From the end of the farce at Jiuhua Palace to the moment Prince Zhao’s carriage stopped before the mansion gates, Xie Jing had barely left Lu Lingcong’s embrace.
He refused to hand Lu Shuqing over to the wet nurse; aside from Lu Lingcong and Yin Chou, no one was permitted within three feet of the child. Lu Lingcong had no choice but to order the wet nurses and maids to follow quickly while he personally accompanied Xie Jing back to the Prince’s Mansion, getting far away from this den of trouble as soon as possible was the best course of action.
The weather was turning cold. To avoid catching a chill during his recovery month, Xie Jing was wrapped in a thick fox-fur robe, his hood shielding the upper half of his face completely, and he was half-carried, half-held by Lu Lingcong as they boarded the carriage. Yin Chou was also fully bundled up, clutching Lu Shuqing’s swaddling clothes tightly to her chest as she climbed into the cabin, which had already been warmed by charcoal fires.
Xie Jing’s body was not cold, and his hands and face were at a normal temperature, yet the tremors racking his entire frame could not be stopped. Yin Chou could not speak plainly in front of Xie Jing; she could only warn Lu Lingcong with a heavy, solemn expression that his condition was extremely dire.
Lu Lingcong himself could not grasp a single steady thought, his heart filled with an indescribable and inexpressible misery; moreover, Xie Jing’s trembling had left him completely frantic. Xie Jing’s upper body was curled into his embrace, his posture one of the most dependent and intimate huddling, yet his face was entirely devoid of expression as if he were leaning not against Lu Lingcong’s chest but merely against a lifeless pillow or a piece of driftwood.
Having spent many years at the Star-Plucking Tower, Yin Chou had become highly skilled in pediatrics and obstetrics and had witnessed countless similar cases; holding Lu Shuqing in her arms, she used him as an example, silently demonstrating to Lu Lingcong how he should be soothing Xie Jing at that moment.
Lu Lingcong imitated her actions, extending one arm to draw Xie Jing closer by the shoulder to hold him, while his other hand rested on Xie Jing’s back, gently rubbing over his heart in repeated soothing strokes.
Without the restrictions of the imperial palace, everyone from Xie’s Mansion had received word and rushed from Wuyi Lane to wait in the main hall of the Prince’s Mansion’s front courtyard. Upon hearing the servant announce, “His Highness and the Princess Consort have returned,” they all hurried out beyond the main gates to wait with bated breath.
Xie Jing had only just staggered down from the carriage, still supported by Lu Lingcong, when his parents rushed forward and took him into their arms without hesitation, paying no mind at all to propriety or rank. The two of them crowded around him on either side to lead him inward; Madam Xie’s eyes were red as her heart had clearly not been at peace since receiving the imperial decree forbidding her entry into the palace that morning, while Xie Yi simply gripped his forearm tightly, sighing incessantly.
Once the group was settled in the hall, Yin Chou carefully handed Lu Shuqing to Lady Yao to hold, then led the maids away to brew a calming medicinal soup for Xie Jing. The quick-tongued Lady Yao had already rattled off a flurry of questions on behalf of the whole family, such as “Why were we suddenly forbidden from entering the palace?”, “Why did you return to the mansion in such a frantic rush?”, and “Where do you feel unwell?” Xie Jing stared blankly, not taking any of it in; his lips parted slightly, but no sound came out as he only gazed sluggishly at his familiar kin.
All the while, Xie Jun kept shuttling anxiously between the adults, eager to see how Xie Jing was faring but afraid of getting in the way. Before they had come, Xie Yan had repeatedly warned him that his little uncle must not be exposed to wind or overexertion, strictly cautioning him not to act up. Thus, Xie Jun hesitantly clung to Xie Jing’s lap, saying nothing, only wrapping his arms around his neck and rocking him gently.
Upon seeing him, the taut string in Xie Jing’s mind finally loosened slightly, and he slowly patted Xie Jun’s head, “…You haven’t seen your little brother yet, have you? Go take a look; he’s so soft and quite fun to play with.”
Xie Yan clearly noticed his haggard, distracted condition and felt a pang of distress; recalling the palace attendant’s report that “the Princess Consort had only managed half of his breakfast,” he brought out a white porcelain bowl and said, “I selected two taels of fresh duck blood early this morning and cooked it with three-delicacy wontons, have some while it’s still hot.”
Xie Jing took it and began to sip in small mouthfuls, and only then did the rest of the family have a moment to look at Lu Shuqing, whom Yin Chou had managed to soothe during the journey. Lu Lingcong suddenly became an outsider, standing silently a few paces away like a wooden statue while observing this domestic scene, one that was somewhat somber yet allowed no room for any outsider to intervene.
Xie Yan turned his face and asked, “I heard that Your Highness has requested His Majesty’s consent to appoint Qing’er as the heir apparent?”
The formal investiture would not take place until at least after Lu Shuqing reached one month of age, and the news had not yet spread widely throughout the capital. However, Xie Yan’s act of seeking confirmation on this matter surprised Lu Lingcong—it suggested that the demand to appoint Lu Shuqing as heir apparent had been Xie Jing’s own personal decision, rather than a directive from the Xie family.
This contradicted Lu Lingcong’s previous assumptions; he had always felt that Xie Jing cared little for titles, ranks, or the distinction between legitimate and concubine-born sons, whereas the Xie’s Mansion would likely consider more practical matters for the sake of the honor of the Xie clan of Chen Commandery and standing.
Lu Lingcong paused, then nodded, “I will not have children with anyone other than Zhiwu. Qing’er is the only legitimate eldest son; the Prince’s Mansion will belong to him sooner or later.”
“I understand the importance Your Highness places on Qing’er,” Xie Yan said calmly, “but for such a small infant to be named an ‘Auspicious Omen’ one moment and the heir apparent the next, he will become an eyesore and a thorn in the side of so many. Even if Qing’er is blessed with enough fortune to endure it, Your Highness should consider, at least a little, how Zhiwu is supposed to manage.”
These words were quite heavy. Before Lu Lingcong could purse his lips and reply, Xie Jing called out “Ge” and shook his head, “It was I who begged His Highness to request the title as soon as possible.”
Xie Yan glanced at him with a mix of heartache and helplessness. He could guess that Xie Jing had done this to secure Lu Shuqing’s position for the future, but plans cannot keep pace with changes; no one could have predicted that Lu Shuqing’s birth would be timed so perfectly that no securing was needed—the immense “honor” of being an “Auspicious Omen” had simply dropped out of the blue.
“So be it.” Lady Yao motioned for her husband to watch his words, then nodded to Lu Lingcong in a businesslike manner. “Since a princess consort has been titled and an heir apparent established, then Zhiwu and Qing’er share the same fate as Your Highness; the nobles in the palace would have no reason to make things difficult for Zhiwu alone while letting Your Highness off easy. Regardless, Your Highness must find a way to get past this hurdle. Anything concerning Zhiwu is a matter of the highest priority to the Xie family; we will absolutely not stand idly by.”
She clearly realized before Xie Yan that the current situation could not be resolved simply by taking out her anger on Lu Lingcong and that Lu Lingcong’s passive position could not be reversed by his strength alone.
Lu Lingcong naturally understood the pressure and stance implied in her words: the Xie family would never allow Xie Jing to suffer such grievances, but if Lu Lingcong was isolated and unable to properly protect Xie Jing and Lu Shuqing, the Xie family would not stand idly by.
At this point, the emperor had indeed achieved his goal of facilitating the marriage between Prince Zhao’s Mansion and the Xie family as he wished; they clearly knew they were pawns in his game, yet they were powerless to escape.
“Madam need not worry,” Lu Lingcong said solemnly. “I will certainly do my utmost to manage the situation. It is my fault that Zhiwu was so insulted; what happened today shall never happen again.”
Yin Chou brought over a decoction for calming the nerves and said to the Xie family members, “The Princess Consort was overly anxious and agitated this morning and depleted his strength too much. It would be best for him to return to his room now to rest quietly in bed and be meticulously nourished with tonics in the days to come.”
Upon hearing this, Madam Xie felt a pang of sorrow in her nose again and could not help but ask, “Could he go back to Wuyi Lane to recover? Things are more convenient at home, and it would trouble His Highness less… Zhiwu, do you want to go home?”
However, as soon as she finished speaking, she knew it was unlikely. It would be acceptable for Xie Jing to return to his family home alone, but the palace would never permit Lu Shuqing to be taken to the Xie’s Mansion, and Xie Jing himself would never be willing to be separated from Lu Shuqing either; in the end, it was an irresolvable deadlock.
A brief silence followed. Xie Jing patted his mother’s hand in reassurance: “It is the same for me to stay at the Prince’s Mansion. With His Highness and Yin Chou looking after me, Mother need not worry.”
Madam Xie remained uneasy, repeatedly stroking Xie Jing’s thin wrist. With Lu Lingcong present, Xie Yi could only step in and reluctantly smooth things over, “Enough, since we live so close anyway, we’ll just visit more often.”
The group offered a few more words of care and advice before departing lingeringly; Xie Jun murmured his farewell to Lu Shuqing regardless of whether the child could understand him or not. Lu Lingcong originally intended to escort them to the main gate but was declined by Xie Yi with a soft yet firm rebuff, “Please stay, Your Highness. If Zhiwu can receive just a bit more of Your Highness’s pity and protection, our whole family will be deeply grateful.”
On the way back to the inner courtyard, Xie Jing said calmly, “My family’s judgment was clouded by concern; having encountered something like this for the first time, they were inevitably at a loss and acted somewhat discourteously. I ask Your Highness to be patient and forgive them.”
Lu Lingcong fell silent for a long while, staring blankly as Xie Jing walked several paces ahead before he finally spoke, “I do not care about those things.”
Xie Jing realized he had not followed, stopped in his tracks, and listened as Lu Lingcong continued, “I only care… must you speak to me in such a manner?”
“How do you wish for me to speak to you?” Xie Jing paused, then gave a light smile that could almost be called gentle. “Argue with you? Or beg you with a fawning, servile face?”
“Neither is necessary, absolutely not,” Lu Lingcong said with some urgency while frowning. “You only need to act in whatever way makes you most comfortable.”
“Do you think them calling me a ‘lunatic’ is an offense or an insult?” Xie Jing shook his head calmly. “I do not see it that way. Zifeng, I truly admire how you are able to maintain a steady mind and composed mood in most situations; even if there is a brief moment where you lose control, you can still restrain yourself and quickly regain your composure.”
“But I cannot do it.” He turned his face and looked at the sparse winter courtyard, where the sunlight smeared across the bamboo curtains, visually dispelling some of the chill. “I have always been a perverse and willful person, self-important, sharp-tongued, and so ill-tempered that only my closest kin could tolerate me. After conceiving and giving birth to him, it became even more beyond my control, a deepening capriciousness. It is not that I do not wish to be calm and composed; I simply cannot achieve it.”
“I just spent a great deal of effort trying not to break down in front of my family; I didn’t want to bring that hysterical face before them and cause them worry for nothing. But now I am truly exhausted, and I cannot keep up the act for that long.” Xie Jing raised his eyes and looked at Lu Lingcong imploringly. “Zifeng, do you really want me to pour out all of this embarrassing, melodramatic bitterness onto you? Just let me be alone, alright?”
Lu Lingcong was stunned into silence, unable to give a reaction for a long while, and Xie Jing had already silently turned around to walk into the room. Yet the moment he moved, Lu Lingcong followed him step by step, and just as he stepped over the threshold of the bedroom, he finally blurted out inconsequentially: “I was not just trying to coax you!”
Xie Jing came to an abrupt halt with one hand still on the door as he turned back, instinctively asking, “What?”
Lu Lingcong stood in the hall and did not approach further; he merely lowered his head slightly and said softly, “I have never merely been ‘coaxing’ you, so how could there be any talk of having ‘coaxed you enough’? I confessed to you long ago that I would rather not speak at all than say things against my heart. Every word that has left my mouth has been my sincere feelings for you. Even if it is bitterness, I am willing to accept it all without exception. I do not care, as long as… as long as you do not torture yourself.”
Xie Jing gazed at him for a long time, several times appearing as if he were about to speak but stopping himself. Finally, he simply sighed softly and turned to close the door, “Then let us just say it is I who am unwilling, it is I who am unwilling to tell you.”
That closing of the door marked the beginning of several days of living in seclusion. Aside from Lu Lingcong, Yin Chou, and her closest kin from Wuyi Lane, Xie Jing did not speak to anyone else. Noble Consort Wu sent Imperial Physician Qin to check on him several times, but he also declined to see him every time. Following this was Lu Shuqing’s one-month milestone celebration; although Lu Lingcong had firmly insisted on holding it in the Prince’s Mansion’s garden rather than in the palace, Xie Jing did not make an appearance.
Needless to say, he did not even step into the garden or courtyard, nor once crossed the threshold of the bedroom. He would lie reclined on the couch beneath the window, simply staring blankly at Lu Shuqing in the cradle, remaining motionless from morning to night.
Yin Chou constantly feared that his day-long melancholy would lead to overthinking, yet she did not dare to disturb him so lightly. In truth, Xie Jing knew himself that he was not brooding or obsessing when he was in a daze; rather, he was vacant and aimlessly emptying his mind with very few concrete thoughts ever surfacing. Most often, he would drift far away for a long while before being startled awake by a movement from Lu Shuqing, only then realizing that the flow of time was no longer within his control.
The only thing capable of making him smile was Lu Shuqing. Through long periods of quiet observation, Lu Lingcong witnessed Xie Jing’s startling power of concentration: he could spend an entire hour focused solely on coaxing a laugh out of Lu Shuqing, and he could tirelessly cradle the child in the crook of his arm, kissing his forehead, cheeks, and tiny hands.
Xie Jing’s refusal to leave the room resulted in Lu Lingcong sometimes being permitted to enter his study to help him fetch scrolls or prepare small items for Lu Shuqing in advance. Xie Jing had instructed that in a brocade box on the top shelf of the bookcase; there was a pair of sterling silver anklets that Xie Yan had commissioned a craftsman to make for Lu Shuqing. However, there were several such brocade boxes; Lu Lingcong found it inappropriate to open them without permission, so he simply carried them all back to the bedroom for Xie Jing to sort through himself.
It wasn’t until the third box was opened that they found what they were looking for. Xie Jing decided to open the last one as well, intending to have Lu Lingcong return these unused items to the storehouse later to be used as gifts or rewards during the New Year festival.
However, when the fourth brocade box was opened, both of them were momentarily stunned. Inside the box lay a finely crafted silver belt hook of exceptional quality; it featured a dragon-head clasp and a body engraved with cloud patterns, small and exquisite, its sheen flowing softly under the lamplight.
Without a second thought, Lu Lingcong blurted out, “This is…”
Xie Jing glanced up with little emotion, then lowered his gaze again. “I had it prepared some time ago, meant as a gift for your birthday next year. I had nearly forgotten it existed. Since you’ve seen it, keep it if you want it; if not, just send it to the storeroom with the rest.”
Lu Lingcong brushed his fingers against the inscription on the inner side of the belt hook. He paused and turned it over to read closely. Carved upon it was the most ordinary four-character auspicious phrase: “Never forget each other.”
Never forget each other… A silver hook fastening the silk belt occupied a position intimate and close to the body, carrying with it a certain domestic, ambiguous connection.
Lu Lingcong gazed at the belt hook in a long silence as if speculating on its hidden meaning or perhaps considering how to respond. Finally, he suddenly spoke: “I’ll keep it.”
He lifted his eyes and fixed them on Xie Jing. “The hook will stay, and you will stay as well. Before, you were the only one who said you were willing to remain by my side, never parting in life or death. Now it is I who asks you; it is my own wish. I want you to stay. I do not want you to leave me.”
After listening, Xie Jing did not answer immediately but merely traced the characters for “Never forget each other” several times. A belt hook was just a belt hook; without the silk sash, it was nothing more than a useless trinket. No matter what visions or solemn oaths of mutual remembrance existed, if the “concentric knot” of the silk belt was never formed, it would all ultimately come to nothing.
He pushed the brocade box back toward Lu Lingcong’s side and shook his head slowly but resolutely, “You should also calm down and ask yourself: is it truly me you want to stay, or is it the mother of Lu Shuqing you want to stay?”
