The rain in S City, which had lasted for nearly half a month, stopped on the day Zhou Shichen returned.
The autumn wind was bleak, scattering withered yellow leaves across the road, where they were crushed by the wheels of speeding cars and mixed into the lingering rainwater. Gusts of cold wind rustled past, the faint sound instantly swallowed by the city’s clamor.
Lin Yi, who had been holding down the fort alone in their dorm for half a month, had long ago told Zhou Shichen she wanted to celebrate the wrap-up of her filming. It was too cold to go out, so she ordered hot pot delivery. She got off work early and busied herself arranging the dishes on plates, then snapped a photo and sent it to the group chat to show off: “Bet you can’t have any! Envious? Jealous!”
At the end, she even tagged Zhou Shichen: “Babe, have you landed yet?”
Zhou Shichen probably hadn’t landed yet, so she didn’t reply. Instead, Yan Qi replied with a: “Babe?”
Lin Yi: ^^
Yan Qi: @Xu Shuyan
Lin Yi: ?
Yan Qi: Didn’t you tag the wrong person?
Lin Yi: No…
Yan Qi: Yes, you did.
Lin Yi: Okay, Captain.
Yan Qi: ^^
Was her gaydar on the fritz? Why did she get a weird vibe from the Captain and Zhou Shichen? It couldn’t be, could it? In a five-member girl group, was it possible only one of them was straight? And it had to be the one she used to have a crush on!
Used to…
Lin Yi spaced out for a moment. Liking Chen Yuan was already a thing of the past. When she thought back to how she’d felt then, it seemed like a lifetime ago—so long that the heartache and the fluttering feelings were gone, leaving only a sense of peace.
It was all Xu Shuyan’s fault!
Lin Yi put the shrimp paste in the fridge and poured herself a glass of iced Coke. Watching the Coke bubble and fizz in the glass, she thought, if Xu Shuyan hadn’t suddenly confessed to her and thrown her heart into turmoil, she might have been able to use this “heartbreak” to write a sad love song!
And another thing! Didn’t Xu Shuyan often stay up late after getting to LA? Was she asleep again now? She wasn’t even replying to the group chat messages?
Lin Yi resisted looking at her phone. She busied herself directing the robot vacuum, then carefully washed her hands before pretending to casually check her phone.
…The group chat was still on Yan Qi’s smiley face.
It looked so smug.
Xu Shuyan must be asleep. That made sense. Lin Yi slowly nodded. It was time for her to be sleeping, and she should have adjusted to the time difference by now. And even if she wasn’t asleep, it was normal to miss a group chat message.
Only after exiting the group chat did she see that Shen Yujia had sent her a message. She said that after some consideration, she had decided to participate in the finals of Sing Out Loud.
Lin Yi’s eyes lit up, her attention diverted. “Do you need my help contacting the production team?”
Shen Yujia said: “No need, the production team already gave me their contact information.”
Lin Yi replied with a cute sticker of a character rolling on the floor: “That’s great! I’ll be watching the finals! I hope you succeed in your challenge! …No, you’ll definitely succeed!”
Shen Yujia: “[Smile] I will.”
Lin Yi: “…”
Had anyone told Shen Yujia that this emoji was basically used for cursing people out now?
Considering Shen Yujia was about to interact with a lot more people, Lin Yi decided to educate her. Shen Yujia was completely lost by the explanation, so Lin Yi, deciding to help her all the way, also sent her a big gift pack of stickers.
Shen Yujia: “…So many stickers.”
Lin Yi: “[Smug] These are all the ones I use regularly! They’re a great tool for chatting! When you don’t know what to say, sending a sticker is never wrong!]”
Shen Yujia: “[Xu Shuyan gives you a thumbs-up and sends a wink.gif]”
Lin Yi: “Uh…”
Crap, why did she feel like she’d just been shot through the heart!
Shen Yujia: “[Xu Shuyan tilts her head in confusion: Sister, did I do something wrong?.gif]”
Lin Yi: “!”
Shen Yujia: “[Xu Shuyan doesn’t know what to say so she’ll just wish you an early New Year.jpg]”
Lin Yi: “…Why are there so many of Xu Shuyan!”
Shen Yujia: “You sent them all to me.”
Lin Yi: “…”
Had she really saved that many stickers of Xu Shuyan?
Shen Yujia: “[Xu Shuyan’s cute attack.gif]”
Lin Yi: “…”
Okay, she really had saved quite a few.
Lin Yi: “Haha! Our group often saves stickers of each other! I have some of Shichen and the Captain and Yuanyuan here, let me find them and send them to you!”
Shen Yujia: “[Xu Shuyan gives you a thumbs-up and says you’re awesome today.gif]”
Lin Yi: “…”
Stop sending them, stop sending them!
She urgently searched her sticker library for stickers of her other groupmates, but after searching for a long time, she only found a few. She then went to steal some from fans on Weibo. Just as she was importing them into WeChat, Shen Yujia sent a message: “It’s okay if you can’t find any others. I think these are enough.”
Lin Yi got anxious: “I can find them! I can find them!”
Shen Yujia: “[Xu Shuyan’s eyes widen slightly in shock.jpg]”
Lin Yi: “…Okay, I’ll stop looking. You stop sending them too!”
Shen Yujia: “[Smile]”
For some reason, Lin Yi had the flustered feeling that her thoughts had been seen through.
Even though Shen Yujia wasn’t in front of her and hadn’t said anything, her cheeks began to burn, and her heart started pounding like a drum, uncontrollably. The more she looked at her sticker library, the stronger this feeling became.
Xu Shuyan making all sorts of expressions—cute, cool, or goofy—each one dangled in front of her, churning her already chaotic heart into pieces, clearly provoking her: “Admit it, you like me.”
Like my foot!
Lin Yi threw her phone onto the sofa, deciding not to think about Xu Shuyan anymore. She was always messing with her emotions, so annoying.
Luckily, Zhou Shichen returned shortly after, looking travel-worn. Without even taking off her coat, she opened her suitcase on the floor. “Xiao Yi, come and see, what do you think of this bag I bought for Yanyan?”
Xu Shuyan again!
So annoying, can’t you just not mention—wait. Lin Yi squatted down. “Why did you buy a bag for Xu Shuyan?”
Zhou Shichen took a gift box out of her suitcase and said as she unwrapped it, “Yanyan’s birthday is coming up, you haven’t forgotten, have you? November 5th, it’s only a few days away.”
“Oh.” Lin Yi took the bag Zhou Shichen held out and said, “I remember.”
She’d been worrying about a birthday gift for a while now.
Xu Shuyan loved buying bags, so giving her a bag was of course the best and most effortless choice. That’s why Xu Shuyan received many bags every year for her birthday. She couldn’t use them all, so she put them in their shared walk-in closet.
…She didn’t want her gift to be just like everyone else’s.
“This bag is the new spring model! I had a friend bring it back from Europe for me!” Zhou Shichen said proudly. “It’s also to repay Yanyan for booking out an entire amusement park for my birthday this year.”
“What did Yanyan give you for your birthday this year?” Zhou Shichen asked.
Lin Yi’s birthday was in August, which was also the busiest time during their summer tour. Training, rehearsals, and performances every day were tiring enough, so Lin Yi took the initiative to suggest keeping things simple—just a meal together and a gift would be fine.
Only Xu Shuyan said she was planning to get a big-ticket item but was short on cash, so she’d owe her one. She’d been “owing” her ever since, and Lin Yi still hadn’t received her birthday gift.
“She still hasn’t given it to you?” Zhou Shichen was surprised.
Lin Yi huffed. “She’s probably planning to put it off and give it to me next year along with that one. Who cares!”
Zhou Shichen: “I care.”
Lin Yi: “?”
Zhou Shichen: “…I care about this dose of ship content.”
Lin Yi: “…”
No need to explain! She understood instantly!
Lin Yi put Zhou Shichen’s gift back in the box, tied the ribbon, and stood up. “Don’t worry, she loves bags so much, she’ll definitely be thrilled. Let’s not worry about her. Come on, let’s eat hot pot!”
As she spoke, she walked toward the dining room. Halfway there, she heard her phone buzz.
Muffled by the sofa, it was hard to notice.
Zhou Shichen was closest. “You got a message. Huh? It’s Yanyan.” Lin Yi’s steps faltered. Then she heard Zhou Shichen ask, “When did she change her WeChat name?”
Lin Yi let out a small “ah.”
Zhou Shichen pushed herself up from the sofa. “AAA Xu Shuyan? Is she working as a purchasing agent in LA? No wonder she said she was short on cash. Are things that tough for her? If I’d known, I would have asked her to buy the bag.”
Lin Yi: “…That’s the contact name I set for her.”
Zhou Shichen paused. “Why add AAA at the beginning? Is this another one of those little couple tricks I don’t understand?”
“What trick! There’s no trick!” Lin Yi retorted. “It’s just to make her easier to find. After all, so many people chat with me regularly, it’s a pain to find her, and I can’t just delete them, so I added AAA at the front!”
Zhou Shichen blinked. “Oh, don’t get so worked up.”
Lin Yi: “I’m not worked up!!!”
Calming herself down, she smiled at Zhou Shichen. “I’m not worked up.”
Zhou Shichen nodded.
Lin Yi asked casually, “What does Xu Shuyan want?”
Zhou Shichen waved the phone and said, “She said she was just passing a pet shop and saw a little Pomeranian in the window, pure white, super cute, and it looked a lot like you.”
Lin Yi: “…”
“She said this little Pomeranian is better behaved than you, though. It blows her kisses through the glass.”
“…”
“She called you a little heartless thing. You call Shichen ‘babe’ in the group chat, but you can’t even send me a private message to say goodnight? You’ve forced me to use a little Pomeranian as a substitute for you on the empty streets of LA.”
“…”
“She asked if you even want to—”
“Stop reading, stop reading!” Lin Yi snapped out of it, interrupting Zhou Shichen. She snatched the phone back. “She must have sent it to the wrong person, don’t you think? Who’s a Pomeranian!”
Zhou Shichen asked, “Really?”
Lin Yi nodded frantically. “Mhm!”
Zhou Shichen: “I don’t believe you.”
Lin Yi: “…Believe it or not!”
Never mind Zhou Shichen not believing her; Lin Yi herself felt guilty for lying. She looked down and saw messages from Xu Shuyan still popping up one by one. She hurriedly replied, “Stop messaging!”
AAA Xu Shuyan: ?
Lin Yi: Shichen saw it…
AAA Xu Shuyan: Oh… your babe.
Lin Yi: What babe! There’s no babe!
AAA Xu Shuyan: [Xu Shuyan feels wronged and starts wiping away tears.gif]
Lin Yi: …
Tonight, she was allergic to Xu Shuyan’s stickers.
Lin Yi: Stop wandering around outside in the middle of the night. Get back to the hotel and sleep!
AAA Xu Shuyan: Are you worried about me?
Lin Yi: …I’m worried about that little Pomeranian.
AAA Xu Shuyan: …
After replying, she looked up and met Zhou Shichen’s smiling eyes. Lin Yi jumped, giving her a light push, her face slightly red. “What is it, Shichen! Don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m just concerned about the relationship between my groupmates, okay?” Zhou Shichen took off her coat and draped it over a chair. “We’re a group, we need to have group spirit! What did you two just talk about? Tell me everything.”
Lin Yi lifted the lid of the hot pot, ruthlessly exposing her. “I think you just want to ship your CP.”
The pot was already hot. After turning up the heat, it quickly started bubbling. The aroma of hot pot filled the entire room, and just looking at it was enough to make one’s mouth water. Zhou Shichen took a sip of Coke, then replied to Lin Yi resentfully, “What are you thinking? Why did you suddenly stop doing fan service?”
“We have to uncouple eventually.” Lin Yi used the serving chopsticks to put some tender beef into the spicy broth, muttering, “We can’t be a CP for a lifetime, can we?”
“Why not?” Zhou Shichen asked.
Right, why not?
Lin Yi absentmindedly picked up her glass, took a sip of Coke, and put it down. The fizzy soda danced between her lips and teeth. She swallowed the icy liquid, and it seemed to seep down her throat and into her heart.
She thought, before, she was in a hurry to uncouple because she didn’t want any more entanglement with Xu Shuyan. She wanted to return to being ordinary groupmates, to retreat to her comfort zone. It would be better for everyone.
But what about now? Before, she was never afraid of CP fans scrutinizing the way she looked at Xu Shuyan, analyzing their relationship, or deducing what stage they were at, because it was all fake. But now she felt guilty. She was afraid of being interpreted, afraid of being analyzed. She was afraid she could no longer deceive herself.
She said it was fan service, that it was an act, that every word was false, but in reality, everything was true.
Now that she’d been exposed, she had no choice but to face her own heart.
Seeing Lin Yi’s expression, Zhou Shichen sighed inwardly and tactfully changed the subject. She had been on set for nearly half a month and had plenty of interesting stories to tell. As they chatted, the atmosphere quickly lightened up.
As they were finishing their meal, Lin Yi remembered, “I have to go to the university tomorrow.”
“For class?” Zhou Shichen asked. “You’re a senior, you shouldn’t have many regular classes left, right? Are midterms coming up?”
“Yeah.” Lin Yi had a headache. “And I have to prepare my graduation thesis. I’ll probably have to stay at the university for two or three days. I already had my assistant go and clean up the dorm room today.”
Xu Shuyan was in the same major, same class, and same dorm as Lin Yi. Since she couldn’t come back, Lin Yi had to take notes for her. She ran from one building to another and back again, spending half the day rushing around the huge campus. By the time she finally made it to a large lecture in a tiered classroom, Lin Yi felt more exhausted than if she’d performed a concert.
She found a seat in the back by the window and, before the professor arrived, laid her head on the desk to catch up on sleep.
She was a celebrity, after all, and well-known. It was inevitable that her classmates would talk about her. Some people even knew she was back for class and came specifically to sit in. Those who couldn’t get in peeked in from the classroom doorway.
Lin Yi just closed her eyes to rest, but the quiet whispers drifted through the air and into her ears.
“It really is Lin Yi! She usually doesn’t come to class much. She only came often during our freshman year, and she was always stuck to that girl from her group, Xu Shuyan. They even passed notes in class!”
“No way? That innocent? Weren’t they tired of being together every day? What could they possibly have to talk about so much?”
“I heard they’re The Notes’ only Real Couple. It’s not just for show!”
Lin Yi: “…”
If she remembered correctly, there was an extremely boring class back then. The professor just read from the textbook and that was it. They had even confiscated their phones. She and Xu Shuyan were so bored that they drew a QQ chat window in a notebook. They weren’t really chatting, but roasting each other.
Xu Shuyan complained that Lin Yi’s makeup was terrible. Lin Yi complained that Xu Shuyan’s hairstyle was awful. Xu Shuyan said Lin Yi talked in her sleep again last night. Lin Yi said she wasn’t talking in her sleep; she was cursing at her. It ended with Xu Shuyan launching into a long tirade about Lin Yi’s terrible fashion sense and bad taste, to which Lin Yi replied, “I was in a hurry today, so I just grabbed something from your closet.”
Thinking of this, Lin Yi smiled. See, she’d never lost a war of words with Xu Shuyan.
…It’s just that after that, Xu Shuyan didn’t speak to her for three days.
Petty!
Lin Yi heard someone whisper that the professor had arrived. She slowly sat up. She watched people hurry across the leaf-strewn campus. The autumn sunlight, devoid of warmth, filtered down through the sparse branches. A thought that had been turning in her mind for nearly twelve hours finally took concrete form at this moment.
She thought, when on earth is Xu Shuyan coming back from LA?
It was Sister Fang who told Lin Yi that Xu Shuyan was coming back.
Along with that news, she also told her about her upcoming schedule. All the post-production work for the title track of her new album was finished, and the release date was set. Once her work was done, all sorts of invitations came pouring in.
Sister Fang had picked a guest spot on a popular national variety show for her, and also accepted a cameo in a movie. Finally, she said, “You remember Sing Out Loud, right? The one I asked you to persuade Shen Yujia to join when she didn’t want to. I don’t know what changed her mind a while ago, but she agreed to the production team’s offer to be a challenger. The finals are going to be interesting!”
Lin Yi was the one who had suggested it, but Sister Fang didn’t know. Feeling guilty, she gave a vague reply, “That’s pretty good.”
“You know her, and you two have such a deep connection, so the production team wanted to play up the sentimentality and have you record a VCR for her. I saw your schedule was free that day and thought it would be more impactful if you went in person, so I discussed it with Shichen’s manager. You two will go together.”
“…That’s fine.” Lin Yi sat cross-legged on the bay window seat, looking at the river view outside, and mentioned casually, “Didn’t you say Xu Shuyan is coming back that day?”
Sister Fang hummed in agreement. “She’s flying directly to B City. It seems she has some personal business to take care of.”
“What personal business?” Lin Yi raised her voice. “Shouldn’t she be adjusting to the time difference when she gets back? What is she doing in B City? Does she know anyone in B City? How come I don’t know?”
Sister Fang: “Why are you so worked up?”
Lin Yi blinked. “Am I?”
Sister Fang: “Yes.”
Lin Yi: “…Just concerned about a groupmate.”
Sister Fang was skeptical but didn’t want to overthink it, so she just went along with the vague explanation. “I’m not sure either. She was really tired in LA, finishing the MV for her new song and overseeing the post-production. She had some personal business, so I gave her some time off.”
Lin Yi gave a sullen “oh,” hung up, and opened her chat with Xu Shuyan. She hesitated for a long while but didn’t send a message.
On the other side, Sister Fang hung up.
She messaged Xu Shuyan: “Xiao Yi was asking about you. I managed to put her off. Don’t you go pulling any ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ surprises on me… I feel like your ‘house’ is on the verge of collapse, and my crisis PR statement is ready to go at any moment.”
Xu Shuyan replied with an OK hand gesture emoji: “I won’t. I just want to give her… them a little surprise. Groupmates need to maintain their bond and keep things fresh!”
Sister Fang replied with a dry laugh: “Normal groupmates?”
Xu Shuyan: “…Don’t expose me.”
Sister Fang: “…”
There’s no such thing as a perfect secret. The news that Xu Shuyan would be attending the Sing Out Loud finals with Lin Yi and Zhou Shichen leaked out. But it was quickly debunked by a rumor that Xu Shuyan couldn’t make it back in time, and that scalpers were just spreading rumors to sell tickets. The only members of the Gu Group actually attending would be Lin Yi and Zhou Shichen.
Lin Yi had seen the news too. Although she didn’t believe it, she still held onto a small sliver of hope. Sitting in the guest section, she kept looking around.
“Looking for Shen Yujia?” Zhou Shichen followed her gaze and looked around too. “She’s backstage getting ready, stop looking. This studio is huge, and the heating is totally inadequate. Are they trying to freeze us to death?”
They were both in formal dresses, with all the requisite exposed skin. People were constantly coming and going in the studio, letting in drafts of wind that made them shiver from time to time. Lin Yi hummed absentmindedly. After a moment’s thought, she said to Zhou Shichen, “I just have a feeling Xu Shuyan will be here.”
“No way.” Sister Fang’s secrecy had been effective, mixing truth with falsehood. Even Zhou Shichen, who was always online, didn’t take the scalpers’ gossip seriously. “If she were here, why wouldn’t she be sitting with us? We’re a group!”
Lin Yi was silent for a moment. “…That’s true.”
But unexpectedly, after the finalists finished singing the opening number, Zhou Shichen was proven wrong.
They were only attending as guests and didn’t have a performance, so they hadn’t attended the rehearsal yesterday. They had no idea there was another act after the opening number. So when the lights in the entire venue suddenly dimmed and a single spotlight hit the stage lift, they were both stunned.
Especially when the bright light faded and a familiar voice rang out through the venue, Lin Yi and Zhou Shichen’s eyes widened at the same time.
Xu Shuyan?!
Singing softly on a high stool on the stage lift, dressed in a simple white shirt and plaid skirt—wasn’t that Xu Shuyan! Lin Yi sat up straight, staring blankly at the person descending from above.
She heard her sing softly: “My gaze is already clear / Though it may be fleeting, it still lands on you…”
It was “How Can You Be So Dumb You Don’t Even Know I Like You.”
Lin Yi’s heart suddenly began to race. She knew that every word, every note, every melody was being sung for her. On this stage, under the watchful eyes of thousands, Xu Shuyan was singing only for her.
Xu Shuyan sang: “All my defenses crumble before you, how can you turn a blind eye?”
Xu Shuyan sang: “Occasionally brave, but it’s so fleeting in front of you.”
Xu Shuyan sang: “How can you be so dumb you don’t even know I like you.”
The camera swept across her calm face. Years of idol training allowed her to maintain a smile even after the initial shock. The bullet comments on the livestream must be going wild, but she didn’t want to—and couldn’t—worry about that anymore.
At this moment, she just wanted to quietly listen to Xu Shuyan sing.
A song sung just for her.
[Holy crap! Look at Zhou Shichen and Lin Yi’s expressions, they didn’t know Xu Shuyan was coming either, did they?]
[They’re acting, right?]
[So what if they’re acting? All the world’s a stage… blah blah blah, get off the internet!]
[I don’t think it’s an act. Oh my god, is that look in Lin Yi’s eyes for real? Is this the legendary ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’? Did Xu Shuyan come straight here from the airport to sing for her wife?]
[That look has to be real love, right?]
[Why is Xu Shuyan singing this song! Don’t tell me they’re still in the ambiguous stage! In my mind, they’ve been married for years…]
[My roommate is going to be the death of me. She was so happy watching the livestream today, saying how great it was that her daughter wasn’t attending an event with Xu Shuyan for once! Then Xu Shuyan pulls a surprise appearance, and now she’s so mad she’s punching the air hahahahaha]
[The solo stans, so tragic.]
[Holy shit! Xu Shuyan left the stage, and when the camera panned back to the guest seats, Lin Yi was gone!]
[Give the little couple a break. They haven’t seen each other in half a month. It’s normal to be eager to kiss, hug, and hold your wife up high.]
[Zhou Shichen: Who am I? Where am I? Where should I go?]
[I’m begging you, Zhou Shichen, you’re also in The Notes, just follow her… Thanks, you actually went.]
…
To be honest, for the first thirty seconds after Lin Yi disappeared, Zhou Shichen was completely dumbfounded. It wasn’t until an assistant came and nudged her, telling her to follow them to “build up some group spirit,” that she started walking backstage as if in a dream.
As she walked, she wondered, was it appropriate for her to go? What if she walked in on her groupmates kissing? The shock would be immense. Wouldn’t she just die from shipping them so hard on the spot?
But unexpectedly, just as she followed the staff’s directions to the door of Xu Shuyan’s dressing room, she ran right into Lin Yi. She came to her senses. “Xiao Yi? Where are you going?”
“Back to the audience.” Lin Yi grabbed her and started walking. “Don’t interrupt Xu Shuyan while she’s flirting with someone else.”
“Huh?” Zhou Shichen stumbled as she was pulled along. “Flirting? Isn’t this Yanyan’s dressing room? I saw her name on the door… Hey, hey! Slow down! What’s wrong?”
Lin Yi sneered.
What’s wrong?
She should be asking Xu Shuyan that!
Lin Yi thought about how she had just run offstage to find Xu Shuyan, only to hear laughter coming from the dressing room as soon as she reached the door. Peeking through the crack in the open door, she saw—well, well, well—Xu Shuyan was chatting and laughing with a blonde, blue-eyed beauty. She was smiling so wide, wasn’t she afraid of her teeth getting cold!
All that talk about liking her, missing her, wanting to see her as soon as possible—it was all lies!
Seeing her dark expression, Zhou Shichen asked cautiously, “What did you see?”
“What did I see?” Lin Yi’s temper flared. “Just our group’s Rapper Xu, back from abroad with a beautiful woman in tow! What else could I see? We should be more tactful and not go in and disturb their private little world!”
Zhou Shichen: “…”
Lin Yi glared at her, puffing her cheeks. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”
Shouldn’t Zhou Shichen be joining her in righteous indignation right now, condemning Xu Shuyan for this lack of group spirit—attending the same event as her groupmates without even bothering to greet them?
But Zhou Shichen just looked at her. After a moment, she clicked her tongue twice. “Do you smell that? Smells like vinegar.”
Lin Yi froze. “What?”
Zhou Shichen: “I’m saying you’re so sour, Xiao Yi.”
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