NB Chapter5

Back when I was a police officer, Li Yi used to tease me for being too much of a “nice guy,” saying my temper was too mild and I’d end up getting pushed around. But I had grown up surrounded mostly by good people, and there were very few who ever bullied me.

It wasn’t until I met Zhang Mingsheng that I realized something: when faced with someone utterly without a moral bottom line, so-called kindness only turns into hesitation, confusion, and self-inflicted torment. Neither righteous declarations nor humble fawning could help me stand my ground, nor could they protect the people I wanted to protect.

Realizing this brought me pain.

But whenever Zhan Weiqing showed up, I felt that perhaps I could afford to act a little more like “Mrs. Zhang.”

Zhan Weiqing, a journalist from a privileged background, seemed to have no particular desires or demands; he even appeared somewhat inclined to push back against the powerful, which consistently earned him a strong reputation with the public.

His dress and conduct were low-key in just the right way, neither overshadowing the host nor fading from the public eye.

I used to have the habit of reading the newspaper, always bringing a copy of the morning paper to the office. Every time Li Yi came by my office to get coffee, he would take away a newspaper I had already finished reading.

I would give a helpless smile and hand him the hot coffee, “That’s the paper from the day before yesterday; the wanted criminal mentioned in there is already being interrogated now.”

Li Yi said, “I’m just reading for fun anyway, I don’t care about the timeliness.”

I said, “This is a serious morning paper with almost no gossip. What kind of ‘fun’ are you expecting from it?”

Li Yi snapped his fingers against the newspaper a few times. “I’m just waiting to see what kind of clichés that showboat journalist Zhan Weiqing has written this time, of course.”

I said, “Maybe he really does love his job. Besides, I think his writing is quite sharp. Rumor has it that he doesn’t get along with his family…”

Li Yi leaned in mysteriously, “A journalist who is so openly rebellious, yet never gets into trouble and still maintains such a good reputation. Senior, why do you think that’s possible?”

I thought about it; it did seem to be the case. There are countless young masters and ladies rumored to be on bad terms with their families, all claiming they need freedom and are pursuing it. But as for what that freedom actually entails, we ordinary people don’t understand.

The older generation relies on its old-school methods, while the newer generation has its own modern tricks and smoke-and-mirrors.

At that time, however, I was not yet sensitive to the struggles of those in power; I always believed that even if the sky were to collapse, the law would still be able to hold up a small patch of pure ground. The name Zhan Weiqing had only ever brushed lightly across my life.

I had been made to suffer at the hands of the powerful, and I had also encountered those who stepped in to help me or cooperated with kindness. I only felt that people differed from one another as individuals, rather than dividing neatly into opposing groups.

Zhan Weiqing and Zhang Mingsheng grew up together and seemed very close. Since Zhang Mingsheng had no siblings, Zhan Weiqing took him as an elder brother. The Zhan family is one of the major shareholders of the Zhang Group, and the Old Mr. Zhang always greets Zhan Weiqing with a smile. I often thought that if Zhan Weiqing had been a girl, perhaps Zhang Mingsheng wouldn’t have snatched me to be his wife.

But none of that is the reason I detest Zhan Weiqing.

I hate him because of Keke.

Zhang Yaonian, the grandfather, was not particularly satisfied with his eldest grandson, Zhang Mingsheng, yet he adored his great-granddaughter, Keke. On Keke’s fourth birthday, Zhang Yaonian hosted a banquet and sent invitations widely, insisting that the more guests there were, the better it would be for driving away the “ill fortune” surrounding Keke’s illness. I didn’t agree with such feudal, superstitious practices, but even in front of Zhang Yaonian, Zhang Mingsheng himself could only stand there smiling in silence; so, what chance did I have to speak up?

My health was poor, and I could not preside over the scene for long, so Zhang Yaonian invited Zhan Weiqing to help out.

I was happy for the peace, letting Ah Hai push me to the garden to pay my respects to an old stone.

Back then, Keke was born prematurely, and every doctor said the child would be difficult to raise. I spent my days in the hospital ward, dazed and heavy-headed, while Zhang Mingsheng’s face was always grim. For Keke’s sake, the Zhang family consulted many doctors and even entertained the idea of hiring Taoist priests for fortune-telling and rituals.

One day, Ah Hai came to my bedside and whispered to me that there was a custom in his hometown: if a child’s health was poor, they would recognize a stone or a tree as a “relative” for the child, praying for them to protect the child and grant them a long life.

Ah Hai wore a black suit with a Bluetooth earpiece in his ear. He was Zhang Mingsheng’s most loyal subordinate, even carrying a firearm, yet at that moment he stood by my bedside, slightly bowed, his expression oddly earnest and almost innocent. He said he had found a resilient stone for me; it would be Keke’s uncle and my elder brother. He said he hoped I would live on, that both Keke and I would live on.

I found it laughable upon hearing it, but I had no strength left to laugh.

I had thought about suicide many times, because I had nothing anchoring me to this world. Yet just when I finally had a child tied to me by blood, the doctors told me that this child might not have long to live.

I held no meaning in this world, and the world showed me no kindness in return, not even allowing me the comfort of finding joy in my suffering. It left me in utter despair.

To my surprise, however, Keke’s condition suddenly took a turn for the better that very day. She pulled through by completing her first steady breath, then her second, her third, and then countless more.

I love listening to her breathe. Every time I finish telling her a story, she curls up in my arms and falls into a deep sleep. In the sky-blue nursery, I lie awake alone while her steady breathing rises and falls in a calm, healthy rhythm. As I listen and watch, I feel my own heart beating with more strength.

Perhaps it really was her Stone Uncle that worked, or perhaps it was simply because Zhang Mingsheng had ordered all the doctors that they must save his wife and daughter with a dark expression.

I am grateful to Ah Hai, only a little. After all, his unconditional obedience to Zhang Mingsheng was one of the factors that dragged me into this abyss.

I also realized that Ah Hai actually thinks Zhang Mingsheng loves me deeply and cannot bear to lose me. Ah Hai also thinks I love Keke very much and that losing her would lead me to self-destruction. I admire his professional ability and loyalty, yet I question his eyes and his intellect.

Zhang Mingsheng does not love me, just as I do not love Keke.

After Keke was discharged from the hospital, I looked at her as if looking at a strange kitten. As for how Zhang Mingsheng looks at me… who knows?

It was still Keke’s birthday. I sat before the stone, and the stone seemed to stare back at me. I closed my eyes, clasped my hands together, and prayed:

Stone ah, Stone, Keke is already unlucky enough to be born into this family with a perverted father and a mother who can hardly be called a mother. You’re the only one left who can protect her. While you’re at it, protect her brother too; just let them grow up healthy. Whether they are happy or not… doesn’t matter.

After finishing my prayer, Ah Hai suggested it would be better to go inside. I opened my eyes and saw that the stone’s surface was a dull, bruised green, almost the same as my own pale, sickly face. I joked with Ah Hai, saying that judging by our skin tones, perhaps the stone and I really were brothers.

Ah Hai replied with righteous gravity, “If you take your medicine on time, perhaps you wouldn’t look quite similar.”

I laughed in spite of myself. I thought: If only your ‘Mr. Zhang’ would let me go, I wouldn’t have the chance to be relatives with a stone in the first place.

Ah Shan walked over from a distance and, lowering his head, told me it was time to blow out the candles. Zhang Mingsheng’s stance was that it would be best if I were present.

It made no difference to me. Whenever there was a banquet like this, Zhang Mingsheng would use photosensitivity as an excuse to make me wear sunglasses, refusing to let me be exposed to the public eye for long and declining all photographs. Zhang Yaonian had a few pointed remarks about it, feeling that I was unfit to be shown in public, but since we were at Zhang Mingsheng’s residence after all, he didn’t say much in the end.

Before blowing out the candles, a charlatan performed another divination for Keke. He was the Taoist priest Zhang Yaonian trusted most, said to perform only three divinations a year, and never once had his readings proven wrong.

The Taoist priest looked at Zhang Yaonian, then at Zhang Mingsheng, and finally at me; his smile stayed in place, but his gaze suddenly turned cold. It seemed he really could see something. However, to survive in elite circles, the most important thing is to keep a tight lip. His gaze didn’t linger on us adults for long; he looked toward Keke with eyes full of pity and affection and even a hint of relief.

He said that this girl was the lucky star of the Zhang family; regardless of any disasters or calamities, as long as she was there, the Zhang family could preserve its wealth and status.

Those words were far too weighty; placed upon a child’s head, I couldn’t tell whether they were a blessing or a curse. I frowned slightly. Behind his ever-present smile, Zhang Mingsheng remained unmoved, steady as a mountain.

I could only comfort myself with the thought that perhaps these were just auspicious words meant to please people.

I entered the crowd and came to Keke’s side while being pushed by Ah Hai. She was being held by Aunt Liu. Surrounded by everyone, her cheeks were flushed pink, her eyes bright, and she laughed, showing her small, pearly-white teeth. Zhang Xiaoyuan stood beside her, his expression unusually relaxed and filled with quiet joy. The two siblings had a very good relationship, closer even than those related by blood.

The cake for blowing out the candles was ordered to be small and exquisite, decorated with Keke’s favorite cartoon characters in shades of pink and blue with four candles inserted. This was Zhang Xiaoyuan’s idea, bought with his own pocket money.

Keke was not shy at all. Amidst the chorus of the birthday song accompanied by violin and piano, she laughed innocently; she was very happy. All the adults knelt down, surrounding her at the center. The chandelier had been switched off, leaving only dim, yellow candlelight, which made her smiling face seem even more radiant.

I suddenly felt my eyes grow moist. In the midst of boundless void and torment, perhaps there truly were things that had been pulling at me, trying to ground me.

Keke leaned her small head forward and was just about to blow out the candles when an accident occurred. I don’t know how Zhan Weiqing had been crouching, but he suddenly stumbled a step forward. The cake tilted sharply, and the candle flames nearly brushed against Keke’s cheek and clothes.

Amidst a burst of screams, Aunt Liu and a young man beside her whom I didn’t recognize reacted instantly. They threw their arms out to shield Keke; Aunt Liu pulled Keke tightly into her embrace and tumbled backward onto the floor. The young man’s hand was broad and slender; he held it over Keke’s face and seemed to have been singed by the flames.

At that moment, Ah Hai and Ah Shan pushed through the crowd and quickly moved the candles and cake away. Zhan Weiqing kept apologizing in a flustered rush. After scrambling back to his feet, he stepped forward again, reaching out to see if Keke was alright.

I grabbed his wrist, heavily and tightly.

Zhan Weiqing didn’t seem to expect this from me. He turned back to look at me, his handsome face full of apology, but in that instant, I suddenly realized that sincerity is actually quite easy to distinguish from insincerity. Though his words were apologetic, the muscles in his arm had already tensed, as if preparing to wrench free from my grip.

Only then did Zhang Mingsheng speak. He barked, “Ah Yu, let go.”

I continued to glare at Zhan Weiqing; even through my sunglasses, I could imagine my own icy expression. Zhan Weiqing was still subtly trying to break free, careful not to attract attention, and a dull ache spread through my wrist. Zhang Mingsheng stepped in directly and, without a word, pried my fingers open. Of course, I was no match for his strength; my hands were no longer what they used to be.

Keke was so frightened that she burst into loud wails, and everyone rushed to comfort her. I looked at Zhang Mingsheng, and he also looked back at me. Before he could speak again, I called for Ah Hai and told him to push me back to rest.

In Zhang Mingsheng’s heart, perhaps Keke wasn’t that important either.

On the way back to the bedroom, Ah Hai suddenly said, “You shouldn’t be angry with Sir over this. Sir was also very worried about the Young Lady; it’s just that Sir couldn’t easily snub Zhan Weiqing.”

At the time, I was too busy sneering to notice that Ah Hai had referred to Zhan Weiqing by his full name. I said, “So Zhang Mingsheng actually has people he’s wary of.”

Ah Hai hesitated for a moment before telling me that Zhan Weiqing had once saved Zhang Mingsheng’s life.

I was stunned, momentarily at a loss for words. Seeing that I remained silent, Ah Hai continued. He said that during Zhang Mingsheng’s most difficult years; specifically, the year the bodies of the Zhang couple were discovered, Zhang Mingsheng had once gone racing alone in his car. He ended up in a crash so severe that the vehicle was totaled; it looked like it could explode into flames at any second, and no one dared to go near it.

Whether it was heaven’s mercy or something else, Zhang Mingsheng didn’t die. There was one person who ignored his own safety and ran straight to the car. His hands reached through a window frame lined with jagged shards of glass, forcing open a door that had been crushed and deformed, and he dragged the unconscious Zhang Mingsheng out.

Ah Hai said that person was Zhan Weiqing.

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