NB Chapter35

Many years ago, when I was forced to my knees with my arms pinned back by Zhang Mingsheng’s men, Zhang Mingsheng himself stood there with a smile. He held my jacket and systematically stripped my pockets of my phone, ID, service weapon, and wallet.

Being overpowered and having your weapons and communication devices confiscated is common enough. The wallet itself wasn’t valuable, just cheap roadside finds, and I wasn’t carrying much cash, let alone bank cards. There was no reason for Zhang Mingsheng to care about any of it. Logically, there was nothing in that wallet that could possibly pique his interest.

Unless.

I watched as Zhang Mingsheng slowly opened the black leather wallet. He turned it over, his eyes lingering on it as the corners of his mouth slowly lifted into a faint, knowing smirk, followed by a quiet chuckle. In that moment, an overwhelming surge of humiliation, bitterness, and hopelessness engulfed me.

I knew that the moment the wallet was opened, the first thing anyone would see in the transparent slot was a newspaper clipping with a silhouette of a man in profile. That man was Zhang Mingsheng.

I began to tremble, feeling less like an innocent victim abducted for no reason and more like those dark, shameful stalkers featured in the tabloids, obsessing over others in secret. I lowered my gaze, fixating on the red-and-black patterns woven into the carpet beneath Zhang Mingsheng’s leather shoes as dizziness overtook me, a pounding pressure building at my temples.

Zhang Mingsheng shifted his posture to sit up straight and uncross his legs. The sharp, smooth crease of his suit trousers entered my field of vision. Above me, he finally broke the silence, his voice tinged with amusement and carrying the easy familiarity of an old friend making casual conversation. He said, “Officer Yu, they say ‘if only life remained like the first time we met.’ It seems I’m not the only one who remembers our first meeting, I see it’s cost you quite a few years of your life as well.”

I looked up to see his fingers still twirling that narrow little clipping.

He said, “It’s wonderful. I’m very happy, Officer Yu. In all these years, I don’t think I’ve ever been remembered by anyone quite like this. I have to thank you for that.”

He spoke with such refined elegance, sounding truly grateful; had I not been kneeling on the ground, I might have actually believed him.

From that point on, I gradually became the “Mrs. Zhang” who was never seen in public, and that newspaper clipping became a vital tool for Zhang Mingsheng to fabricate our romance.

He would always claim to the outside world that it was love at first sight, a match made in heaven. He’d say that the moment our eyes met, we knew the other party was the indispensable partner of our lives. He claimed that if we couldn’t see each other, our hearts felt empty, making it necessary to keep a photo in a wallet to take out and gaze upon from time to time, smiling through the ache of longing.

When he spoke, he was poised and full of smiles; one couldn’t tell if he was being intentionally hyperbolic and mocking or if he was speaking from the heart. Either way, in the eyes of others, he was ultimately a happy man.

Just as I was an unhappy one.

In the past, I always avoided thinking about it, but once I reached the point where I couldn’t even manage to die, I began to find “joy” in my misery. Over the last few years, I have ruminated on those humiliating moments countless times, dismantling every second and digesting them over and over again.

I remember that one of the men pinning my arms was Ah Hai.

At that time, in my eyes, he was like a cold, ruthless machine. He rarely spoke, his skin was a pale, rice white, and he always wore very thin clothes. He looked as though he could snap my wrist with the slightest bit of effort.

I was sweating from the pain, my heart filled with a mixture of grief and indignation, yet I still held onto a sliver of hope by attempting to awaken his conscience, “Do you have any idea what you’re doing? He is the Young Master, and you are an accomplice. If he gets caught, he might be able to pay for bail, but what about you? You could be sentenced to prison. Do you really think he’ll care about you then?”

He didn’t respond. Instead, he forced my arms behind my back even harder and bound them with rope.

Once finished, he circled around to stand in front of me and said, “It would be best if you didn’t struggle, or you’ll chafe your skin.”

My words went in one of his ear and out the other; he would ramble on about mundane, insignificant things, as though he and I were living in entirely separate timelines.

On the verge of despair, I lifted my head to meet his gaze and asked one last question with complete sincerity, “Do you truly believe what he’s doing is right?”

Even though I slipped into a haze of dull, agonizing unconsciousness the very next second, in that fleeting instant, I caught sight of those usually calm, unreadable eyes suddenly going still, his lashes suspended in an uncharacteristic pause. In that instant, I became certain that Zhang Mingsheng’s fortress was not without cracks. It’s just that I’ve been chipping away at that crack for ten years.

Seated in my wheelchair amid the withered remains of dead plants, as the wind churned gray clouds across the bleak, frigid sky, I lowered my head and asked in quiet dejection, repeating the same question from years ago: “Ah Hai, do you think what he’s doing is right?”

Who “he” referred to had not changed in years. I knew Ah Hai must remember, sharing a spark of unspoken understanding with me that required no explanation.

Ah Hai remained silent for a long time, his voice dropping slightly, “You asked that same question many years ago. Right after that, I knocked you unconscious.”

“I know, but I remember you hesitated for a second back then. Because of that one second, I figured I could ask you again,” I said, lifting my head to gaze at the distant sky. “Do you have an answer now?”

I waited for several minutes, but his answer never came. I sighed, almost inaudibly. At least this time, he didn’t knock me unconscious.

“Why do you think he does it?” This wasn’t a follow-up interrogation, just a helpless lament. I knew Ah Hai couldn’t answer.

Sure enough, he didn’t dodge the question, because he truly didn’t have an answer, “I don’t know.”

Then, he followed up quickly, speaking haltingly as if he were thinking hard while struggling to accurately express his feelings.

He said, “But in this world, there are some people whose manner when doing certain things makes you feel…”

As if possessed, the words slipped out of my mouth, “Like it’s only natural?”

“Yes.” Ah Hai said.

I thought of the aura Zhang Mingsheng exuded in every gesture and had to admit that sometimes, just by standing there, he had already persuaded people, making them nearly flip their sense of right and wrong.

Bringing up the past caused the memories to come flooding back like an opening levee. I looked down and smiled. “Do you remember that time I almost escaped?”

Ah Hai said, “Sir was very worried about you then.”

“Worried? He was probably just afraid that if I ran off, he’d be bored and I’d cause him more trouble.”

“During that time, there was a million-dollar bounty on the heads of Zhang family members in the underworld.” Ah Hai said, his tone solemn.

The underworld. Which underworld?

I was confused for a moment, and it took a second for the realization to dawn on me: only the Triads would place a bounty on someone’s life. Having stayed in the Zhang household for so long, I had actually forgotten how tenaciously the gangs entrenched themselves in Hong Kong. With a heavy price on the heads of the Zhang family, that naturally included me; the mysterious person who had inexplicably married into the family.

I had been completely oblivious to this, only learning of it today from Ah Hai.

It seemed Zhang Mingsheng had intentionally kept me in the dark.

Marriage truly is a grave; it buries more than so-called love; it may even conceal a headless corpse beneath the soil.

Thinking back now, every one of my narrow escapes involved facing more than just Zhang Mingsheng’s interference from the shadows; there was also the opportunistic maneuvering of various underworld factions lurking in even darker corners.

Ah Hai only told me today. It’s too late, even if he has done his best to be loyal to me in his own way.

I sighed again and said to him, “Ah Hai, in this house, you are the one I’ve shared the most honest words with.”

I left it at that; I thought he should understand.

After another silence as deep as the sea, Ah Hai spoke slowly. He said, “Actually, I’ve always felt that Madam is very similar to an old acquaintance of mine.”

“Oh?” This was something I had never heard of before. My interest was piqued, and I turned my head to listen.

“I imagine you must have heard that Ah Shan and I used to serve… serve beside the Master’s aunt.” Ah Hai said, his choice of address for this aunt remaining extremely cautious.

I nodded before signaling for him to continue.

“Actually, both Ah Shan and I were hand-picked by her husband. We had been by their side since we were very young.” Ah Hai’s voice was soft and his pace slow; he brushed over years of loyalty and affection in a single sentence, leaving much unsaid. “The Master was a military man originally. He had a good temperament and never treated us harshly. But in politics, there are some things that are simply unavoidable.”

“Back then, someone suddenly appeared to assassinate him. We were caught completely unprepared. The opposition had the numbers; we stood no chance of winning. He felt that instead of letting Ah Shan and me fight to the death with those people, it was better for us to escape while he stayed behind…”

“To face death?”

“Yes.” Ah Hai bowed his head.

In my peripheral vision, he looked like a dark tombstone standing in the evening sea breeze.

I didn’t need to ask what his choice had been. I imagine that a man who chooses to go to his death would not leave the choice to anyone else.

“The Madam was heartbroken and very angry. She felt her husband was irresponsible, that he was playing the hero. She-she didn’t blame us.” Ah Hai mustered his courage and continued. “But she said she never wanted to see Ah Shan or me ever again. So, she sent us… to Hong Kong.”

She couldn’t blame Ah Hai and Ah Shan for fleeing, yet she couldn’t bear to look at these two survivors ever again.

Even Ah Hai failed to notice that, without realizing it, the way he referred to Zhang Mingsheng’s aunt and her husband had quietly slipped back to “Madame” and “Master.”

“You and that gentleman are both remarkable people. You both have good hearts.” Ah Hai said softly.

I felt a pang of sorrow. I hadn’t expected Ah Hai to think so highly of me when I was merely trying to wedge open the crack in his resolve. Besides, I have never even had the opportunity to sacrifice my life for a cause.

Feeling awkward, I hastily changed the subject. “When the aunt got married, Zhang Mingsheng’s parents probably weren’t together yet, right?”

“As for the matters on this side… actually, I’m not very clear on that.” Ah Hai replied, cutting the topic off quickly this time.

He could tell me anything else, but everyone remained tight-lipped regarding Zhang Mingsheng’s parents.

Fine then. I didn’t press him further, choosing instead to continue our casual chat, “Ah Hai, have you ever thought about going somewhere else?”

Ah Hai didn’t make a sound for a long while.

I thought I had offended him and turned my head to look, only to meet an embarrassed smile. He said, “Actually, I’ve always wanted to open a bakery.”

“What kind of pastries?”

“I haven’t really thought about the specifics. I just really like the feeling of holding a warm pastry in my hands.”

It was a remarkably simple reason.

I felt like laughing a little after hearing that and looked away.

“The wind is picking up, Madam. Let’s head back.” Ah Hai said before leaning down to wrap my coat a bit tighter around me.

I nodded in agreement.

Ah Hai pushed me back into the living room, only for me to discover that Li Yi and Xiao Song were still there, while my mentor was nowhere to be seen.

What was the meaning of this? Had the Zhang household become “gilded on the outside but rotten within”? Could they only afford to keep two people for dinner?

They were seated around the table, engaged in a serious discussion. Xiao Song looked lively and at ease, whereas Li Yi sat with a grave expression, his face darkened by a lingering gloom. Beside them, Zhang Mingsheng looked far more nonchalant; he sat leaning back, clutching a water glass, the furthest from the table and maintaining total silence.

Xiao Song spotted me immediately. He waved happily and called out, “Sister-in-law, you’re finally back! I was just about to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Seeing his joyful smile made me think of Shanshan; the muscles in my face relaxed instantly, and I imagine I looked quite soft.

Ah Hai pushed me to Zhang Mingsheng’s side before gently removed his jacket from my shoulders, then exchanged a brief look with Zhang Mingsheng, and strode away.

“Sister-in-law, do you believe in fate? I do, but Officer Li refuses to believe in it no matter what. He says ghosts, gods, and destiny are all lies.” Song Yixing said with great interest.

Fate.

I rolled the word around in my mind, unable to give an answer right away.

Li Yi didn’t believe in anything being predetermined because, from childhood until now, everything he owned was the result of his own hard work and immense struggle. Xiao Song believed, perhaps simply because he was young and happy, possessing a beautiful imagination of what “fate” meant.

Suddenly, I found myself wanting to know Zhang Mingsheng’s answer.

Does a man like him believe in fate? Between him and me; was it a destined connection, or a branch he forcibly grafted onto my life through sheer malice?

I smiled. “What about your Brother Mingsheng? Does he believe it?”

Zhang Mingsheng kept his eyes on me while arching an eyebrow.

“Brother Mingsheng hasn’t said a word! Sister-in-law, you two really are a married couple; neither of you talks about yourselves, you just ask about others. Once everyone else has finished talking, you still stay silent.” Song Yixing frowned.

Presumably, Zhang Mingsheng hadn’t wanted to speak and had intentionally deflected the conversation to him. Xiao Song had babbled like a fool for ages, even dragging Li Yi into it, and yet he still hadn’t gotten an answer out of Zhang Mingsheng.

“Is it cold outside?” Zhang Mingsheng gave a light chuckle. He took my hand and gave my palm an extremely gentle squeeze.

For some reason, my state of mind was unusually peaceful. “It’s alright.”

Zhang Mingsheng’s fingers were burning hot; I wondered if it was from holding the water glass for so long.

“Tsk, I’ve seen more than enough of this ‘couple’s affection.’ Don’t think I’ll let you off just because I’m embarrassed. Brother Mingsheng, Sister-in-law, hurry up and tell me, do you guys believe in fate or not?” Song Yixing was still a child at heart, pursuing the point relentlessly.

“I…” I thought for a moment, then looked up to answer him. “I think I don’t believe in fate at all.”

“So, you’re just like Officer Li?” Noticing that Li Yi had gained support and his own position was being outnumbered, Song Yixing turned his hopeful gaze toward Zhang Mingsheng. “What about you, Brother Mingsheng?”

Zhang Mingsheng looked perfectly composed. He finally sat up straight and replied with a smile, “I do. I am someone who believes in fate above all else.”

As he spoke, he interlaced his fingers firmly with mine using his left hand, his palm burning with heat.

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