng Xingwang were already fundamentally different individuals.
And in the future, no matter how much the two adults might resemble each other physically, they were destined to be two distinct people.
Although Jiang Wang had reasoned through this many times, he still harbored subtle concerns.
It wasn’t until he realized Peng Xingwang was now pursuing a girl he didn’t even know that he finally reacted.
Ji Linqiu noticed Jiang Wang’s moment of clarity and asked, “What are you thinking about?”
“The little piglet has grown up and is leaving the pen,” Jiang Wang said sincerely. “Let’s see whose cabbage this pig can get.”
After their walk, the two of them stopped by the entrance to the neighborhood to buy a couple of candied hawthorns.
Peng Xingwang, busy with his homework, came out holding a textbook when he saw them. “I’ve memorized it, Brother Linqiu! Please sign off for me!”
He handed over the book and immediately began reciting, his tone still bearing traces of a clumsy accent, but his speed was impressive.
Ji Linqiu listened with a smile, signing his name and the date next to the title of the passage.
When Peng Xingwang finished, Jiang Wang took the book, read the same passage aloud, and followed along.
Jiang Wang’s English pronunciation wasn’t entirely perfect, but his pacing was far better than the child’s, with intentional pauses and an even tone.
His deep voice carried a casual magnetism, making it almost impossible not to be drawn in.
Ji Linqiu, unable to comment openly in front of the child, couldn’t bring himself to walk away either. By the time Jiang Wang reached the latter part of the passage, his ears were tinged red.
When Jiang Wang finished reading, he turned to Ji Linqiu. “Did I pronounce it correctly?”
The latter was silent for a moment. “…Yes.”
‘Maybe I should arrange for a few private lessons later.’
Peng Xingwang took back the book happily. “I’m going to watch TV now!”
“Oh, right. I forgot to tell you something,” Jiang Wang called after him. “Your mom wrote a letter earlier. She wants to come spend the New Year with us.”
“She won’t bring your sister or that uncle. She will come alone to celebrate the New Year.”
Peng Xingwang froze, clutching his book, unsure of what to say.
“Is it because of me?” He forced a smile and said sensibly, “There’s no need. I’ll just spend the New Year with Dad. Mom doesn’t have to go out of her way.”
Jiang Wang hadn’t expected him to evade the idea. He thought the boy would happily agree. Shaking his head, he said, “It’s not what you think.”
“Your mom is recovering and needs some time apart from your sister to help her learn independence. This is a good chance for her to spend some time with us, even if it’s just for a month.”
“Don’t you want to see her?”
Peng Xingwang looked at Ji Linqiu with a pleading expression and, after a while, whispered, “I’m a bit scared.”
Ji Linqiu walked over and hugged him. “Is it because you haven’t seen your mom in a long time and you’re not used to it?”
The child nodded, then shook his head, burying his face in Ji Linqiu’s chest and falling silent.
Jiang Wang, his voice tinged with urgency, asked, “You don’t want to see your mom?”
Ji Linqiu gently patted the child’s back, signaling to Jiang Wang to hold off on the questions. He took the book and notebook from Peng Xingwang and led him back to his room, where they remained for quite some time.
Jiang Wang suddenly found it hard to understand his younger self. He couldn’t immediately ask Ji Linqiu why, so he went alone to the small garden to clear his head.
Whenever he felt suffocated, he always thought about smoking, but sometimes, even when his hand reached for the cigarette pack, he put it back. He had promised himself to quit and had stuck to it.
He really wanted to see Du Wenjuan.
This wasn’t about Peng Xingwang – it was his own feeling.
Before returning to Hong City, Jiang Wang had buried his ability to feel familial affection deep within an empty, desert-like state of mind.
Only when he saw Peng Jiahui and Du Wenjuan again, got to know them little by little, did it feel as if a person had dove into that desert-like place and found the switch for those feelings.
He really wanted to touch it again. To feel it once more.
He had always been afraid of the New Year.
Normally, the company was bustling, and hardly anyone’s family would come to visit.
But during the New Year, everyone suddenly had a place to go. They would eagerly discuss their family’s New Year’s Eve dinner and worry about which house to visit that evening.
Since he started working, Jiang Wang had been excluded from such conversations, and he couldn’t even remember if he had ever had a New Year’s Eve dinner as a child.
But now… now he finally had a chance. Peng Xingwang, why is he avoiding her?
Jiang Wang sat alone on a swing, swaying back and forth. Even the streetlights were off, and it felt as if he was submerged in the darkness like a floating algae.
He gazed at the distant streetlights flickering on and off, feeling the weight in his chest.
The fence creaked, and Ji Linqiu pushed the door open and walked over, sitting on the other swing.
“Miss your sister?”
Jiang Wang didn’t speak. After a long pause, he finally said, “I’m even more anxious than he is.”
“How childish.”
Ji Linqiu smiled briefly and, following Jiang Wang’s gaze, looked into the distance.
“Do you know, when we were in Hongcheng, many people envied you?”
“They thought you were very capable, good at business, and even used you as a topic of conversation during meals. They could talk about you for hours.”
Jiang Wang didn’t really want to hear such comparisons and was about to ask him to stop.
“But back then, I always thought you were very lonely.”
Jiang Wang froze, as if he hadn’t quite understood what Ji Linqiu had said.
“Could you… say that again?”
“I always felt like you were very lonely,” Ji Linqiu said, looking at him. “Like you were standing in the middle of a busy street. Everyone was coming and going, thinking about what to buy, what clothes to choose. When they got tired, they went home.”
“But you stood there in the middle of the street, not knowing what to buy, not knowing where to go.”
At that time, Ji Linqiu hadn’t started liking him yet.
It felt like encountering a kindred spirit. While everyone else envied and admired him, Ji Linqiu only felt how lonely he was.
“Talking about this probably sounds pretentious,” Ji Linqiu said with a self-deprecating smile. “Maybe I’m just overthinking it.”
“Anyway, Xingwang said he really wants to see his mom. He’s willing to spend the New Year with her.”
“He doesn’t even know what happened to him just now.”
Jiang Wang lingered on those few words, frowning as if trying to smile, but the smile never came.
“Is that how you see me?”
Ji Linqiu looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “Is that right?”
Jiang Wang got up from the swing and walked toward him. Like the child, he buried his face in Ji Linqiu’s shoulder, staying silent for a long while.
For a moment, his vulnerability was exposed, but it was gently placed by someone he trusted, ensuring it wasn’t hurt.
“Teacher Ji, just hold me a little longer.”
“I don’t even know why I’m sad.”
They fell into the night’s cool breeze, one standing, the other sitting, and neither spoke.
It felt like everything had been said. Everything was clear.
[dropdown title=”rant ahead, feel free to skip”]Maybe I’m overthinking it, or maybe I’m just oversensitive…
If I have to be honest… I reallllly hope the author doesn’t make it look like Peng Xingwang is straight (or at least, never discover his non-straight preferences) in this timeline because he has a happy childhood. Seeing how the author write Ji Linqiu’s sexuality, it might not be. But like… I don’t like what this chapter might be implying. It left a strange taste in my mouth.[/dropdown]
Same! I’m choosing to read it as Peng Xingwang is able to have a crush on someone and pursue it do to having a happier childhood. Cause if I read it otherwise I’LL start ranting
+1
Poor boy, don’t know what happening to him, but it’s very normal!
Thank You for the new chapter (≧ヮ≦) 💕
Is it right to imply that sexuality is shaped by one’s circumstances? It feels wrong (to TL), in theory, but I would say yes. Because we’re so eager to put ppl into boxes, gay, straight, bi, pan etc, we don’t think about ppl who don’t even think to consider their sexuality.
JW as a child was never in a position to mind his heart, as his life growing up was so wrought with trauma, and so he carried that into adulthood. Now, he’s more at peace. And he happened to find someone who touched his heart, who just happens to have a penis. That doesn’t mean that it couldn’t have happened with a woman, as he fell in love with the person, not their genitals.
So, imo, the TL is too stuck on labels, which is why they’re peeved about PXW’s sexuality.
Tldr: sexuality is fluid; it’s not that serious
In my understanding, sexuality is something you’re born with, and it cannot be changed. Otherwise, you wouldn’t see so many queer people bemoaning why couldn’t they be born straight so they wouldn’t be persecuted in their own country. I’m from Indonesia, a country that is VERY conservative, VERY religious, and VERY anti-LGBT+. Such sentiments is something I heard very often, and one of them is from a close family member. And as for “shaped by circumstances”, what is shaped is your discovery of your sexuality. If you live in a life where you are constantly told that you are straight, and you happen to fall for the opposite sex, would you ever found that you might love the same-sex? In some cases, you might! Maybe you fell for the same-sex, and your close friend/parents/strangers on the Internet helped you discover that fact. But, in many cases, you wouldn’t. You would’ve thought your attraction for the same-sex is just a “phase” or it’s just “platonic”, because everyone said so. Because, perhaps, your must trusted people (parents, teachers, etc) said so. For the flip case, it’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeery rare. Sure, it can happen (say, a girl thought she’s a lesbian but then fall for a guy, but it’s not common at all lol).
I do agree sexuality is fluid, and the sexuality itself that is fluid. But, each individual have their own preferences, and each have different level how far that preferences can stretch (this is how I can put it in English? I hope you can understand it)
now, more… heated rant answer: (sorry if it’s all over the place lol)
For example, if you force a lesbian woman to marry a man, she might have a content life sure (should her husband is a good man), especially since the society DEMANDS her marriage with a man. But, in a what-if scenario, would she be happier if she had discovered her sexuality and is able to marry another woman? I would say so.
In another example, what if I, as an aroace woman, is forced to marry a man? Would I be happy? I know the answer: FUCK NO. I’d rather die. It doesn’t matter how good-looking or how rich or how gentle that man is, I don’t want to be forced to live a life like that. In that case, would you say that I’m too stuck on labeling myself? That I should “open my mind” and “try to have a romantic partner” because “sexuality is fluid” and so I just /might/ fall in love with my husband?
Why is the sentiment of “[A] just /happen/ to fall in love with [B], a same-sex person. [B]’s genital doesn’t matter” is only given towards a queer person? Have you ever see someone asked a straight man if he would still love his wife if she was a man? (I know the answer: not only such question is very rarely asked, the much more common answer would be that the man would fall for another woman and marry that other woman instead).
What I’m miffed about:
– “if you have a happy life, you’ll be straight! Because that’s NORMAL! Just like everyone else!”
– “that boy is gay? Oh, it must be because his parents don’t raise him well. Oh, it must be because he got influenced by those disgusting gays. It’s okay, he can be fixed! He just haven’t meet the right girl yet!”
Those are especially prevalent in conservative societies, doubly so in a culture like China, where your ability to have a (male) child to “honor your family by continuing the family name” is paramount.
In JW’s case, from my reading, he’s bisexual. In his own past, he haven’t got the chance to fall in love with anyone; plus with the culture he’s in, he initially thought that he’s just like “everyone”. He’s straight. Then, he was touched by JLQ, and he fell in love with him, his gender doesn’t matter. Compared that to PXW, who has a happy childhood. He’s free to enjoy his life, and because of that, he got a crush at a very young age, and that crush /juuuuust/ happen to be a girl. In the latter case, since a boy fell for a girl, the society would never think of it as weird. It’s “normal”. It’s “supposed to happen”. Look, even JW and JLQ are glad PXW can be “like everyone else” because he wouldn’t have a hard life thanks to him dating another boy. On the flip side, JLQ is very firm on the fact that he’s gay. No matter rain or shine, in the past life or this one, he only fell for men. His sexuality is “rigid” in this specific case yeah? Not fluid “enough” to fall for a girl.
TL;DR: heteronormativity is real and it’s shit.