After respawning, Jiang Nan’an stared at his hero in the fountain for two seconds before opening the shop, buying items, and heading out.
Ars was gone from the minimap, but the scene of him posing over Jiang Nan’an’s corpse lingered in his mind.
Letting this guy have his fun.
Damn it.
For Jiang Nan’an, this game wasn’t going well-mainly because the difference between the two junglers was too big. Or, to put it another way: the enemy red-side jungler with the ID “S-Attribute Outburst!” was just too strong, always ganking mid and dancing on his corpse.
S was playing Ars, nicknamed “King of the Sea,” a couple-hero with Siren, which Jiang Nan’an had picked this game. This hero combo wasn’t common in solo queue because the mechanics were complex, the skills flashy and high-damage but squishy, making it hard to get ahead. You’d either pop off or feed. S’s Ars was clearly the former.
Not only were his mechanics flashy, but his tempo was strong, leading his teammates to push towers, take dragons, invade the jungle-anyone who crossed his path lost half their HP.
The game soon entered the base-defense phase. The outcome was basically set. Jiang Nan’an cleared the wave at the high ground tower, planning to head back and buy items before facing defeat, but as he walked back, S started bouncing in all-chat again.
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): Mid, come to blue, I’ll leash blue for you.
Jiang Nan’an raised an eyebrow.
What mid can’t even take their own blue buff?
A few seconds later.
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): I mean Siren, friend. If you want blue, take it from your own side.
[All] So Many Fish (Lina): ?
[All] So Many Fish (Lina): nb
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): Mr. Hang, hurry up! I’m in your jungle!
Oh.
It was him.
As the saying goes, even a sparrow won’t eat food thrown in contempt.
But clearly, Jiang Nan’an was no sparrow.
Maybe it was just curiosity to see how much more dramatic things could get, but on screen, the sea siren wiggled her tail and swam toward her own blue buff.
Maybe S had told his teammates something, because on the perilous path from base to jungle, Jiang Nan’an didn’t take a single hit. Near the blue buff, he not only saw the blue buff at sliver health, and Ars tanking hits while keeping its HP low, but also the corpse of his own team’s jungler, who’d somehow died at Ars’s feet.
Jiang Nan’an paused for a moment of silence for his fallen jungler.
This blue buff bore the blood and tears of too many people.
With tears in his eyes, Jiang Nan’an finished it off with a basic attack.
During this, Ars was still dancing beside the blue buff, maybe trying to encourage Jiang Nan’an with his seductive moves, cheering him on to take the blue.
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): How is it, Mr. Hang?
[All] Nice Weather, Go Hang Yourself (Siren): ?
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): How’s the blue buff I got for you?
[All] Nice Weather, Go Hang Yourself (Siren): Wow, what an amazing blue buff! As expected of one personally secured for me by God S-standing on it, I feel so powerful! This is nothing like any blue buff I’ve ever used before! I’m just so happy and excited!
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): Feels good!
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): If you take someone’s handout, you owe them.
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): Duo queue next game?
So you were waiting for this?
[All] Nice Weather, Go Hang Yourself (Siren): ?
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): It’s so rare for our two off-meta heroes to be paired up, how could I not seize the chance? Even though I took your points this game, you’ve gained a beautiful, guaranteed friendship-join my team today, and in the future, the whole Summoner’s Rift will be ours!
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): Come on, just say the word.
What’s with this pyramid-scheme-like slogan?
Jiang Nan’an didn’t really care about duo queue, but he was genuinely curious what would happen if he said yes.
And one should always be willing to try new things.
[All] Nice Weather, Go Hang Yourself (Siren): Sure.
Not half a second after that message, Ars, who had been idly standing across from Siren, suddenly dashed forward-so fast Jiang Nan’an couldn’t even react. In the blink of an eye, he was taken out in one combo, and King of the Sea Ars trampled over his siren wife’s corpse and the still-warm blue buff, jogging off into the darkness.
[All] Nice Weather, Go Hang Yourself (Siren): ?
[All] S-Attribute Outburst! (Ars): Sorry, quick and clean-kill the wife to reach enlightenment, see you next life.
It really was quick and clean. Ars returned from the jungle to the battlefield with his teammates, and with unstoppable force, took the game in one final teamfight.
By the time his own nexus exploded, Jiang Nan’an’s corpse hadn’t even cooled.
He stared at the big, bright “Defeat” on his screen for a long time, his mind blank: Who am I, what am I doing? Once he finally collected himself and exited the results screen, a new friend request popped up in his notifications.
[S-Attribute Outburst! requests to add you as a friend]
He’d just agreed to duo queue, so Jiang Nan’an didn’t hesitate and clicked accept.
S quickly sent a party invite. When Jiang Nan’an joined the team room, he heard a light chuckle in the team voice chat.
“Hey, Mr. Hang, your Siren was awesome-haven’t seen anyone play Siren that well in ages.”
S’s voice was young, with a Beijing accent and a slightly raspy, very engaging tone. For some reason, Jiang Nan’an found it a bit familiar, like he’d heard it somewhere before.
But he didn’t dwell on it. He adjusted his headset mic and turned on team voice.
“Save that praise for when I actually win.”
His tone was cool and indifferent. Hearing this, S laughed:
“No way, your Siren at this rank should win easily! Tch, that last game was just because you ran into me, right? Can’t help it, I’m just too strong-losing to me, you really can’t complain.”
It was the truth, and that made it even more annoying.
Jiang Nan’an’s lips curled coldly.
Maybe S heard that cold laugh, because he sounded even more delighted:
“Mad? Don’t be-I’m here to help you get your points back! Let’s see who’s unlucky enough to be our opponents. We’ll stomp them.”
“……” Maybe it was just a feeling, but at this moment, Jiang Nan’an suddenly thought he might be the unluckiest one of all.
A new game started. S was still jungling, still playing Ars.
When it was Jiang Nan’an’s turn to pick, he glanced at the enemy lineup and saw their mid had picked Snow Maiden-a hero with lots of crowd control, a tough matchup for Siren, who relies on mobility and sustained damage.
Of course, the stronger the hero lineup, the better for his team. Picking Siren here wasn’t really wise, and Jiang Nan’an’s mouse had already moved off the Siren icon. But maybe sensing his hesitation, S suddenly said in team chat:
“If you want to pick Siren, just do it. Don’t worry, I’ll camp mid for you. This game, I’m living in mid-anyone who dares touch your wings, I’ll destroy their heaven!”
Jiang Nan’an could play any mid hero, but Siren was always his best and favorite.
Now, hearing S’s words-setting aside that offbeat line-honestly, he was really tempted.
He raised an eyebrow slightly:
“Really?”
“How could it not be? The universe’s number one Ars is right here-go for it, go for it, guaranteed win.”
*Click-*
With a soft click, “Nice Weather, Go Hang Yourself” locked in the hero “Siren.”
Counter-picking is an obstacle you can’t get around; no matter how good Siren’s kit is, against Snow Maiden all you can do is obediently clear waves and get poked by her skills from time to time.
Jiang Nan’an focused on last-hitting minions. Maybe he hadn’t slept enough last night, or maybe the lane was just too boring, but he couldn’t help yawning.
“Yo, about to fall asleep, Mr. Hang?”
When S’s teasing came through his headset, Jiang Nan’an paused, then realized he was still in voice chat with him.
“If duo queue is putting you to sleep, that’s on me. Come on, let’s send her back to base.”
Hearing that, Jiang Nan’an glanced at the minimap and sure enough, saw Ars had already slipped into the bush from the jungle.
Jiang Nan’an got the hint, clicked his mouse to position himself and baited the enemy mid-laner.
Given the current game state and the beautiful plan he and S had, the enemy mid should see Jiang Nan’an’s “mistake” and, like a hungry wolf spotting meat, dash in for the kill-then S would burst out of the bush, and together they’d take down the enemy mid and leave in style.
Of course, things played out almost as they imagined, with just one difference-more than just the mid-laner pounced; the enemy jungler and support were also hiding in the opposite bush.
The mantis stalks the cicada, unaware of the oriole behind.
As soon as S’s Ars emerged from the bush, the enemy support locked him down, and Jiang Nan’an’s Siren came face to face with the enemy jungler. Seconds later, the jungler who’d just been boasting about “sending her home” heroically fell in battle, and the mid-jungle duo’s business venture ended before it began-two corpses side by side in the wide mid-lane bush, both sent back to fountain.
“Anyone who dares touch your wings, I’ll destroy their heaven”…
“The universe’s number one Ars is here”…
“Ahem.” S coughed twice, barely holding back laughter:
“Victory and defeat are common in battle, please allow me to explain…”
Staring at the black-and-white screen and the two corpses, Jiang Nan’an took a deep breath. Speechless, he suddenly, inexplicably, let out a laugh.
He didn’t respond to S, just silently picked up his phone, tapped a few times, then placed the phone’s speaker and his headset mic together.
A few seconds later, a cheerful melody played from his phone, and through the mic, the upbeat song rang out in the game voice chat-
“Ah, let’s meet again in fifty years-
Sent to the crematorium, all burned to ash-
A pile from you, a pile from me, nobody knows who’s who-
All sent to the countryside as fertilizer-
Ah, dear friends, who’ll be burned to ash first?
You first, me first-
In the end, we’re all just human bone ash-”
Perfectly fitting the two corpses on the black-and-white screen.
—
(advanced chapters available on kofi)
