Once we were outside, I stuck a cigarette in my mouth and pulled a lighter from my pocket. My fingers were trembling so much that I failed to strike a flame even after three or four tries.
With a soft ding, a flame jumped to life and moved close to the tip of my cigarette. Zhang Mingsheng held one hand up to block the wind while the other flicked the lighter. He was standing very close to me with his gaze fixed on the cigarette.
I took two puffs, and the tobacco flared to life.
The two of us walked forward side by side.
His face was still marked with bruises and scars.
“Actually, I’ve always heard that Southeast Asia is quite fun. I’ve wanted to go see it for myself.”
“Perfect. I was just starting to regret my decision anyway.” I replied coldly.
He lowered his head with a smile, looking as if he had something to say. I exhaled a cloud of smoke. “If you have something to say, say it quickly. I have to get back on the road.”
I had forgotten to arrange a pickup with the taxi driver; I was going to have to walk back.
“It’s nothing,” Zhang Mingsheng said. “I just suddenly remembered what I said to you that day.”
“Which part?”
“Holding someone in your hand is like using a house to lock them away.” Zhang Mingsheng said with a smile.
I stopped in my tracks. “That was a rhetorical question!”
“Ah,” Zhang Mingsheng stopped as well, widening his eyes with an expression of earnest sincerity. “It seems I remembered it wrong. My apologies, Officer.”
I kept walking, trying to leave him behind.
He caught up quickly. “To be honest, in that moment just now, the impulse to lock you up reached its peak.”
I could hardly believe my ears.
As if worried I wouldn’t take him seriously, he added, “It’s true. I’m not lying to you.”
“Do. Not. Follow. Me. Anymore.” I ground out, emphasizing every single word.
With that, I hurried away, terrified that Zhang Mingsheng might actually follow through on his word; lest I be cursed with another lifetime of misfortune.
The basement, the ropes, the pens, the dresses, the anesthetics, the sex, and that other name. Every single one of them filled me with dread.
Looking back at the past, it felt as though everything had been forcibly filled by Zhang Mingsheng’s overbearing presence to the point where he even wanted to manage my own negativity. He was so paranoid, so cold, acting as if everything were perfectly natural; if I let my guard down for even a second, I would waver, living a muddled life under his rhythm and control.
Worst of all, I was always attracted to him, unable to resist.
At that thought, I began to walk even faster.
The next second, I collided head-on with someone. It felt like hitting a wall of iron, leaving my arm numb.
I turned around and focused my eyes only to realize it was an old acquaintance.
That charlatan.
The one who said Keke was the Zhang family’s savior, and that I wouldn’t live past this year.
Having just bumped into me, he immediately started cursing under his breath again, this time insisting I wouldn’t even make it past today.
Frustrated, I gripped his arm and forced him to look at me. “Hey, can you be a bit more serious when you talk? Am I going to live one more day, or one more year?”
The charlatan, who had been struggling to get away, looked up and froze. It took him a long time to react, his words coming out in a stammer I couldn’t quite make out.
Zhang Mingsheng stood a short distance away with hands in his pockets while watching our scuffle with leisurely air.
The charlatan finally managed to wrench his arm free. He winced as he stretched it out, then smoothed the wrinkles in his clothes.
I said, “So you’ve really talked your way into Sister Azhu’s place now? Long time no see, you’ve climbed quite high, haven’t you?”
The charlatan gave a sly grin and bowed his head slightly toward me. “I rely on my talent. If you’ve made it here, then naturally, you’ve relied on yours as well.”
Judging by his speech, he didn’t sound like he was from Hong Kong.
I patted him on the shoulder. “Scamming me won’t bring you much retribution, but if you scam Sister Azhu, you might end up as crocodile feed.”
“Ai,” he waved his hands dismissively. “I never lie; I only tell the truth. It’s just that nobody ever made a rule saying all the truth has to be spoken, right?”
He turned his head hurriedly and caught sight of Zhang Mingsheng. After staring for a while, he looked back at me, pointed at him, then at me, and said, “You see, if I’m telling the truth… you and him are nothing but a cursed fate.”
He was spot on with that one.
Sister Azhu’s garden was clean and fragrant. Because the colors were so vivid under the sunlight, they made me dizzy; as if the air were water, and the water were rippling.
The charlatan stood between Zhang Mingsheng and me and said, “What we call life and death is nothing more than a question of staying or leaving. If you remain trapped in yesterday, then today is just a dream, and you become nothing more than a ghost. But if you live in today, then even if today itself is a dream, the ghost is no longer a ghost but a living person.”
After that, he rambled on with a long string of mystical nonsense, finally settling on one last sentence, “Whether to stay or to leave is a decision only you can make.”
The charlatan’s hair was grizzled, and he looked to be about fifty. Even as the weather grew warmer, he still wore a tattered, grayish-black padded jacket, yet his skin was clean without a single bead of sweat.
Seeing me staring at him, he added, “If my words please you, perhaps you could spare a tip.”
He held out his hand. His palm had very few lines; I stared at it for a long time until, suddenly, a thought occurred to me.
I shouted toward Zhang Mingsheng, “The pen! Give it to me!”
Zhang Mingsheng pulled it out and tossed it to me with a casual flick.
He certainly loved throwing things.
I caught it, uncapped the nib, gave it a few shakes, and lowered my head to write a line of text in the charlatan’s palm.
It was an address.
I said to the charlatan, “Show this to Sister Azhu. Tell her to keep watch over that place and make sure no innocent people get hurt.”
The Charlatan had been in high spirits but seeing that this had nothing to do with him and that he wasn’t getting a tip, he rolled his eyes at me and walked away with his hands out.
As he passed Zhang Mingsheng, Zhang grabbed his wrist, forced his palm open, and lowered his head to read it.
I thought to myself: If he can actually make sense of that, it’ll be a miracle.
Zhang Mingsheng glanced at the address, then at me, before suddenly leaning in to whisper something surreptitiously into the charlatan’s ear.
The charlatan agreed, trembling with fear, and backed away several steps before turning to scramble off.
Why was he so afraid of him, yet not of me?
I shot Zhang Mingsheng a resentful glare, unwilling to get entangled any further, and quickly made my escape.
After leaving Sister Azhu’s estate, I stepped onto the highway and started the long walk down the mountain. As I watched the scenery on both sides slide by, a silver-gray car suddenly flashed past me. I didn’t even need to see the license plate to know it was Zhang Mingsheng’s car.
As I watched him pull away, I was suddenly reminded of a small incident from the past.
For a period after I had slit my wrists, Zhang Mingsheng always used the knife and fork for me to cut my food into small pieces. I would sit beside him without a word like a dead person. Those days flew by as if I were sitting in a void, watching the repetition of daily life play out before my eyes. This continued until one day, when Zhang Mingsheng brought over a bowl of incredibly fragrant noodles.
It was as if I suddenly regained my sense of smell, and my stomach began to growl with hunger.
Since I couldn’t carry anything heavy with my hands yet, he fed me.
As I opened my mouth, I suddenly heard the chirping of birds.
From that day on, life felt like a calendar I had to tear away with my own hands; it moved slowly, but it felt real.
My life repeated itself within this cycle of reality and emptiness.
I looked ahead and saw Zhang Mingsheng’s car round a bend before vanishing like a speck of gray cloud at the far end of the road.
