Her mom was holding a black plastic bag, so it wasn’t hard to guess she had come down to take out the trash.
And at that moment, Xu Shi felt it clearly.
Not only did her entire body go numb, but it was as if a basin of cold water had been poured over her head. The shock sent her heart into a sudden, violent rhythm.
Xu Shi’s mind raced. The elevator display showed the number 16, which meant her mom hadn’t just come out; she had been standing there for a while.
So why hadn’t she gone to throw out the trash?
Did that mean she had probably seen them?
Xu Shi tried her best to remain calm, clinging to a sliver of hope.
She swallowed, saw her mom glance outside, and then say, “You’re back.”
Xu Shi’s limbs were stiff. “Yeah.”
Her mom asked, “What are you standing there for? Are you going to wait for me to take out the trash, or go up first?”
“I’ll wait for you,” Xu Shi said.
Her mom suddenly smiled. “Then you can wait.”
With just those few simple, normal sentences, her mom went outside, leaving Xu Shi standing there foolishly.
Then she started analyzing again. Her mom’s attitude seemed like that of someone who hadn’t seen a thing, but upon closer inspection, it felt off. There was a hint of strangeness beneath the normality.
The trash cans weren’t far, and her mom returned shortly.
The moment the outer glass door opened, Xu Shi’s anxiety flared up again, but she still pretended nothing had happened and smiled at her mom.
“You’re back early,” her mom said, walking past her at a normal pace. “I thought you’d be home late again.”
Xu Shi fell into step behind her mom, not knowing what to say other than a simple “mhm.”
Her mom pressed the elevator button. “The one who brought you back, that was Yu Lingshan, right?”
The nerves that Xu Shi had just managed to relax snapped taut again.
“Yes,” Xu Shi said.
Her mom smiled. “She’s very pretty.”
Just as she finished speaking, the elevator arrived with a ding. Xu Shi mumbled a noncommittal sound and followed her mom inside.
She was still nervous, so instead of standing beside her mom, she silently took a small step back and observed her mother’s expression.
It was no different from usual.
During that elevator ride, neither of them said a word. For the first time in her life, Xu Shi felt tormented standing next to her mother. She didn’t know how to stand, where to put her hands, or even how to breathe.
Since her mom had seen Yu Lingshan, did that mean she saw what they were doing outside? But the lighting wasn’t very good, and Xu Shi’s kiss had been quick. Could that mean her mom hadn’t seen the crucial part?
A girl dropping another girl off could be perfectly normal.
The more Xu Shi thought, the more nervous she became. Her mind was a complete mess. She desperately wished her mom would say something more, even a probing question would be best, just so she wouldn’t have to keep guessing.
Maybe it was better to just get it over with.
After exiting the elevator, Xu Shi continued to follow her mom. Her mom unlocked the door naturally, changed her shoes naturally, but then stopped unnaturally, watching Xu Shi change her shoes—something she had never done before.
This threw Xu Shi’s mind into even greater turmoil. She fumbled with her shoes. A heavy, oppressive atmosphere filled the air, making it hard for Xu Shi to breathe.
Once Xu Shi had her shoes on, her mom finally spoke.
She asked, “Is there nothing you want to say to me?”
Xu Shi panicked instantly, her composure shattering. “W-what is there to say?”
Her mom let out a very distinct sigh and looked at Xu Shi. “I was waiting for you to speak up.”
Those words were like a knife behind a thin veil, its sharp tip finally piercing through, stabbing toward Xu Shi.
Xu Shi took a deep breath, but it felt like something was stuck in her throat, and she couldn’t say a word.
“Come in.”
With that, her mom walked into the living room.
Xu Shi followed her and sat down on the sofa beside her.
In that short walk, Xu Shi had prepared herself.
So, the moment she sat down, she asked, “Just now, downstairs, you saw, didn’t you?”
Her mom said, “Yes.”
Xu Shi could have made many excuses. She could have said she and Yu Lingshan were very good friends, that they were close and always kissed and hugged, and told her mom not to misunderstand.
But it seemed pointless.
Xu Shi lowered her head and said, “Right.”
Her mom suddenly laughed. “Right about what?”
A sudden sense of grievance washed over Xu Shi. “I don’t know.”
Her mom picked up a glass of water from the table and took a sip. “So it’s the kind of relationship I’m thinking of, isn’t it? You two? Are you dating?”
Xu Shi answered in a low voice, “Yes.”
Her mom sighed again, a sound so full of helplessness that Xu Shi’s heart clenched.
The last time she had heard her mom sigh like that was when she told her she was giving up on design.
She had said it so casually, and her mom had looked at her for a long time before letting out that sigh and saying, “As long as you’ve made up your mind.”
Xu Shi forced a lighthearted smile and asked her mom, “How are you not surprised at all?”
Her mom glanced at Xu Shi, then at the glass in her hand. She raised it, but as it neared her lips, she pulled it away and set it back down on the table.
“How could I not be surprised?”
As she spoke, her mom let out another heavy sigh, slowly raised her hands, and covered her face.
Two seconds later, a sniffle came from behind her mother’s palms. Xu Shi knew her mom was crying.
Xu Shi couldn’t hold it in any longer either. She grabbed a throw pillow, lowered her head, and tears instantly began to fall.
The air in the living room seemed to freeze, and every tiny speck of dust seemed to be crying along with them.
They sat one person’s width apart, crying silently for nearly a minute. After a minute, her mom finally lowered her hands.
Xu Shi sniffled and quickly grabbed the tissue box from the table, pulling out two tissues and handing them to her mom.
Her mom wiped her hands, then her face, took a light breath, and slowly exhaled.
“I…”
Her mom started to speak, but after just one word, her throat choked up, and she couldn’t say anything else.
Xu Shi scooted over, leaned into her mother’s embrace, and hugged her.
At that, they both cried even harder. Her mom even started to sob out loud.
Xu Shi’s feelings were a complicated mess. The two tissues she pressed against her nose were nowhere near enough. In the end, she gave up and just let her tears and snot get on her mom’s shoulder.
After another long while, they both seemed to calm down a little. Xu Shi leaned against her mom, not wanting to move. She sniffled intermittently, listening and feeling as her mom pulled tissues from the box on the sofa to clean herself up.
Then, in her line of sight, her mom threw the used tissues into the trash can. After that, she started stroking her head.
That touch made Xu Shi’s heart ache all over again.
“Mom,” Xu Shi called out softly.
Her mom managed a small smile. “Still crying at your age.”
Xu Shi didn’t know if her mom was talking about herself or Xu Shi. She sniffled again and finally pushed herself up from her mom’s embrace.
Her mom’s eyes were very red, but her tears had been wiped away. She pulled out a tissue for Xu Shi to press against her face.
Xu Shi said, “It seems like you knew for a while.”
Her mom opened her mouth, then closed it, and then smiled. “Why do I start crying whenever we talk about this?”
Xu Shi pursed her lips.
“I still haven’t showered,” her mom said.
Xu Shi looked up. It was indeed the time her mom usually took a shower.
“Oh,” Xu Shi said.
Her mom said, “I had my suspicions before. You were acting very strangely.”
Xu Shi was taken aback. “Was I?”
“It was just a guess. I was still hoping you would deny it.”
Xu Shi fell silent.
Her mom’s voice started to crack again. “What were you thinking…”
Xu Shi lowered her head.
“What were you thinking?”
Xu Shi shook her head. “I wasn’t thinking anything.” She felt like crying again and tried her best to hold it back. “You’re with someone because you like them.”
For some reason, that sentence made her mom cry again. Seeing her mom cry like that, Xu Shi couldn’t hold back her own tears either.
Her mom suddenly stood up, grabbed a tissue, and wiped her face carelessly. “It’s better that I know. At least I won’t be worrying about this and that all day.”
Xu Shi clutched the throw pillow and looked up at her mom.
“Alright, I’m going to take a shower. I can’t look at you right now.”
“Oh.”
“I’m going to bed right after.”
“Okay.”
Xu Shi watched her mom return to her bedroom. Once the door closed, she collapsed onto the sofa.
And continued to cry.
She didn’t know what she was crying about, but she just couldn’t stop. The sobs came in fits and starts.
She really wanted to find Yu Lingshan. She knew Yu Lingshan would hold her if she knew she was crying.
But during their walk, Yu Lingshan had mentioned she had a draft to revise tonight and would contact Xu Shi when she was done.
She had just sent a message five minutes ago saying she was home, so she was probably revising it now.
She’s revising a draft.
Xu Shi was so overwhelmed with grievance that she actually started crying because Yu Lingshan was revising a draft.
All in all, Xu Shi stayed in the living room for over half an hour before she finally recovered enough to go take a shower.
But throughout the process, her heart felt incredibly heavy, as if a huge rock was crushing her. Her steps were heavy, her breathing was heavy, her whole being felt heavy.
After her shower, she lay listlessly on her bed, not wanting to do anything.
It was eleven o’clock when Yu Lingshan finally contacted her. Her phone vibrated.
She picked it up and saw Yu Lingshan’s message on the screen: I’m done with work, baby.
Yu Lingshan asked her: What are you doing?
Xu Shi’s jaw clenched involuntarily as she typed out her reply with just her index finger, one letter at a time: Crying.
Fairy Wife: Crying?
Before Xu Shi could even start typing again, a video call came through.
The moment Xu Shi answered and saw Yu Lingshan’s face, the emotion that had been buried deep in her heart felt like it was suddenly poked, and it all came rushing out.
Xu Shi’s nose immediately stung with the urge to cry.
“Where are you?” Yu Lingshan asked from the other side.
Xu Shi pressed her hand to her nose, just out of the camera’s view. “Here.”
“What’s wrong?” Yu Lingshan immediately heard it in her voice. “Are you really crying?”
Xu Shi’s voice was thick with nasality. “Yeah.”
Yu Lingshan: “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Xu Shi laid her phone flat on the bed and rested her face on her arm, trying her best to speak clearly.
“Yu Lingshan,” she called out.
Yu Lingshan: “What is it?”
Xu Shi: “I want to see you.”
From this angle, Yu Lingshan still couldn’t see Xu Shi, but Xu Shi could see her. She could feel Yu Lingshan’s concern, and she saw that after she said she missed her, Yu Lingshan didn’t hesitate for a second before saying, “Okay.”
She even said, “I’m coming over.”
This made Xu Shi want to cry even more. “Okay.”
Yu Lingshan: “Don’t cry anymore. You can tell me everything slowly when you see me.”
Xu Shi: “Okay.”
Yu Lingshan was true to her word. The call switched to voice but didn’t hang up. Xu Shi just lay there, listening to the sounds from Yu Lingshan’s end.
She heard her close the door, heard her enter the elevator, watched her phone display a weak signal, and then return to a normal call.
Yu Lingshan’s place wasn’t far from Xu Shi’s. After the sounds of a few streets passing by, Yu Lingshan told Xu Shi she was at the entrance.
Xu Shi picked up her phone. “I’m coming down.”
The timing was perfect. Just as Xu Shi got downstairs, Yu Lingshan arrived.
Yu Lingshan looked the same as she had earlier that evening. It had only been a few hours since they parted, but for Xu Shi, it felt like she had been through a lifetime.
Opening the glass door, Xu Shi immediately threw herself forward, into Yu Lingshan’s arms.
Yu Lingshan held her tight, patting her head. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”
Xu Shi called her name. “Yu Lingshan.”
Yu Lingshan: “I’m here.”
Xu Shi said, “I let my hair down. You have to like me a lot too.”
