PTBLSI chapter 64

 

Qi Xi only realized that Fu Yanchuan was back after he woke up. He rolled over in his arms and pressed against his chest. “When did you come back?” he asked.

When Fu Yanchuan went to the sanatorium last night, he sent Qi Xi a message saying that he had something to take care of and wouldn’t be able to come back. Now, with a slightly aggrieved expression, he asked Qi Xi, “Did you wait for me last night? Did you miss me?”

“Mm.” Qi Xi answered, burying himself in Fu Yanchuan’s arms. “I missed you. Did you work overtime again? Aren’t you the boss? Why are you working so hard?”

Hearing this, Fu Yanchuan realized that no one had ever cared whether he was tired. He abruptly tightened his arms around Qi Xi, pressed his ear against Qi Xi’s, and asked, “Qixi, will you always like me the way you do now?”

Qi Xi nodded vigorously. The movement was too forceful and hit Fu Yanchuan’s chin. He hurriedly rubbed Fu Yanchuan’s chin and asked, “Did it hurt?”

Fu Yanchuan pulled his hand away and looked at Qi Xi without speaking. Qi Xi leaned closer and said, “Brother Qi Xi will always like Yanyan the way he does now. Whoever makes you unhappy, I’ll scold them for you. Was it your dad?”

“Mm.”

Fu Yanchuan’s response carried a hint of coquettishness that he didn’t even notice. He tightened his grip on Qi Xi’s hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it lightly. “As long as you’re here, that’s enough, Qi Xi, don’t leave me.”

Qi Xi loved it when Fu Yanchuan said things like that to him. It made him feel like Fu Yanchuan really needed him and that he was extremely important to Fu Yanchuan.

He pulled Fu Yanchuan’s hand closer and kissed the back of his hand. He answered solemnly, “May the light be with you.”[mfn]“光与你同在 / 光与您同在” (“May the Light be with you”) is a common pop-culture reference in Chinese. It parodies the famous Star Wars phrase “May the Force be with you,” humorously replacing “the Force” with “light.”[/mfn]

Fu Yanchuan couldn’t help but laugh. Unhappy with Qi Xi for ruining the mood, he rolled over and pressed his lips tightly against Qi Xi’s. One hand slid down and slipped into his sleepwear.

When Qi Xi finally had the opportunity to speak, he hurriedly reminded him, “Brother Yan, you’ll be late for work!”

“Today’s the weekend.”

Only then did Qi Xi remember. With no excuse to refuse, he wrapped his arms and legs around Fu Yanchuan and offered him kisses.

However, Fu Yanchuan didn’t do anything else. He just touched and kissed him. After kissing him until he had no strength left, he let go and told him to get up.

Even though it was the weekend, not long after breakfast, Fu Yanchuan had things he had to take care of. Reluctantly, he held Qi Xi’s hand as he walked him to the door to say goodbye.

“I’ll come back once I’m done.”

Qi Xi hugged him and rubbed against him like an orange cat. “Then you have to come back early.”

“Okay.”

Fu Yanchuan lightly kissed him and left. Qi Xi stood at the door for quite a while before going back inside.

He didn’t know if he could be considered understanding of Fu Yanchuan. Often, he didn’t know what Fu Yanchuan was thinking. But sometimes, he could clearly sense his emotions. For example, this morning when he woke up, he felt as if Fu Yanchuan was about to cry at any moment. Something must have happened yesterday.

All morning, Qi Xi was troubled by this. Fu Yanchuan wouldn’t say anything, and even if he asked, he definitely wouldn’t tell him.

Feeling uncomfortable, he pulled the orange cat over and asked, “Dasheng, do you think Brother Yan is worried because he’s about to go bankrupt? I didn’t understand the news at all. Why would things between him and his dad get to the point of bankruptcy?”

The orange cat didn’t understand either. “Meow?”

Qi Xi lay flat on the sofa and continued thinking until he finished lunch. Suddenly, Uncle Quan came over.

When Uncle Quan arrived, he only saw Qi Xi. “Did Sir go out?”

It had been a long time since Qi Xi had seen Uncle Quan. Seeing that he was holding a large cardboard box, he hurried over to help him carry it. “Brother Yan went out to work. Is this for Brother Yan?”

“It’s his old photos.”

Hearing that they were photos, Qi Xi opened the box to take a look. More accurately, they were photos of Fu Yanchuan from early childhood to adolescence.

Besides Fu Yanchuan, there were sometimes other people in the photos. Qi Xi only recognized one person: Lin Xianjing. Lin Xianjing looked very different back then—not only younger, but also more energetic.

As for Fu Yanchuan, he didn’t look much different. He was just as unsmiling, and it was hard to tell what could make a child that young so serious.

Qi Xi flipped down further and found that a few photo frames were broken. “Uncle Quan, why are these broken? Did something happen?”

Uncle Quan hesitated for a long time before deciding to speak up. “Sir’s mother fell seriously ill yesterday.”

“Ah!” Qi Xi suddenly understood why Fu Yanchuan had looked unhappy. “Brother Yan came back and didn’t tell me anything. Is it serious?”

“It should be stable now.”

As Uncle Quan spoke, he sighed. “Sir has never talked about his own suffering since he was young. When he was young and learning to ride horses, he got injured but endured it. He was clearly only a few years old.”

Hearing about Fu Yanchuan’s childhood, Qi Xi listened especially carefully. Uncle Quan paused for a moment before continuing.

“Do you know why Sir hates the Chairman so much?”

He shook his head. Uncle Quan explained, “Because madam attempted suicide when sir was twelve. After she was saved, he never forgave the chairman.”

Qi Xi remembered that Fu Yanchuan had told him his mother had tried to kill herself when he was eighteen. It turns out that wasn’t the first time.

“Madam used to be a very promising dancer, and she came from a good family. The chairman took a liking to her at one of her performances, pursued her, and they got married. Back then, everyone could tell that Madam loved the Chairman. She was even willing to give up her dance career to become Madam Fu full time. But—”

Uncle Quan paused, glanced at Qi Xi, and continued, “When Sir was three, the Chairman began his extremely harsh education. For example, he wasn’t allowed to cry or give up. He had to get whatever he wanted at all costs. For such a young child, this kind of education seemed inappropriate, even excessive, to ordinary people. Madam also started having conflicts with the chairman from that time.”

In reality, Lin Xianjing didn’t just have conflicts with Fu Zhenrong back then. She realized that to him, she was nothing more than a decoration, a tool for giving birth.

Fu Zhenrong completely ignored her opinions. He even forbade her from seeing Fu Yanchuan when she tried to stop his excessive education.

At first, Lin Xianjing resisted and even proposed divorcing Fu Zhenrong. Fu Zhenrong didn’t object to the divorce, but he made it clear that she couldn’t take Fu Yanchuan with her.

In the end, Lin Xianjing gave up on the divorce for Fu Yanchuan’s sake. To see Fu Yanchuan, she stopped obstructing Fu Zhenrong’s education. Instead, she taught Fu Yanchuan privately, hoping that when he grew up, he wouldn’t become the kind of person Fu Zhenrong taught him to be—a cold-blooded machine with no emotions and twisted values.

But in the same household, it was impossible for Fu Zhenrong to remain unaware. Whenever he discovered Lin Xianjing teaching Fu Yanchuan, he placed her under house arrest and verbally and physically abused her.

The entire Fu family, including Fu Yanchuan, had heard Fu Zhenrong verbally humiliate Lin Xianjing in the room. He said that she only knew how to use her body to seduce men and that dancing was nothing more than pleasing men. He called her completely useless and ignorant and said that she knew nothing about education or a man’s ambition.

Uncle Quan didn’t want to tell Qi Xi such unbearable things and only said, “Under the Chairman’s tutelage, Sir became colder and less capable of empathy. And Madam, after years of accumulated conflict, finally reached her limit. When Sir was twelve, she planned to commit suicide with him, but in the end, only she took the medicine.”

That year, Fu Yanchuan called the ambulance. When it arrived, the twelve-year-old was like an emotionless robot, coldly looking at Lin Xianjing.

After Lin Xianjing was saved, Fu Yanchuan became even less talkative. He seemed to have lost all feelings for others and only listened to Fu Zhenrong.

Uncle Quan thought the emotions Lin Xianjing instilled in Fu Yanchuan through the cracks in Fu Zhenrong’s education hadn’t worked—until one day when Fu Yanchuan asked him, “I’m already like this—why doesn’t she abandon me and leave?”

Qi Xi cried louder and louder. As he wiped his tears away, he complained, “How could his dad be so bad? He’s even worse than my dad!”

Uncle Quan told him, “Young Master Qi, please don’t tell Sir what I told you. He definitely wouldn’t want you to know these things, but he’s already endured enough. Only after you appeared by his side did he change a little.”

“Mm, I know. I won’t tell him.”

Uncle Quan added, “Sir was taught from a young age in ways somewhat different from ordinary people, so he has some personality flaws. I hope Young Master Qi can be more tolerant of him and comfort him more. You’re the first person in all these years to make him genuinely laugh from the heart.”

Uncle Quan was actually very surprised that Fu Yanchuan and Qi Xi had come this far. Not even Qiao Ye had truly made Fu Yanchuan open up back then.

Qi Xi was still feeling sad when he suddenly heard Uncle Quan say this. His expression was a mix of crying and smiling, and he shyly answered, “Brother Yan treats me so well. I’ll treat him well too. Next time I see his dad, I won’t let him hit Brother Yan again.”

“Did Sir get hit?”

“Yes! During the New Year, he hit Brother Yan in the face until it swelled. That’s too much!”

Uncle Quan guessed that the conflict between Fu Yanchuan and Fu Zhenrong wasn’t the first, but he hadn’t expected this. Fu Yanchuan had never been beaten growing up, not even by Fu Zhenrong. No wonder Fu Yanchuan had made up his mind.

There wasn’t much more he could do. He handed the photos to Qi Xi. “Please give these to Sir. I’ll be leaving.”

Qi Xi saw Uncle Quan off and arranged the photo frames in the study. Then he lay down on Fu Yanchuan’s spot and waited for him to return.

He couldn’t forget what Uncle Quan had said. Every time he thought about it, he felt sad. But when he heard the door open, he pushed all that sadness aside, ran out, and threw himself at Fu Yanchuan.

“Brother Yan, you’re back!”

Fu Yanchuan noticed Qi Xi’s enthusiasm today and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Uncle Quan brought photos of you from when you were little. I put them all in the study.”

He paused, afraid that Uncle Quan had said something. He pulled Qi Xi into his arms, trying to read his eyes, but he saw only pure joy at seeing him. He asked directly, “What did he tell you?”

“He said—Auntie was seriously ill yesterday. Did you go see her yesterday? When can we go see her again?”

Fu Yanchuan was stunned for two seconds. “Her health has always been poor. The doctor said she needs to rest lately. When she’s feeling better, we’ll visit her.”

“Then don’t be sad anymore. Today, Brother Xixi will serve you.”

As he spoke, Qi Xi took off Fu Yanchuan’s coat and hung it up. Then he pushed Fu Yanchuan onto the sofa. Standing respectfully to the side, he asked, “Brother Yan, would you like tea or fruit? Or both?”

Staring at Qi Xi strangely, not knowing what was going on in his head, Fu Yanchuan went along with it. “Fruit.”

“Please wait a moment.”

Qi Xi hurried to the fridge, brought a few things over, and set them on the coffee table. Then he asked again, “Is there anything else you need?”

Unable to stand his behavior, Fu Yanchuan pulled the seemingly clueless guy into a hug. “Feed me.”

“You really are something! But whatever Yan Yan wants is fine.”

Qi Xi tried to get down to reach for the fruit, but Fu Yanchuan wouldn’t let go. Qi Xi could only stretch out his arm, pick up a strawberry, and bring it to Fu Yanchuan’s mouth. “Ah, open up.”

Fu Yanchuan opened his mouth and bit into the strawberry. Qi Xi asked him seriously, “Is it sweet?”

He grabbed Qi Xi and directly tasted it in his mouth, asking back, “Is it sweet?”

Qi Xi licked his lips, which were stained with strawberry juice. “If you’re like this, I can’t continue.”

“Continue what?”

“Being good to you.”

Fu Yanchuan laughed and propped up his neck. He leaned close to Qi Xi’s lips and said, “I want something else.”

“What?”

“Think about it yourself.”

Qi Xi pushed Fu Yanchuan away unhappily. “You’re so annoying, always making me think for myself. What if I can’t think of anything?”

Fu Yanchuan held him without speaking. Qi Xi put on a doting look and said, “Fine then! Who told me to like you? I’ll think about it.”

Seeing Qi Xi like this soothed all of Fu Yanchuan’s nerves. He hadn’t really wanted anything when he said that; he just wanted to see what Qi Xi would come up with for him.

By the time it was time to sleep, he had forgotten all about it. After showering, Qi Xi pushed him onto the bed. Leaning over him, he said seriously, “Brother Yan, let’s really go to bed!”

His temple throbbed. He understood, yet he didn’t quite understand what “really go to bed” meant. He held down Qi Xi’s waist, pressing it tightly against his own. “Do you know what needs to be done?”

Qi Xi’s only experience came from censored comics he had seen, which lacked details. Saying he knew didn’t seem right, but saying he didn’t know didn’t seem right either.

He had talked about going to bed with Fu Yanchuan many times, but only now was he seriously thinking about how to do it. Who would be on the bottom between him and Fu Yanchuan?

Deep down, he actually had an answer, but his mind was still tangled. When facing Fu Yanchuan, he blushed for a while. Then, he suddenly bounced up and ran toward the bathroom. He left Fu Yanchuan with one sentence:

“Wait for me.”

Fu Yanchuan couldn’t wait. Worried, he went to the bathroom door. After waiting a bit, he suddenly heard a dull thud. He immediately opened the door and rushed in.

Qi Xi was curled up in front of the bathtub. His pajama pants had slipped halfway down. His face was flushed red. He was panting urgently—clearly having an episode.

Fu Yanchuan quickly scooped Qi Xi up, put him on his lap, clasped his hands together, and covered his mouth and nose. Qi Xi leaned back against the bathtub and stared straight at him while panting until his breathing slowly steadied and his eyes turned aggrieved.

“Are you better?”

Fu Yanchuan felt terrible. He had been extremely careful during this time, afraid that Qi Xi would have another episode. However, he hadn’t expected Qi Xi to make himself so nervous like this.

Still, he couldn’t bear to blame Qi Xi. He leaned close and coaxed him. “Are you feeling uncomfortable anywhere?”

Qi Xi’s face instantly flushed red again. “Th-that’s way too weird. How could I put that… inside you? How would it even fit?”

Fu Yanchuan was so shocked that he wondered if he’d misunderstood Qi Xi. In Qi Xi’s eyes, was he the one on the bottom?

He only hesitated over this question for a second. If it was Qi Xi’s request, it wasn’t something he couldn’t accept.

After ensuring that Qi Xi could breathe normally, Fu Yanchuan picked him up, pulled his pajama pants back up along the way, and went out.

Qi Xi held onto him tightly with both arms. Only after they got back to the bed did he suddenly grab Fu Yanchuan’s collar and question him, “You wouldn’t be thinking of putting that scary thing of yours inside me, would you? How can you think about that kind of thing, you—”

Qi Xi’s voice grew quieter as he spoke. Fu Yanchuan found him cute and heartbreaking like this. He couldn’t say he hadn’t thought about it, so he stayed silent. However, Qi Xi scared himself into crying again. He lunged over, buried his face in Fu Yanchuan’s chest, and said, “I just tried two fingers; it felt so strange! How could yours possibly—”

“Don’t say it.”

At that moment, all Fu Yanchuan felt was heartache. He hadn’t expected Qi Xi to have an episode because of this. “I won’t deny that I’ve thought about it, but it’s not necessary. If you don’t like it, we don’t have to do it.”

“…It’s not that. I want to do the things real lovers do. I want you to like me more. They say that if your life isn’t harmonious, your feelings will fade. I don’t want that. You actually really want to do it, too, don’t you?”

This was the first time Qi Xi had said they were lovers in person. Fu Yanchuan’s heart pounded wildly. Qi Xi’s face was so red it burned against his chest. His voice was soft as he continued, “The comics say it’s actually… comfortable… we can… try it first.”

After a long time, Fu Yanchuan finally lifted Qi Xi’s face. Sure enough, his face was red, as if blood might drip from it. It held a temptation that seemed to pull him in. He asked seriously, “You won’t ignore me afterward, okay?”

Qi Xi turned his face away and nodded slightly.

 

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