YPHC Chapter 54

“I like you, being loved feels like…”

 

“?”

 

Two statements beyond his understanding hit him head-on, and Jiang Nan’an hesitantly took another step back.

 

No.

 

His first reaction was to slam the door shut, but Yan Jie was quick and stepped forward, using his shoulder to block the door, saying amusedly:

 

“Hey, are you scared? Even if you’re scared, you can’t slam the door in my face, can you, teacher?”

 

“.”

 

After a long standoff with the person outside who had seemingly lost his mind and the damned bouquet of roses in his arms, Jiang Nan’an finally gave up the struggle.

 

He sighed and released the pressure:

 

“Come in.”

 

“Gladly-”

 

Yan Jie immediately slipped into the house, bringing with him the chill of the first day of the Lunar New Year, while smiling with his big white teeth at Jiang Nan’an, offering his ninety-nine roses.

 

“I don’t want them.”

 

Jiang Nan’an averted his gaze, returned to sit in the recliner, skipping over the previous topic as if he hadn’t heard anything, and lowered his head to open the book he hadn’t finished:

 

“Find a place to sit yourself. There’s not much to entertain you with. If you want coffee or tea, make it yourself.”

 

“Those things don’t matter… Is there some rule about slippers? I just put on a random pair,” Yan Jie asked from the entryway, craning his neck.

 

“Whatever,” Jiang Nan’an replied, not even looking up, his eyes fixed on the words on the page. After two seconds, he realized the book in his hands was upside down, and without a change in expression, he quietly turned it right side up.

 

Yan Jie didn’t notice this little mishap. After changing shoes, he quickly came over with the bouquet of roses, crouched down beside Jiang Nan’an’s lounge chair, and stared at him intently:

 

“Look at these beautiful roses, Mr. Hang. Dead or alive, can you give me a response?”

 

“…,” Jiang Nan’an glanced at him. “April Fool’s Day is still a long way off.”

 

“Come on, I’m not joking. I really am in love with you.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“That’s okay.”

 

“…I don’t love you.”

 

“That’s why I said, I’m pursuing you, just give me a chance.”

 

“Even if you give you a chance, it’s useless. I suggest you don’t waste your time on me.”

 

“You haven’t given me a chance yet, so how do you know it’s useless? It’s fine, I like you-wasting time on you is exactly what I love to do.”

 

“.”

 

This was the first time in his life Jiang Nan’an had encountered something like this, and he really didn’t know how to handle it. In his understanding, a cold rejection should be enough, but unfortunately, the person he was facing was extraordinarily persistent.

 

Jiang Nan’an unconsciously ground his teeth lightly, fell silent for a moment, and seeing that Yan Jie seemed determined to stare at him until he agreed, simply gave up struggling and said flatly:

 

“Do as you like.”

 

Yan Jie happily agreed, and before leaving, asked whether Jiang Nan’an preferred tea or coffee.

 

As a guest, he was actually quite diligent, heading over to the bar to busy himself making something to drink for both of them.

 

Watching Yan Jie bustling about, Jiang Nan’an really couldn’t figure out what new “game mode” Yan Jie had found in his interesting life.

 

After leaving the show, Jiang Nan’an had thought their relationship had grown distant, maybe even to the point where he needed to be the one to maintain it. So why, after just one night, had things gone completely off the rails, charging in a direction he never imagined?

 

Was he still not fully awake, or did Yan Jie hit turbulence on the plane and get his brain scrambled?

 

“Are you hungry? Is your kitchen usable? How about I make you zhajiang noodles for dinner tonight?” Yan Jie called from the bar, turning to ask for Jiang Nan’an’s opinion.

 

Before Yan Jie could catch his gaze, Jiang Nan’an looked down and replied:

 

“I’m fine. Sure, do as you like.”

 

With permission granted, Yan Jie rummaged around the kitchen and fridge to see what was available.

 

He figured Jiang Nan’an probably never cooked at home. Sure enough, when he opened the fridge, it was full of lemon water and soda, a few apples, oranges, and eggs-no fresh ingredients at all, and only the most basic seasonings. Looking around, unless you wanted boiled eggs and a fruit platter, there was nothing else to make.

 

Yan Jie was a bit troubled. Hands on his hips, he looked at Jiang Nan’an:

 

“Immortal, do you survive on lemon water and apples every day? There’s no food in your house at all?”

 

“Not really. I usually order takeout.”

 

“What kind of takeout?”

 

“Low-fat meals.”

 

“…,” Yan Jie looked at his thin frame and found it reasonable.

 

He shrugged, “Alright, I’ll go to the supermarket. By the way, do you have a vase? If not, I’ll buy a couple. We can put the roses in water and they’ll last for days-so bright and beautiful.”

 

Jiang Nan’an didn’t comment, so Yan Jie grabbed his coat and headed out.

 

He wasn’t gone long before he returned with two big bags-seasonings, oil, meat, vegetables. He sorted everything for Jiang Nan’an, then got to work preparing dinner.

 

Jiang Nan’an watched him for a long time, unable to understand why someone would go out of their way to cook for someone else, but Yan Jie seemed to enjoy it.

 

Soon, steaming hot zhajiang noodles were served.

 

There was also a new glass vase on the table, filled with water and the red roses Yan Jie had brought that evening.

 

“Here, noodles,” Yan Jie said, handing Jiang Nan’an his bowl, then pointed to another plate: “These are all toppings, add whatever you like. The sauce is here too, but don’t add too much, or it’ll be too salty.”

 

Jiang Nan’an nodded, following his instructions to add toppings bit by bit, finally mixing it all together with chopsticks to make a proper bowl of zhajiang noodles.

 

Yan Jie had always boasted that his zhajiang noodles were the best in the world. Jiang Nan’an took a small bite-he had to admit, the taste lived up to the hype.

 

“How is it, good?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then eat more. If it’s not enough, I’ll make more.”

 

Only after Jiang Nan’an took the first bite and gave his approval did Yan Jie start mixing his own bowl, satisfied.

 

The home sound system was still playing, gentle music flowing through the room, blending with the soft lighting and the city night outside the floor-to-ceiling windows.

 

Jiang Nan’an always ate slowly and elegantly. Yan Jie liked watching him eat, and after wolfing down his own noodles, he just watched Jiang Nan’an for a while.

 

After a bit, Yan Jie suddenly brought up an unrelated topic:

 

“You liked my WeChat Moments yesterday.”

 

“Mm,” Jiang Nan’an replied blandly.

 

“So our Mr. Hang has started browsing Moments in his free time?”

 

“Is that not allowed?”

 

“Of course it is, especially if you give me a like. If I’d known you’d see it, I would’ve taken even better photos yesterday. Done a full makeover, learned some photo tricks… sigh, missed my chance.”

 

“Someone who doesn’t know better would think your Moments are for the emperor to select concubines,” Jiang Nan’an commented sharply.

 

“That’s about right. If I like you, of course I want you to see the best of me.”

 

“…”

 

Jiang Nan’an was caught off guard by this comment, and when he spoke again, his voice was much lower:

 

“That like was for your dog, don’t flatter yourself.”

 

“Well, that’s even better! You like it? Then I’ll post more in the future. How about that? Little Spring has gained status through his son. If it can capture Mr. Hang’s heart, that works too.”

 

“.”

 

For some reason, Jiang Nan’an felt that something between them had become different.

 

Yan Jie was still his usual frivolous, peacock-like self, but after that word “like” was thrown out, Jiang Nan’an suddenly didn’t know how to communicate with him. It seemed like any response would be a bit strange, making everything feel uncomfortable.

 

So Jiang Nan’an changed the subject:

 

“When are you leaving?”

 

“Leaving? Going where?” Yan Jie raised his eyebrows.

 

“Back to Beijing.”

 

“You’re trying to get rid of me already?” Yan Jie rested his face on his hand, looking at him:

 

“I’m not leaving. I’ll stay for a few days and see. I came to pursue you, so I need to show some determination and attitude. How would it look if I ran back so soon?”

 

Jiang Nan’an picked up the last bit of minced meat from his bowl and put it in his mouth, then set down his chopsticks.

 

His movement used a bit of force, causing the wooden chopsticks to hit the bowl with a not-too-light, not-too-heavy sound.

 

“Yan Jie.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Jiang Nan’an lowered his eyes and took a deep breath:

 

“I know what kind of relationship you want to develop with me, and although I find it a bit bizarre… I respect your thoughts and sexual orientation. But for courtship, I still suggest you try with someone else, because even if I were interested in dating, I wouldn’t consider you.”

 

“Is this something you can just switch like items on a menu?” Yan Jie found it somewhat amusing:

 

“I can’t switch anymore. I’ve fallen for you, and it’s you I want. I know you don’t understand these things very well, so I’m not expecting anything from you right now. Like I said, I’m pursuing you. If I like you, I’m happy to take care of you and be good to you. You don’t need to respond or give me anything in return. If you come to like me, we can be together; if not, I won’t force it.”

 

After a pause, he continued:

 

“Mainly, I’m not one for secret crushes. If I like someone, I want them to know it openly. This is my business, you don’t need to feel burdened or be so serious. Just be yourself. Accept my kindness with ease, don’t worry about me. Little Spring doesn’t ask for much, just that if you ever like someone else and start dating them, let me know beforehand. Don’t let me be made a fool.”

 

“…” After hearing this long declaration, Jiang Nan’an truly couldn’t understand:

 

“Why?”

 

“What do you mean, why?”

 

“Since you know that no matter what, you won’t get the result you want, why continue?”

 

“There’s no ‘why’ about it. I like you. Being loved gives you that privilege, to be treated like a little emperor.”

 

Jiang Nan’an was slightly taken aback and lowered his gaze.

 

After a moment, he raised the corner of his lips in a somewhat self-deprecating smile and chuckled lightly:

 

“…I’m not worth it.”

 

Yan Jie was stunned. Looking at Jiang Nan’an, from his lowered eyelashes, he realized that this wasn’t just a deliberately prickly sarcastic remark.

 

He composed himself, his tone much more serious:

 

“You are worth it. You’re the most worthy person in the world. Why else would I love you? Jiang Nan’an not only deserves my love but also the best love in the world, so please don’t say such things, okay?”

 

Before, Yan Jie hadn’t felt it, but now he realized that even though it wasn’t his intention and he had tried to soften things, his feelings seemed to be bringing pressure and trouble to Jiang Nan’an.

 

In psychology, there’s a term called “sense of deservingness.” People with low or lacking sense of deservingness often feel they aren’t good enough, that they don’t deserve many things, so they tend to be very independent and find it difficult to accept others’ contributions and help.

 

Given his professional background, Yan Jie was always quite sensitive to these things. He had previously vaguely detected some signs from Jiang Nan’an but thought it shouldn’t be the case.

 

Because he couldn’t think of a reason for Jiang Nan’an’s self-denial.

 

His looks were beyond question, he had so many accolades, and wherever he went, he received praise and encouragement. His career was smooth sailing, and many people who had struggled in the entertainment industry for years couldn’t even come close to him.

 

The people around him also pampered and indulged him, treating him like a child, always providing positive and encouraging guidance. By all accounts, this shouldn’t have fostered such a personality.

 

Unless…

 

“But Yan Jie, you don’t know me at all.”

 

Jiang Nan’an suddenly felt very tired. Matters involving emotions always made him feel physically and mentally exhausted:

 

“Do you know what I’m really like? How much do you know about me? You don’t even know what my name was before. Among so many people in the world, why did you choose me? Because I look good, because I suit your aesthetic and taste? There are many people in the world who look better than me. You can always find the next one.”

 

These words were quite hurtful, but Yan Jie couldn’t bring himself to be angry.

 

After all, what Jiang Nan’an said was true. His understanding of Jiang Nan’an was indeed far from sufficient.

 

“Tsk…” He irritably rubbed his hair:

 

“…Forget it, let’s not talk about this anymore. I’ve made you unhappy again. It was inconsiderate of me. If you feel burdened by this, I won’t mention it for now. Just pretend I never said anything.”

 

“…” Jiang Nan’an looked up, secretly observing Yan Jie’s reaction, then shifted his gaze before Yan Jie could look back.

 

Yan Jie got up from the dining table, cleared the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, then looked out the window:

 

“It’s getting late. You should rest. I’ll go now.”

 

Hearing this, Jiang Nan’an couldn’t help but ask:

 

“…Where are you staying?”

 

Yan Jie tilted his head to look at him and chuckled:

 

“What, if I had nowhere to stay, would you be willing to take me in?”

 

“…”

 

“I’m just teasing you. Even if I want to be with you, I can’t shamelessly insist on living together. I have several houses in this area. I won’t end up on the streets.”

 

“Good.”

 

After thinking for a moment, Jiang Nan’an quietly added:

 

“…I’m sorry.”

 

 

“No, don’t say that. Maybe my confession was indeed a bit sudden. It’s okay, if you can’t accept it, just pretend I never said anything. I won’t mention it for now, but before that, I need to clarify one thing: I really am serious. Perhaps I don’t know enough about you yet, but if you want me to know more, I’m always willing to listen. Don’t worry, as long as you’re not hiding some serial killing, dismemberment, or drug trafficking case, I’ll adore you all the same.”

 

After saying this, Yan Jie put on his coat, said “bye-bye” as if nothing had happened, and walked out the door.

 

The door lock closed, Yan Jie left, and the room suddenly became uncomfortably quiet.

 

Jiang Nan’an felt a heaviness in his chest, not knowing exactly what was causing the discomfort.

 

He slowly lay down on the table, staring at the night view outside the floor-to-ceiling windows.

 

After a long while, he sighed wearily and buried his face in the crook of his arm.

 

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