A-Shu’s story was short, after all, his life didn’t have many exciting chapters. Logically, it could be told in a few sentences, but Jiang Nan’an wasn’t good at telling people these things, so his narration was disjointed, not coherent, chaotic and lengthy.
But Yan Jie still understood.
The elm branches rustled overhead, and Jiang Nan’an looked up at the swaying greenery, somewhat lost in thought.
Just as he had most looked forward to as a child, he sat cross-legged and quietly under the old elm tree, smelling the bitter-sweet scent of plants, listening to the peaceful melody created by the rubbing leaves. Only now, the thin, frail woman was no longer by his side. She would no longer look at him with those clear, indifferent eyes, nor would she tell him things he didn’t quite understand.
But just as you said, A-Shu has gone out and has already seen the outside world.
…Mother.
After a long silence, someone gently held his hand.
This was a silent comfort. Yan Jie wrapped Jiang Nan’an’s slightly cool fingertips with his own warmth and asked softly:
“So, after filming ‘Spring Wind,’ you’ve been using the name Jiang Nan’an ever since?”
“Mm.” Jiang Nan’an paused, then added:
“Originally it was just a pseudonym for the film credits, but later when filling out the documents, I needed to write a formal name, and I didn’t know what to write… so I used this one.”
“How was the household registration processed at that time? Are there still issues now?”
“We went through the adoption procedure at a welfare institution. There shouldn’t be any problems now.”
“Director Wei helped with that?”
“Mm.”
“She was very good to you.”
“Mm.”
“And then? How did you end up staying in the entertainment industry?”
When asked this question, Jiang Nan’an slightly lowered his eyes:
“Originally, Director Wei wanted to sponsor my education.”
“Mm.”
“But it wasn’t possible. I was already sixteen then, had never been to school, wasn’t used to that kind of life, and couldn’t keep up with the courses. So I didn’t continue.”
Jiang Nan’an lowered his head, his eyes slightly downcast:
“After that, the film was well-received and won awards, so film offers came. Director Wei asked if I liked acting and wanted to continue. I… didn’t know, but at that time it was the best option for me, so I continued.”
Yan Jie silently took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.
No wonder, no wonder Jiang Nan’an always avoided talking about schooling, no wonder when Yan Jie occasionally brought up related topics, there was envy and longing between his lines.
“Then, before filming ‘Midsummer Sunshine,’ had you ever been on a campus?”
“Midsummer Sunshine” was the high school campus drama Jiang Nan’an filmed when he was seventeen or eighteen. Jiang Nan’an himself didn’t have such an opportunity, but perhaps he could experience it a bit through the character’s life.
Talking about this, Jiang Nan’an seemed to laugh very lightly:
“That’s what Sister Hong was thinking when she accepted the script, to at least let me experience school. So before joining the production, I attended classes for a few days at the school where we were filming.”
“How did it feel?”
Yan Jie tried to find that lonely young boy from years ago in these few words.
“I couldn’t understand.”
Jiang Nan’an casually curved the corner of his lips, a faint smile that seemed self-mocking:
“Except for Chinese class, I couldn’t really understand the others. I sat in the back all day and didn’t know why English letters could calculate numbers. After class it was very lively, but it had nothing to do with me. I still couldn’t get used to that atmosphere, so I only attended for two days and didn’t go back.”
“But you learned later, right?”
“Mm, I learned by myself, and found it wasn’t that difficult.”
“That’s because you’re smart.”
Yan Jie couldn’t help but reach out and hold Jiang Nan’an in his arms.
Jiang Nan’an had hidden the part that belonged to “A-Shu” so well that Yan Jie, who was with him every day, hadn’t discovered even a trace of it, and hadn’t even thought in that direction.
Perhaps because the things “A-Shu” once lacked, Jiang Nan’an had been working hard to complete.
History, philosophy, ancient poetry and allusions… fluent English, beautiful handwriting, correct values, the ability to think independently… The only thing lacking might be emotional intelligence and some social skills, but for him, that was inconsequential.
Many people who grow up in normal environments and receive quality education still can’t do as well, but someone whose starting point was so low, who began so late, still caught up step by step, turning himself into someone very good and excellent.
Yan Jie was proud of him.
Jiang Nan’an obediently let him hold him, lowering his head to rest on his shoulder, his voice somewhat muffled:
“…I’ve told you everything.”
“Mm, thank you for trusting me.”
“Now you know what kind of person I am.”
“Mm.”
“Do you understand what I mean? Yan Jie, I… I’m not as good as you think.”
“You’re very good, Nan Nan.” Yan Jie said softly:
“In that situation, no one could have done better than you.”
“But I still… I don’t have a good family.”
“So what?”
“You can’t get what you expect from me. You can’t meet my parents, nor can you integrate into my family. I… I don’t even have… I don’t even know…”
“It’s okay, baby. This isn’t necessary. I invited you into my family because I wanted two more people to love you with me, nothing else. This isn’t some kind of exchange; you don’t need to feel burdened by it.”
“…But, children are like their parents, aren’t they?”
Jiang Nan’an closed his eyes and painfully squeezed out a sentence in a low voice:
“I don’t want to become like that. I don’t know if I will… but I can’t control myself. That day I still lost my temper at you. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I don’t want…”
Listening to Jiang Nan’an’s incoherent words, Yan Jie’s heart ached, and something suddenly became clear.
So that’s what was bothering him.
“You’re not, baby. That day wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your problem. You were sick without even knowing it, it’s not your fault. We’ll adjust gradually and things will get better.”
Yan Jie stroked his back as if comforting a child:
“You’re not like him, not at all. You’re different from him. You’re so smart, so handsome, with such a good personality. You must take after your mother.”
This was meant to be a gentle reassurance, but upon hearing the word “mother,” Jiang Nan’an’s entire body suddenly trembled.
His shoulders shook slightly, and after a long while, he finally squeezed out in a low voice:
“But I caused her death…”
He had been hiding his past, hiding his guilt and pain, all by himself for so many years, and it was truly too exhausting.
He couldn’t find anyone to tell these things to, so he could only choose to forget, burying them deep, very deep in his heart.
But now finally someone knew and accepted his entire past.
Yan Jie knew his most shameful secret, yet still thought he was good, wasn’t disappointed in him, but instead gently embraced him and his past completely, comforting him, telling him he still loved him.
Jiang Nan’an didn’t believe anyone could do this for him, after all, he wasn’t particularly deserving or especially good.
But Yan Jie did just that.
He pulled him out of the dead end, laid out his self-blame, and then told him:
“You didn’t cause her death, baby. It’s not your fault. The one at fault is the person who trapped her there, the person who made her feel angry and desperate. You were the most innocent one in this whole situation besides her. You had no choice either, Nan Nan. You didn’t become an abuser; you tried to protect and help her. That shows you’re different from Lin Disheng. You’ve already done very well, so don’t blame yourself, don’t fault yourself, okay?”
Yan Jie gently stroked Jiang Nan’an’s hair:
“I believe when she made that decision, she definitely wasn’t blaming you or punishing you. She was just too tired. Baby, you may not have been able to help her, but that’s absolutely not your fault, and you absolutely didn’t harm her, okay?”
“…”
Jiang Nan’an didn’t respond.
After a long while, buried in Yan Jie’s shoulder, he nodded slightly.
“You didn’t disappoint her. You’re very good. I believe if she were still here, she would definitely be proud of who you are today. Okay?”
Another breeze passed, the elm branches swayed, rustling softly.
A leaf fell from the branch, landing right on Jiang Nan’an’s head, sliding down along his hair strands, like a gentle caress.
“If you want to cry, go ahead, baby.”
Yan Jie held Jiang Nan’an tightly, feeling him burrow further into the crook of his neck, like a small animal seeking security.
Soon, he felt a slight warm wetness, and his own heart inexplicably filled with sadness.
Except in his acting roles, Yan Jie had never seen Jiang Nan’an shed tears.
He comforted him like a child, silently stroking Jiang Nan’an’s back:
“It’s okay, it’s okay, Nan Nan.”
He lowered his head to kiss the top of Jiang Nan’an’s head:
“I’m here.”
Jiang Nan’an couldn’t remember the last time he had cried as “himself.”
Crying was a way for characters to express emotions and pain, but for him personally, it served no purpose. His life had no audience; he didn’t know who to cry for, and he didn’t know what use crying had, since tears couldn’t solve problems and would just waste time.
But now, leaning on Yan Jie’s shoulder, hearing Yan Jie gently accept all his unworthiness, telling him that none of this was his fault, watching Yan Jie untangle the past he had carried for many years, and then saying to him, if you want to cry, go ahead.
Perhaps it was magic, but at that moment when he heard those words, Jiang Nan’an felt his eyes grow warm, unfamiliar yet familiar feelings welled up, turning into tears that fell from the corners of his eyes, soaking Yan Jie’s collar.
He cried silently, and Yan Jie just held him, slowly comforting him.
The wind was peaceful, the tree shade swayed, and small patches of light danced on the ground.
After who knows how long, Jiang Nan’an’s emotions finally calmed, but he still quietly leaned against Yan Jie without moving, as if in a daze after the sadness.
Yan Jie wasn’t in a hurry either, just quietly accompanying him. After a long while, he finally spoke:
“Nan Nan.”
“Mm.”
Yan Jie stroked his hair:
“Have you ever thought about helping her fulfill her wish, taking her home, giving her justice?”
“…” Hearing this, Jiang Nan’an was slightly taken aback.
He sat up, looked up at Yan Jie, his eyes still a bit red:
“What do you mean?”
“About her… I have a guess.” Yan Jie looked into his eyes seriously, raised his hand to touch his face, using his fingertips to wipe away his tear marks:
“If she’s really as I imagine, then perhaps we can help her get out, find her family, and also let those who hurt her receive the punishment they deserve.”
Jiang Nan’an didn’t hesitate much:
“How?”
“What you just told me, the thing she asked you to get for her, was an ID card, right?”
“Mm.”
A-Shu didn’t know what it was at the time, but Jiang Nan’an now knows.
“You buried it when you left? Can we still find it now?”
“…I’ll try.”
Jiang Nan’an stood up.
He had been sitting for too long, and his legs were a bit numb. He staggered slightly when he stood, but fortunately, Yan Jie was steadily supporting him.
So Jiang Nan’an left the old elm tree and took Yan Jie to the back hill.
Almost nothing in Xiaoer Shi village had changed since the day he left, except for one thing-
Next to the lonely small grave on the back hill, a small elm tree had grown.
Jiang Nan’an stared at that small tree for a long time before suddenly realizing it was where he had buried the elm seeds years ago.
“What is it?”
Yan Jie, seeing him lost in thought, asked.
“No.” Jiang Nan’an looked away, crouched down in a small empty space between the small tree and the grave mound, and scratched at the loose soil with his fingers:
“It should be here.”
“Alright, let me do it.”
Yan Jie blocked his hand, not letting him continue, but instead crouched down himself, replacing him to quickly dig up that small patch of earth.
A child’s strength isn’t very great, and it was dark at the time. He had no tools and couldn’t dig very deep.
Therefore, Yan Jie didn’t need much effort to dig out that small tin box.
It was an old-fashioned cookie tin, the paint on the edges had long been rubbed off, and the lid and body had many dents of various sizes, showing it had gone through considerable wear and tear.
“Is this it?” Yan Jie handed the tin box to Jiang Nan’an.
Jiang Nan’an lowered his eyes as he took it, and forcefully opened the lid.
After ten years, the items in the box finally saw the light of day again.
There weren’t many things inside, just a pile of scattered old bills, a few dirty coins, and buried among these things, a thin card.
Jiang Nan’an picked out that card, silently looked at the writing and photo on it for a while, then used his fingertips to wipe the dust off the ID card and handed it to Yan Jie.
Yan Jie took it and looked down at this document that had been buried for more than a decade.
Name, Yu Xue.
The photo on the ID card was also quite old. The stiff ID photo made the person look lifeless. The woman wasn’t wearing makeup, nor had she carefully styled her hair, but even in the simplest appearance, her outstanding beauty couldn’t be concealed.
Fair skin, smooth facial features, dignified and delicate features…
And a pair of eyes extremely similar to Jiang Nan’an’s.
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(advanced chapters available on kofi)
![After losing all his wealth, the ancestor rose from his coffin [BL]](https://www.freenovels.net/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Your-paragraph-text-1.png "After losing all his wealth, the ancestor rose from his coffin [BL]")
