NB Chapter9

Who exactly am I?

Am I really Zhang Mingsheng’s wife?

People outside are constantly guessing about my origins. To avoid leaving any gaps for suspicion, Zhang Mingsheng crafted a cover for me; he claimed I was a distant niece from his paternal aunt’s husband’s side of the family and even gave me a name: Yu Huaiqing. But he also once sat on the sofa in the basement, high-spiritedly flipping open a black-covered folder.

I knelt in the corner, barely clinging to life as I heard him recite, “Yu Fuchao, twenty-six years old, senior police sergeant, unmarried, raised at Zhen’ai Welfare Home at No. 14 Liannan Lane, simple social relations.”

Hearing this, I still hadn’t grasped what was truly going on; I only knew that Zhang Mingsheng was looking into me but had no idea how far his investigation had gone.

I was abandoned by my family as a child. Children in the welfare institute came and went, and teachers and caretakers stayed for five years at most; those who remained were the minority. Strange faces became familiar, then became strangers again with separation as if all pigeons must fly into the embrace of the clouds; only I remained for a long time in the shadows of the pigeon coop. Zhang Mingsheng was like a sharp, decisive knife, constantly scraping at the bottom of my life, seemingly wanting to scrape away some vein or flesh that would cause me pain.

But I am someone who was born with nothing. Parents I never met placed me under the porch of the welfare institute, as simply as discarding a puppy or a kitten; they didn’t even give me a name. Hidden within the folds of my swaddling clothes was a small scrap of paper, bearing only a few simple words: Yu Yi’er, born on December 12th.

What a simple name. When the director handed that worn-out slip of paper to my eighteen-year-old self, I looked at that line of pale blue ballpoint pen handwriting and nearly let out a bitter laugh. Perhaps the name had been assigned at the hospital. Was it written with the kind of ballpoint pen issued at the nurse’s station? If they meant to abandon me, why even trouble themselves to give me a surname?

I let my imagination wander, recalling it as though I had truly lived through it: cradled in the arms of a man or a woman, the clamor of human voices in my ears slowly dissolving into the soft patter of sleet. Then, all at once, the warmth was gone; through the thin blanket, my back met the cold, moss-tinged bricks. How long had it been, how long before dawn finally broke? My fingers and toes had gone numb with cold, and the light before my eyes was growing ever brighter, ever paler. I should have left this world then, until the old director, who had woken up early to mail some documents, opened the blue-gray gates of the welfare institute.

My first year on earth, my first December, was bluish-gray, cold and lonely.

These memories are buried deep within my soul, no matter how powerful Zhang Mingsheng might be, even he could never take them from me. A sudden calm settled over me; for someone like me, what else is there left to lose?

Unexpectedly, Zhang Mingsheng did not continue reading my name. That day, he was wearing a bespoke dark-grey plaid black suit and polished, shining leather shoes; they were neat and distant, like the most human-looking monster lurking in the city. He sat there elegantly while gently turning a page as if he had suddenly seen something interesting. A glint flickered in his eyes, and he slowly uttered those two syllables:

“Li Yi.”

I froze for a moment. In an instant, Li Yi’s smile flashed through my mind. In the next second, my voice bypassed my thoughts and tore through my throat like a tsunami, crashing past my lips in a frenzied roar. I suddenly thrashed in fierce resistance, I was going to kill him, I had to kill him. This was the twenty-first century, a society governed by law. How could he dare? How did he dare?

Two men in black instantly emerged from the corners and pinned me firmly to the ground. It was the standard hold used in military and police restraint techniques, I knew it well, having used the same methods to subdue criminals myself. Yet now my own arms were wrenched behind my back; even the slightest movement sent a sharp pain through them as though they were about to be broken. My brain was filled with a red sense of alarm, forcing me to scream and howl in rage until the entire dark room was filled with my voice.

Zhang Mingsheng didn’t care about my movements at all. He merely looked up at me, seemingly with great interest. He lowered his head and continued unhurriedly, “His mother is fifty-three years old and is a high school teacher. His younger sister is seventeen this year; ah, she’s about to become an adult soon too.”

Later, he read out information on many people: my mentor, Shimu, my junior sister who gave names to goldfish, the old director of the orphanage, and even the members of my team. Everything. Everything I had acquired after growing up.

When he read the name “Jiang Xiaoqiu,” I broke down completely.

She was an intern who had just graduated from the police academy this year. She still looked like a half-grown child with a youthful face and awkward speech. But I knew she worked hard and was excellent. Women police officers who want to pursue criminal investigation are always bullied by arrogant egomaniacs; I couldn’t stand it and had helped her with some small favors. In return, she brought me tea eggs cooked by her grandmother from home.

Zhang Mingsheng had even investigated her, someone who was actually quite distant from my life.

I lowered my head and murmured, “What on earth do you want?”

Zhang Mingsheng didn’t hear me clearly. He gave a casual wave, and the force pinning me down disappeared. Stepping forward, he pulled me up and seized the nape of my neck, forcing me to meet his gaze. Only when we were almost face-to-face did he seem satisfied with the distance, then asked, “Officer Yu, what did you just say?”

I gnashed my teeth so hard I could feel myself trembling. My swollen, aching throat could now only produce a raspy voice. I spoke one word at a time while staring deathly into his abnormally calm eyes. “I will kill you. If anything happens to them, I will definitely kill you.”

“Sir, you’re a policeman; it’s not good to go around shouting about killing. Careful, or I’ll send a letter to the station to file a complaint against you.” My threat was nothing more than an ant on his arm; he responded nonchalantly while scanning my face with his gaze. As he raised his hand, I thought he was going to hit me. Even though every bone was aching, I forced myself to stand firm and didn’t flinch. My body was like a wooden frame about to fall apart; after several jolts, it could no longer hold out for long.

To my surprise, he didn’t strike. He lowered his fingers and touched the scar at the end of my eyebrow. His skin was icy cold, causing me to shiver.

I broke down once more, each collapsed more repetitively than the last. I screamed, “What on earth do you want?! What is it that you want!?”

Zhang Mingsheng remained unmoved; he merely furrowed his brows.

I was exhausted. When I opened my mouth again, I found I had lost my voice. Later, even after a long period of rest, I still couldn’t fully recover it. My voice had changed; and, as it turned out, that alteration fit Zhang Mingsheng’s plan perfectly.

He looked at me, who was speechless and covered in tears, and suddenly smiled. He said, “Officer Yu, why ask what you already know? What I want most is already right here.”

He leaned in so close that I could no longer make out his features. His face was a blur, but his voice was clear.

Zhang Mingsheng said, “Officer Yu, what I want most is you.”

At first, I thought Zhang Mingsheng was joking. We were strangers; including the time he kidnapped me, we had met no more than five times. I was a man, and Zhang Mingsheng didn’t know the secret of my body either. So, why would he want me?

I had never done him wrong. Even if I had discovered he was robbing his own gold and silver shops, he could have just finished me off with a single shot. Why go through all this trouble? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t understand it, finally labeling Zhang Mingsheng a “pervert” in my mind.

My first escape was surprisingly smooth. I knocked out one bodyguard, and the other man in black didn’t even chase me; instead, he turned back to check on his companion.

I managed to get away. That house was the smallest and most remote property under Zhang Mingsheng’s name; there were few people, let alone a security system. I fled all the way, sprinting through deserted streets. I was penniless, but luckily Zhang Mingsheng hadn’t confiscated my identification; he had only taken my service pistol. With my raspy voice, I spent a long time trying to flag down a car until a driver finally agreed to give me a ride.

He was also the last person to see me who was later recorded in the police files. I was too exhausted; I only wanted to run home and sleep, giving no deep thought to whether anyone had discovered my disappearance.

Many years later, I learned from Ah Hai that during the days I was missing, no one in Hong Kong reported it to the police. Unfortunately, at that moment, I had no mind left to examine the suspicious details. After bolting the door with three locks, I finally lay down in peace and closed my eyes, comforting myself that everything that had happened in the past few days was nothing more than a nightmare.

When I woke, I was engulfed in a sea of fire. My vision was swallowed by a blinding orange glow as the raging flames roared unchecked, devouring everything I had built over the years. Even my feet burned, each step was a scary agony, as though I were walking across red-hot coals. Zhang Mingsheng smashed through the door wearing a mask, dressed entirely in black; he looked like the Grim Reaper himself, yet even death seemed gentler than him. I struggled against him by slamming into a cabinet and tearing a long, bloody gash across my cheek. The air inside the room was suffocating, the heat climbing relentlessly higher. My body had already reached its limit; the world began to tilt and spin, a dull, crushing blow struck from behind, and darkness swallowed my vision as I lost consciousness.

I didn’t wake up until many days later.

Zhang Mingsheng was keeping watch by my bed. He handed me a large, exquisite red velvet box, the kind meant for a necklace. He said, “Officer Yu, a gift for you, to reward you for the hardships of these past few days.”

At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. Unable to speak, I could only reach out and knock the box aside with my hand.

Zhang Mingsheng’s gaze followed the box as it tumbled aside; he froze for a moment, then looked back at me.

Momentarily, he would utter the sentence that changed my life forever. He wasn’t begging me; it was merely a passing whim that he had voiced in the form of a question. In truth, it was a notice; an ultimatum that allowed no room for refusal.

The hospital room was heavy with the sharp scent of disinfectants, the lights glaringly harsh. The moment someone enters a hospital; they stop being treated as a person and become something closer to meat on a cutting block. The ceiling was white as fresh snow. I could make no sound; I could only watch and listen as Zhang Mingsheng said those words.

He smiled and said, “Officer Yu, marry me.”

My brain was instantly short-circuited.

The television in front of the hospital bed was broadcasting the news. The news anchor reported that police and forensic investigators had confirmed the officer who died in the house fire was indeed a victim of an accident, not the rumored serial killer, and that there were no signs of foul play. The funeral would be held in three days. While expressing regret, the anchor also added a note of hope that as citizens mourned him, they might also find some relief from panic and fear.

On the TV screen, there were even pixelated photos of my private life.

Yu Fuchao was dead.

His funeral would be held in three days, and at that time, many people would come to attend.

Zhang Mingsheng followed my gaze toward the screen while waiting with immense patience until the host moved on to the next topic. Then, he turned his head, looked at me, and said with a beaming smile, “Officer Yu, it seems you have no choice left.”

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